sexist jokes

[persister]

My brother is a sociable, extrovert man in his 50s, the life and soul of the party type, full of 'banter', much of it sexist humour (eg a recent meme he shared with me was 'FUN FACT: a majority of archaeologists are women due to their natural ability to dig up the past'.)

He knows I'm a left of centre feminist and as he shares neither of those viewpoints he finds it genuinely amusing to annoy me with this stuff, and the more annoyed I get the more he roars with laughter, he's so delighted with himself that he's provoked me into 'humourless feminist' mode. So over the years I've generally taken to just rolling my eyes or tutting at him rather than reacting.

He's messaging me more than usual, I think in an effort to maintain a line of communication between us, because the sister we both loved greatly has recently died. I want to respond positively because I'm aware that, without my sister to link us, we are likely to drift apart and rarely communicate. However this 'banter' just irritates me and I'm struggling to find a way to handle it gracefully.

There is zero point in telling him it's irritating me as that will just make him laugh, but I don't want to fall out with him either. Can anyone think of a better option than just sending him eyeroll emojis, please?

I would be tempted to hard banter back and see how he likes it
You know " Gosh you're sounding bitter, having trouble with the viagra delivery? "

But I get the idea that's not going to help

Be blunt ( as a stereotype rule men often find blunt easier , clearer to understand)

This is hurtful. If you want us to be friends it has to stop, If you find you don't have as many friends as you would like, well that's because you are rude

Oh and sorry about your sister 💐

Thank you, midge.

Sorry for your loss.
I know it's tough. I have a family member a bit like this except he's not extroverted at all!

You could say 'I'm feeling particularly upset at the moment about the women murdered this week at the hands of men - their names are Susan Booth, Maria Rawlings, and Chenise Gregory - and on top of the high-profile murders of Sarah Everard and Julia James recently it's really hard to avoid hatred and disdain of women without you adding to it. These women had families just as we do.'

Does he really not actually have anything else to talk about?

(This is a good, but obviously horrifying, resource: kareningalasmith.com/2021/02/08/2021/)

I'm not very kind so once I'd had that conversation I'd be tempted to respond to each meme with a news article about a horrific killing of a woman, with "Lol men!! Killing women and children, what are they like!!" as some sort of bantz. But then he might think you're a bit unhinged because you don't pretend it's not happening like you're supposed to.

He's after a reaction. I wouldn't give it to him. If he sends you a stupid meme, I would respond with something like 'Hi Joe, good to hear from you - how are the kids' or something banal. If he presses you on what you thought of the meme, just say 'oh, you know, not really my thing - have you seen so-and-so recently?'

Even an eyeroll emoji means he knows it got under your skin.

It might not be satisfactory, but anything else just keeps his little game going. The more you react, the more you are 'playing' his game. The less fun it is for him, the less likely he'll be to do it.

Sorry about your sister

I'd give him a taste of his own medicine.

"What do you call the pointless piece of flesh at the end of a penis?'
"A man'

"What's the best way to a man's heart?'
"Through his ribs with a breadknife'.

That kind of thing.

I'd try brutal honesty. "I can't deal with your 'humour' at the moment so please don't". Or even, "I want to maintain a relationship with DSister gone but I don't want to hear your sexist crap any more".

Thank you for these excellent suggestions.

I think I'm going to try a couple - so, start with not reacting, then if he continues tell him I can't deal with his 'humour' atm.

I like the more brutal approach of listing women killed by men, but given how recently our sister has died I haven't the heart to talk about the death of other women right now.

Really appreciate you taking the time to reply, thank you.

Really sorry op, I was really insensitive with my posts. I think not reacting is the more adult approach.

Another few to add to FKATondelayo’s jokes to use back on your brother:
“How many men does it take to paper a sitting room?
Three, but you have to slice them very thinly.”
“What does it mean if a man is gasping your name in bed?
You haven’t pressed the pillow down hard enough”
“What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted”
“Why do men only get a half hour lunch break?
So their boss doesn’t have to retrain them.”
“How do you bring a sparkle to a man’s eye?
Shine a torch in his ear”.
“How can you tell if a man is well hung?
When you can barely fit your finger between the noose and his neck”.
If he finds them offensive, innocently ask why, when he is so keen on the anti women equivalent.

@EdgeOfACoin

He's after a reaction. I wouldn't give it to him. If he sends you a stupid meme, I would respond with something like 'Hi Joe, good to hear from you - how are the kids' or something banal. If he presses you on what you thought of the meme, just say 'oh, you know, not really my thing - have you seen so-and-so recently?'

Even an eyeroll emoji means he knows it got under your skin.

It might not be satisfactory, but anything else just keeps his little game going. The more you react, the more you are 'playing' his game. The less fun it is for him, the less likely he'll be to do it.

This.

Don't engage about the meme. Focus on personal stuff or neutral stuff.

I too would go with Edgeofacoin suggestion.

I think I'm going to try a couple - so, start with not reacting, then if he continues tell him I can't deal with his 'humour' atm.

Just to warn you, he might up the ante at first to try and provoke a reaction. So if the jokes get worse before he gives up, take heart. It just means you are getting under his skin.

But yeah, if it really does get too much, just tell him you can't deal with his humour right now. Assuming he's not a truly nasty person, he should back off.