My DD knows what boys and girls are

[RockPainting]

Overheard... (Think I must be doing something right...)

DS (7): My friend Amy* says she wants to be a boy

DD (11): Well, she can't be, why does she say that?

DS: because she likes playing football and playing with the boys

DD: well that's ok, but she can't be a boy

DS: she could cut her hair, that would make her more like a boy

DD: No it wouldn't, she'd just be a girl with short hair

They then proceeded to have a conversation about Lego.

Let me tell you I have had a silent round of applause here... Brava me and DD!

Good for her for her having her head screwed on straight!

Can you imagine how confused an MN-reading time-traveler would be by this thread, though? So sad.

Thank you both! It was just such a matter of fact, in passing conversation between them. I'm really proud. I've never really pressed this stuff with my DCs. If it's been mentioned I've always just said well, kids can wear what they want, play with what they want, but that doesn't make them a girl or a boy. There's no such thing as girl colours or boy colours etc. There are girls and boys and no-one can change that. But girls and boys can do whatever they want. Then we talk about something else.

Good for you OP. Mine are younger but I do worry about how to approach this topic.

What simple, clear thinking on her part, and it’s lovely to hear about it.

Brilliant! Did the same when mine were younger.

@RockPainting

Thank you both! It was just such a matter of fact, in passing conversation between them. I'm really proud. I've never really pressed this stuff with my DCs. If it's been mentioned I've always just said well, kids can wear what they want, play with what they want, but that doesn't make them a girl or a boy. There's no such thing as girl colours or boy colours etc. There are girls and boys and no-one can change that. But girls and boys can do whatever they want. Then we talk about something else.

I think that’s a really sensible approach. They pick so much up anyway from what toys you provide m, what activities you encourage, what clothes you put them in.

If they’ve seen at home that dolls and Lego are not gender specific, if really helps.

Luckily my older ones were half grown up before all this and set the tone for the younger ones, too.

Good stuff, OP.

Mine are pretty clear on toys, clothes, colours and jobs being for anyone of any sex.

yay!!!

Mine backfired. She's very young, but in school, so we've encountered (and countered) the "this is for girls and this is for boys" stuff. We went with a basic "there's no such thing as girls things and boys things, they're just things and anyone can play with/do whatever and still be a girl/boy"...

Then she came home from school rolling her eyes and saying "but mum they're so stupid. They said that girls had to line up one side and boys had to line up on the other, but I know that there's no girls things and boys things, so of course girls can line up on either side, so I lined up on the boys side".

I fully expect her to have already have been labelled as trans by the school. They are a little that way leaning, so they're probably delighted to have a child to try out their new "inclusivity" on... sigh.

I've been revisiting the basic principles with her

Yay to your DD.

It sounds like my approach is similar, don't bring it up, but answer any questions along the lines of you. My 15 year old is a bit rolly eyed about it all though. (In a kind of GC way, not at me.)

Thank you all.

I despair of people tying themselves in knots when a three year old boy picks up a Barbie.
My response? That's nice dear... Now would you like wotsits or quavers?

Oh dear @MsOgyny!

I join in your applause.

Good for you OP - a round of applause to your DD for talking sense!

northstars depending on how young your DC are, I’ve been reading ‘My Body is Me’ by Rachel Rooney with mine (2 and 5). The older one listens while I read that to them and I’ve had quite a few conversations with him (9) about the biological differences between the sexes and the role that gender stereotypes plays in how girls and boys are perceived.
There was a thread recently on sensible books to read to children about their bodies and puberty and the Dr Ranj one was mentioned so I might get that soon.

I'm a teacher with a (younger end of secondary school) tutor group and I've had a spate of 'can I talk to you, Miss? My pronouns are he/they.' They are being encouraged by quite a vocal student in the form who is very mired in 'identity' stuff.

I've formulated a stock reply with the head of year, basically: 'Thank you for letting me know. I won't be telling your teachers because most only see you once a week and are prioritising teaching and learning over personal info. You are discovering your personality, which is an important part of growing up, but it's important to keep exploring who you are rather than make any firm decisions at this stage'.

I've repeatedly told my DSes that there's no such thing as boys' and girls' things but will be wary of the single sex queue

Lord how serious is the friend? I can’t believe kids are having conversations like this these days. When I was a child my sister always had ‘boys’ toys, clothes, haircut... even a boys name persona when we played. It was never tables that she was a he. She was a tomboy and my parents bought her the spaceships and action men.

My 12 year old daughter on being told that two girls in her class were now identifying as boys

'well that's great but they do know that they will still get boobs and periods don't they'

@toffeebutterpopcorn they're'besties'. Been together since nursery.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement 🙏

@delightfuldaisy19 exactly! And I hope that the people around them will support and help then to deal with that. Applause for your daughter also.

@toffeebutterpopcorn just thinking about what you said. I really don't think this was anything more than the curious wondering of 7 year olds on either side. I know the other child's parents well, I can't imagine any nonsense there.

I'm so glad it was 'just another thing' to them in conversation. No-one is rushing to affirm Amy's pondering over her identity because she likes football or playing with the boys. And for that I'm very glad.

It is encouraging but it will get harder. I have 14yr old dd who is highly gender critical and extremely worried about all of this. She feels she can't be "out" about it any longer as in a smallish high school, she has 3 people in her year who are trans and countless others who are NB or changing pronouns, genders and sexualities into word soup on a regular basis. She has tentatively ventured opinions and two of her teachers have proved brilliant allies who gently teach critical thinking and gender scepticism where they can but she has met the same Terf accusations that we know so well. As a growing adolescent, it's a terrifying place to be.

I think I it’s amusing that in America footie is the girls game!

@ShowOfHands

It is encouraging but it will get harder. I have 14yr old dd who is highly gender critical and extremely worried about all of this. She feels she can't be "out" about it any longer as in a smallish high school, she has 3 people in her year who are trans and countless others who are NB or changing pronouns, genders and sexualities into word soup on a regular basis. She has tentatively ventured opinions and two of her teachers have proved brilliant allies who gently teach critical thinking and gender scepticism where they can but she has met the same Terf accusations that we know so well. As a growing adolescent, it's a terrifying place to be.

Depressing. I’m reading the excellent book by Annabel Shrier at the moment on this issue and one glaringly obvious point- but which hadn’t occurred to me- is that the vast majority of these young people who are declaring various “identities “ haven’t even kissed anyone yet let alone embarked on any kind of serious physical relationship.

Exactly @Nonmaquillee!

There's lots of indirect, useful lessons that we can teach our kids to build resilience.

Like its important to know when to 'stand out from the crowd' and when to 'blend in'. And without undermining their agency, reassuring them that there'll be lots of opportunities to'find themselves' and decide who they are in future... College, employment, uni, hobbies etc... Meaning they don't have to 'label' themselves now. Basically encouraging critical thinking about the 'tribes' around them and where they stand on this. And by extension therefore, where they stand on all of the gender stuff.