Looking for GCish lesbian groups

[JoanOgden]

Have namechanged for obvious reasons but have been on this board on and off for years.

After 20 years of being a crap, intermittent heterosexual, I have come to the realisation that I really do want to explore the possibility of shagging other women. Internet dating feels too full on, so really I would much prefer to get to know more lesbians and see if anything happens. However, from other recent threads it sounds like the whole scene has become very divided given the whole trans debate. I don't want to join any groups which are bound up in TWAW-type rhetoric.

Any views/experiences would be really welcome. I live in London and do have a couple of lesbian friends, but they are pretty settled and not really part of a wider scene. Thank you!

I think women will be reluctant to give out this sort of information to somebody with no posting history.

All my lesbian friends are supportive of trans women. They see the parallels of how they were treated in the 80s.

I was a lesbian in the 80s. It was great, we created a lot of our own spaces without trying to muscle in on other people's. All gone now mind.

@thighsin

All my lesbian friends are supportive of trans women. They see the parallels of how they were treated in the 80s.

Do you mean the parallels with the way that they were told that they could perfectly well have sex with penises if they just made an effort?

It’s very disappointing how many lesbians are falling for the male can be lesbian line 😞

Lesbian here op but happily settled since before all this nonsense. It’s tragic that so many young and older new lesbians will be unable to find a truly lesbian area to explore without the inclusion of males.

Have you tried Giggle? It's at least female only and not specifically a dating app.

@TabbyStar

I was a lesbian in the 80s. It was great, we created a lot of our own spaces without trying to muscle in on other people's. All gone now mind.

You don't remember people saying butch lesbians shouldn't be allowed in toilets with their children because they are basically men? Lucky for you.

@TinselAngel

I think women will be reluctant to give out this sort of information to somebody with no posting history.

Yes, I quite understand that and wasn't expecting anyone to let me into any private groups! Just interested in people's thoughts.

I have no problem with generalised support of trans people, it's the aggressive TWAW crowd I am worried about.

Do you mean the parallels with the way that they were told that they could perfectly well have sex with penises if they just made an effort?

I'm talking about the bigotry as you well know.

@ItsAllGoingToBeFine

Have you tried Giggle? It's at least female only and not specifically a dating app.

Thanks, I will have a look! Does anyone have first-hand experience of Giggle?

You don't remember people saying butch lesbians shouldn't be allowed in toilets with their children because they are basically men? Lucky for you.

There was a massive issue around lesbians and custody of children, but I can't say toilets were a big problem. Butch lesbians have always been challenged, but the mistake is recognised as soon as they speak on the basis that they are actually women.

@TabbyStar

You don't remember people saying butch lesbians shouldn't be allowed in toilets with their children because they are basically men? Lucky for you.

There was a massive issue around lesbians and custody of children, but I can't say toilets were a big problem. Butch lesbians have always been challenged, but the mistake is recognised as soon as they speak on the basis that they are actually women.

Yes but they were attracted to women and girls so girls weren't safe apparently. You might not remember this, it was the same for gay men.

The woman behind giggle is very active on Twitter and is clear its biological woman only, so you should be ok there

Yes but they were attracted to women and girls so girls weren't safe apparently. You might not remember this, it was the same for gay men.

My girlfriends were mostly butch, yes it happened, lots of crap things happened, but I can't say it really made much difference to our day to day lives, we had very strong communities in which we mostly lived outside work, and what happened elsewhere didn't have that much impact for most of us.

Do you mean the parallels with the way that they were told that they could perfectly well have sex with penises if they just made an effort?

This. If there was a like button I would have smashed it.

You don't remember people saying butch lesbians shouldn't be allowed in toilets with their children because they are basically men?

I think - then, as now - you were just hanging out with homophobes and sexists. All the groups I was in, from activist groups to social groups, were very positive about butch women, and never would conflate them with men.

Mind you, they never would have conflated anyone with a penis, with women either, so there you go.

I think one of the differences between three 80s and now was that more of us were, at least in part, estranged from our parents, or had a difficult and distant relationship with them. That obviously still happens, but definitely not so routinely.

Sorry OP, this doesn't help you much! I think we were lucky, I was in London too and there were plenty of women only pubs and clubs that don't exist now. You could also travel around the country and find women-only nights in rooms above pubs.

OP, I really don't mean this to sound too harsh, but please do consider whether besieged lesbian communities really need newly bi curious women, who would like to experiment with their sexuallity, diluting their already endangered spaces. Lesbians feel free to shoot me down on this and I will stfu.

I was briefly mistaken for a man today (by a man) the women immediately recognised me as an older lesbian. did not bother me particularly and I really didn’t care that I was missexed! The current climate for lesbians is not helpful and I am really sad that women only events no longer exist thank to the men who wish to colonise them. I think networks exist but be very careful as you will be told you are transphobic if you say no to penis. I don’t understand why some people keep going on about butch women in toilets. I was around from the 70s and don’t remember this happening. Is there an agenda here? and there are loads of lesbians who do not want men in our groups . End of

@AdHominemNonSequitur

OP, I really don't mean this to sound too harsh, but please do consider whether besieged lesbian communities really need newly bi curious women, who would like to experiment with their sexuallity, diluting their already endangered spaces. Lesbians feel free to shoot me down on this and I will stfu.

I do sympathise with this perspective! But it is 10 years since I had any sexual contact with a man, and I can't imagine doing so again. Tbh I've been "bicurious" as you term it since my teens, I have just never quite worked out how to get together with a woman.

I do appreciate that the likeliest outcome here is that I will be entirely celibate for the rest of my life, as I have been entirely celibate for the last 10 years. I guess I just feel a bit sad about it (plus I spend too long thinking about unattainable women and thought it might be better to meet some potentially attainable ones).

OP, I really don't mean this to sound too harsh, but please do consider whether besieged lesbian communities really need newly bi curious women, who would like to experiment with their sexuallity, diluting their already endangered spaces.

This definitely used to be an issue, not sure whether it still is, but it reminded me that the way I originally met lesbians was through women's organisations, there were loads of us involved with violence against women groups, though you'd probably need to find one that isn't too corporate....

Gosh, this thread is so sad.

In a fairer world, it would be full of women enthusiastically offering OP recommendations for thriving pubs & clubs, where OP could go & chat up some women.

How did we find ourselves in a world where lesbians can't just say 'hello OP, I live in Anytown & Bar X is a great place to meet women' ?!

Because of the fear of being targeted by non female people who really don't like women having anything for themselves. No bars, no organisations, no ability even to chat online without (understandable) suspicion from other lesbians.

It's bloody depressing & infuriating!

Yes, this thread is very sad...
I'm not in the OP's position but would also like to know where all the GC lesbians are because I'm in need of some like minded friends!

I only came out in the last couple of years. Contrary to the narrative that everyone is totally accepting now of gays and lesbians and we have no real problems unlike the T, I actually do find it pretty tough being a youngish lesbian woman. But I don't really have anyone that understands and it's like this huge gulf has opened up between me and all my straight female friends. I'm certainly not looking to replace them all (!) but it would be nice to have some friends with some more shared life experience and who I don't feel so different and othered around.

This thread makes me so sad and scared for my 15yo dd who told me she was gay 2 years back.

Why did you think that the mumsnet feminist board wss the place to ask for dating advice?