Resources for speaking to young children about sex and gender

[SecondhandTable]

Hi everyone. Firstly can I just say I've always found this section quite intimidating but recently have been lurking a lot, and I have learnt a lot.

I have one toddler (and pregnant) and I was just wondering if there are any good resources about how best to talk about sex and gender and so on to very young children right from the get go in order to promote as far as possible a gender critical worldview? Sorry for my clumsy language.

The numbered list of points on this website is pretty much what I have tried to do with my children:

www.drfinnmackay.co.uk/blog/raising-boyschildren-the-feminist-way-or-some-ideas-for-raising-children-without-gender-constraints

My eldest is only yet in key stage 2 at primary school, I have yet to explicitly discuss the idea of "gender identity". However we discuss about the history of women's rights and about the fact that some people believe there are behaviours that are for girls and others for boys, and we deconstruct how incorrect that idea is. We discuss the simple biological differences between men and women, and how that doesn't impact on personality or behaviour.

The issues always come from outside the home and from popular culture. We have had some instances where my eldest has been the focus of some attempts at bullying in school due to not behaving in the stereotypical way for their sex. I pick up on other parents making throwaway comments about boys behaviour or girls behaviour, and tend to ask them why they think that and point out that it isn't only one sex that behaves that way. Etc etc.

Welcome, secondhand

I’ve seen “My Body Is Me” by Rachel Rooney recommended on here before, it’s an illustrated book for younger children, might fit the bill.

🙄

I think it’s really important to talk about the fact that there are physical differences between boys and girls, but other differences are mostly due to expectations of people around us. A really important one is to point out that before puberty, there isn’t really any difference in physical strength despite what some boys claim! You could mention that not everyone agrees about where social differences between the sexes come from. As well as this, you have to encourage critical thinking and robust debate. Ask them if they agree with stuff they’ve heard at school. Let them know that you can agree to disagree at home. Talk about how to assess the strength of an argument (when they’re older!) This helps to inoculate them against groupthink and to question views with no logical basis.

A lot of the above is probably more appropriate for older primary kids. For younger ones be factual about bodies and encourage non-stereotypical play. Before they can read I swap the sex of characters in books to make them less stereotypical but this requires a lot of concentration!

I don't use any resources as such. Dd is 7. She knows she is a girl and that girls have eggs in their tummy. She knows boys have a penis and she has ovaries with eggs in, and the two are needed to make babies (she hasn't asked for the final bit of the puzzle yet!) She knows that girls can do and be anything they want, and enjoy any hobbies or interests, and wear any clothes, and this doesn't make them any less girls. It's something I need to keep reminding her of as she sometimes says things like 'I'm a girl, but I like boy things' and I remind her that there is no such thing as 'boy things'. But I'm feeling pretty pleased so far that she doesn't feel the need to conform to stereotypes, and knows being a girl is a biological thing.

Hello, OP.

I've always been open about sex and bodies - in an age appropriate way. Answered any questions as straightforwardly as possible.

There is 'let clothes be clothes' and 'let toys be toys' and 'a mighty girl' website is good for positive messages for girls.

www.amazon.co.uk/My-First-Book-Feminism-Boys/dp/1941367623/ref=asc_df_1941367623/?hvlocphy=1006602&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=311123983653&hvpone&hvlocint&th=1&hvpos&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-547569420131&hvrand=18300183868278135950

We got this for our son. It's simple and sweet.

Also the women's world cup is a great way to smash preconceptions in action. I had my class watch the highlights to great success.

@SecondhandTable

Hi everyone. Firstly can I just say I've always found this section quite intimidating but recently have been lurking a lot, and I have learnt a lot.

I have one toddler (and pregnant) and I was just wondering if there are any good resources about how best to talk about sex and gender and so on to very young children right from the get go in order to promote as far as possible a gender critical worldview? Sorry for my clumsy language.

What do you mean by a gender critical worldview?

What do you mean by a gender critical worldview?
Probably reality and all that.

www.lettoysbetoys.org.uk
Are still at it

^ I see ArabellaScott already mentioned that org.

@GNCQ

What do you mean by a gender critical worldview? Probably reality and all that.

I’m not sure what you mean

Oh well

@GNCQ

Oh well

Well why did you even bother replying? I didn’t even ask you, you replied vaguely and won’t explain further. Bizarre

hmm, I wonder what being critical of gender means

that's quite the puzzler

@BernardBlackMissesLangCleg

hmm, I wonder what being critical of gender means

that's quite the puzzler

Wow you lot are an absolute joy. I ask a simple question and get these pissy responses.

I had never looked at the toys be toys website so thanks for that.

Hi, I am sorry if my terminology is off as I've never really discussed my views with anyone except my DH, but I mean essentially that I believe gender is a social construct and doesn't exist, basically. That gender is essentially just lists of stereotypes and nothing 'real'/tangible.

Thanks for suggestions, I have heard of Let Toys Be Toys and Might Girl before already too. It's crazy how they absorb stereotypes at such a young age though, my DD isn't even 3 yet and comes out with some stuff already! She goes to nursery so subject to a lot of other influences already I suppose.

Your reply is phrased well and I think most people would agree with you so don't worry.

I remember my son as soon as he started nursery started saying "girls can't do X" and "boys can't do Y".

I think it's the natural black and white thinking that comes with being a toddler. I had never taught him that at home it's just something they absorb and it helps simplify life for them.

They also have strong feelings about fairness and possessiveness at that age. The toddler years are very informative so it's important to navigate it wisely!

Basically, at home it's important to reinforce the idea that girls and boys shouldn't be limited by the fact they are a girl or boy, and not to be bothered by stereotypes. You can't help what they pick up outside home unfortunately, but you can counter it. I'm sure you'll be a fantastic parent

SecondHandTable children at that age have very definite ideas about what boys/girls can/can't do, wear/can't wear, play with/can't play with. If it's a good nursery, they will nip it in the bud and challenge their thinking. Sometimes though, the adults in the nursery will perpetuate the stereotypes. It might be worth buying extra copies of books so that you can donate them to the nursery.

Here is a good place to start reading about GC ideas for anyone who is unsure what it might mean.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3145470-Break-it-down-for-me?pg=1

OP, it is great that you are thinking about this already. I thought I was doing really well when my kids were younger with lots of 'gender neutral' toys - I was far more interested in developing their range of fine and gross motor skills than pink and blue stuff - books, clothes, relaxed about hair length, chose their own outfits from 2 years old etc and oldest has still succumbed to the current zeitgeist, though all my others are very comfortable in their relatively non conforming skins.

My body is me is a very sweet picture book with rhyming text and perfect for your 3 year old. Directly available from Transgender Trend.

Pressure to conform really does seem to increase once they are at nursery so I was always alert to the 'there are no 'boy' or 'girl's' colours/toys/games, just colours etc you like.

I do regret not making it crystal clear that people can't change sex. Thought I didn't have to make it explicit - thought surely no one could believe it literally! - but turns out I did.

This article is good at explaining how young children develop their ideas around sex and gender so may give you some pointers.

medium.com/@katieja/young-children-reality-sex-and-gender-3421f4f165f1

I think being honest about biology from an early age is important. Particularly about periods, pregnancy and birth. Nothing gruesome but nothing untrue either. Girls cant escape their biology but that doesn't mean they can't be engineers, astronauts or great at sports.

Interesting article

I'm so glad you posted this- I have a one year old boy and I've been wanting to ask the exact same thing but haven't known exactly what to say. I want to make sure he has a healthy grounding in reality but it's such a new conversation I'm not sure of best principles.