Transitioning young friend.

[standingupforitanywhere]

I'm sad. A young woman I care for very deeply (like a daughter) is transitioning. I have no right to contact with her, so I'm extremely careful what I say. She can simply stop contacting me.

She's started testosterone, via self referral to an online GP. I'm sure you know which one. Her NHS GP won't refer her, because of the health complications of giving a young woman testosterone. She tells me he's afraid of being found liable. She knows about the impact on bone health and heart function. She isn't bothered about infertility. She has textbook answers to any concern I (extremely gently) raise.

She's saving for top surgery. She's 16 (nearly 18, apparently). She has no doubt. She is fully immersed in the world where this seems a sensible thing to do.

There's nothing else to do, is there?

Thank you @vivariumvivariumsvivaria . I've reported it.

Can I ask how she is affording this treatment? 16 year old care leavers rarely have spare money.

The PP mentioned the responsibility local authorities have to kids leaving the care system but in practice this is severely lacking. I know one 16 year old who is homeless, been chucked out of 3 hostels and messed up her universal credit claim in a few weeks. She gets one appointment a month with a social worker.

Unfortunately like PP have said all you can do here is offer to support her in any way you can. The average 16 year old feels invincible and isn't going to care about fertility or other long term issues.

Re Dr Webberley - I don’t think the outcome of HRT hearing will have any impact on GenderGP, as she doesn’t hold a medical position within the business.

Re Dr Helen Webberley, the impact will of course depend on what comes out during the course of the hearing.

Kittycat, still in care. Saving her allowance, I guess. The amount of allowance recommended for a 16yr old is quite high, I think, especially for a year of lockdown with no other temptations to spend money on.

Gingerkittykat The provision of support for Care Leavers is as you say very patchy and often inadequate. There is though a statutory responsibility which given the specifics of the unregulated Gender GP business supplying testosterone to a 16yr old can't be ignored by SWs. Accessing appropriate healthcare will be a key outcome.

@standingupforitanywhere

Kittycat, still in care. Saving her allowance, I guess. The amount of allowance recommended for a 16yr old is quite high, I think, especially for a year of lockdown with no other temptations to spend money on.

The girl I was talking about got an allowance from social work which is the same as universal credit, which would currently be around £70 a week. She got the same allowance when she was in kinship care, and it seemed like a ridiculous amount to give to a teenager for spending money and of course not enough to live independently.

Is she currently using this money to support herself or is it just spending money? It wasn't clear from your posts.

Re Dr Webberley - I don’t think the outcome of HRT hearing will have any impact on GenderGP, as she doesn’t hold a medical position within the business

Honestly at this point I think the only thing that will impact Gender GP’s ability to operate is when young people start suing them. Their continued association with HW doesn’t appear to be doing them any harm at all. I can’t see that changing when she is struck off. If she was going to cause them reputational damage it would have happened by now I think.

I think all you can do is let her know you will always love her and be there for her. You don't need to cheerlead on her new identity, and indeed, it may be valuable to her if you don't, as you can be someone she can come to, to explore whatever her identity is as it develops. I think a lot of young people get "stuck" in one identity, because all the adults around them are so over-invested in that identity, the young person doesn't want to "disappoint" everyone if they later develop in a different direction.

Kittycat she's in full time education, and I think full standard foster care, not a leavers' scheme. So the carer would be paid the full amount and would give an allowance to the child.

She sounds very happy where she is, well supported. I think her carer is doing a good job, this issue aside. I'll follow up these links, send an exploratory email to the SW (who of course will give a very standardised response which won't address my concerns about this child, because of confidentiality).

Thank you. It's helped to be able to worry out loud with people who understand and have the Know-how to check if I've missed anything!

OP is that another NC fail?

Thank you. I'm not going to come back, I obviously can't be trusted with my own name!

OP. I'm in a very similar situation. When you've known a young person for a long time, it can be devastating to see them put their long-term health at risk. I do not cheerlead, but I try to listen and offer "adult in the room" advice on very specific things. Like, "As hormones cause bone loss, you should ask if calcium supplements would help."

One thing I did was suggest my godson use a journal to track his daily physical and mental health as he is just 18 and his parents aren't around to pay attention to small changes in his mood. A journal will show him over time how the cross-sex hormones make him feel (and I encouraged him to keep each entry very short which would make him more likely to keep it up).

I was appalled his doctors weren't tracking his symptoms...when I mentioned this he let on he wasn't TELLING them he was on hormones as he ordered them online. At this news, I simply said, "withholding information from medical professionals is not something adults do."

I think a journal is an historical record in addition to a health tracker. My hope is some day in the future he can determine whether the hormones are doing what he wishes.

My best advice is to just be the adult who will never turn your back...your non-cheerleading may be noticed but if it's balanced with trust and the truth, someday it may be the only anchor to grab onto.

Testimonies from many young women who've medically transitioned and later detransitioned have emphasised that social transitioning and affirmation by family, hcps and people in other supportive roles are not, in their view, neutral or harmless approaches. While many acknowledge they probably wouldn't have listened, they have explained how much they wish that hadn't been done.