How do you deal with mansplaining?

[Random63638]

I hate the term but I'm 99% certain I'm being contradicted by a male member of a forum I belong to because I'm female. It could be that he's just a twat and would do it to anyone though. Long and short, I'm right, he's wrong but he will not accept that. I tried supporting all my points with reputable references but they were rejected. Part of me says "walk away", "can't argue with stupid" etc but the tiger in me says "bring it on chump, I will destroy you!" But also, "fuck it, who cares" and "don't stoop to their level ". Conflicted. It's an engineering based argument btw so really not open to interpretation due to the 150 years or so of best practice and innumerable guides and standards available all over the internet for anyone who can read.

How have you responded to this ridiculous behaviour online? Any tips? Which is worst, letting the bastards have the last word or getting sucked into an argument that can never be won? Is #bekind holding me back?

I’ve done this before - log in again with the name John47 and restate your argument. Works every time.

You could try using an obviously male user name and making the same points again. I'd be interested to know how that goes.

Otherwise, if you've referenced all your points with reputable sources but they have been rejected out of hand - you are dealing with an irrational dogmatist who isn't interested in debate, discussion or other view points. If that's the case, then I'd look at it like you're not debating with him, you're playing to the gallery and making your points for the benefit of others. I would just finish up with a final post that states your POV pointing out that all your comments are referenced, and concluding that he is sadly wrong in his opinion. Then disengage, it's not worth any more of your time.

Sadly it's a controlled forum with an approvals process so I can't adopt a male persona in this instance. A few other members have jumped in with some light defence and humour, which I think is the best I can expect. Drives me crackers that the loudest stubborn voice shouts everyone down though.

'Good point, Mike. Nice try. Have a lollipop. Now, what were the adults discussing'.

I give them the 60 year old lady "look", they usually realise right away that it would be easier to shut up.
Bit more difficult online. I find ignoring them 100% works quite well.

@Monicuddle

I’ve done this before - log in again with the name John47 and restate your argument. Works every time.

In the days when I used to comment on The Guardian’s articles, I switched my username in this way. It was an absolute revelation.

You've tried reason and evidence and that's not working. How about a flat "stop mansplaining, Bob, you know you're wrong and I'm right".

When did I ask, Bob?

This is the issue with online spaces –it's largely not an effective medium for meaningful debate.

Objectively, I'd suggest laying out what you've said here (which I'm sure you've already done)–that the facts state what they state, and he's welcome to argue against them if it serves him in some way, but it won't take most people more than a Google to reveal his argument for what it is: ego-based and incorrect.

Then step aside and let him burn himself into a mess. Fire needs fuel to burn.

That's 'objectively', though – if it were me I'd be tying myself in angry knots too

One of my go-to phrases these days is "Thank you for your opinion" –it's equal parts #bekind and a subtle burn.

If it’s Twitter I have a stock of slightly terse gifs including “behold! A man has come to give his manly wisdom” but that probably won’t work on a professional forum...

If it's online I'd just stop engaging.

He won't back down and you trying to persuade him you're correct with him arguing nonsense will be fun for him.

Anyone reading can make their own conclusions.

Save your efforts on this for real life.

You could just do the grown up brush off which a man like that will not like.

EG We are going back and forth now and I don't think it's productive. Clearly we do not agree, I have not found your arguments persuasive. I'm sure anyone reading will draw their own conclusions. Let's leave it there.

That will drive him mad.
If he replies ignore him.
That will drive him madder.

either this previous reply - and/or - can you appeal to the moderators? If he's really wrong, and this is a forum where being correct does actually matter - can you ask them to intervene and remove his comments for inaccuracy?

I like the phrase, "you're entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts" and then NEVER REPLY AGAIN. No matter how tempting.

@NiceGerbil

You could just do the grown up brush off which a man like that will not like.

EG We are going back and forth now and I don't think it's productive. Clearly we do not agree, I have not found your arguments persuasive. I'm sure anyone reading will draw their own conclusions. Let's leave it there.

That will drive him mad.
If he replies ignore him.
That will drive him madder.

This is brilliant. He can still have the last word but you have occupied the high ground

@MrsTerryPratchett
I like the phrase, "you're entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts"
Brilliant!

I would love to take credit but I stole it.

I belong to a 99.9% male metal detecting forum and I've come to learn that that's just what many men are like with anyone- watching them sometimes mansplain to each other is sad but funny but it was good in a way as I realised men are like that with anyone.

I said online to someone like this who simply would not stop contradicting me on a issue, but who was completely ignorant of fact:"I understand that is your your opinion, but I've heard it now".

He’s being a sexist man pure and true, hence why trans (male) voices have been loud and overbearing in the gender debate while the reasoned diplomatic (real) women are being ignored. If women get assertive back we are crushed with slurs to shut us down. Now let me balance that by saying that not all men are dickheads of course.
To be honest though I would request a name change because why not ? - in this day and age of crazy wokeness might as well use it to your advantage and say your name is now Barry and you identify as a man! Then see how your viewpoints in a male dominated engineering world get received. Could be interesting.

Happens a lot in my job- particularly older male engineers 🙄 🤣 (feel your pain, but my job isn't even engineering based- they do have a reputation though!)

I very rarely engage, tbh. Let them think they're the big man- more often than not they make themselves look stupid sooner or later!

One time my ex was mansplaining to me and I started counting on my fingers every time I said “I know” and he just blew right past me and kept on anyway. Then when he was finished I held up my hands and said: “Did you realise I said ‘I know’ eight times and you just kept talking over me? Don’t do that”. (It was over the stupidest thing too, he was ‘teaching me’ how to cut an onion!!)

Admittedly that wouldn’t work on a forum. I saw on the internet once a woman recommended saying “What part of this is confusing for you?” when someone tries to mansplain. Just turn it around and act like he’s too thick to get it.

No advice but I thought you may like this.
twitter.com/notDcfcBoss/status/1388176186015109122?s=20

I find the comment “Look I can explain it all to you, but I can’t understand it for you too!” Works in situations like this.

He’s being a sexist man pure and true, hence why trans (male) voices have been loud and overbearing in the gender debate while the reasoned diplomatic (real) women are being ignored

Your factual comment will get censored but just to say, absolutely agree with you. But facts are illegal now.