The first part of that was going to be forgiving myself. I started by trying to honor myself for what I was trying to do with transition. It was an attempt - an extreme attempt - to improve my life. Yes, it was ill-advised, and yes, maybe I should have known better.
But I can’t deny that in the distorted frame of mind I was in, I thought I was making a good choice for myself. I even suspected that the operation was a necessary part of a life-affirming, even life-saving transition. Was I wrong? YES. But I had been supported in my belief by several nurses, two doctors, and my therapist.
I had a cadre of credentialed medical professionals telling me that this was the sort of thing that WAS likely to help me.
And, of course, I was frightened by slogans like “better to have a happy son than a dead daughter,” which made me think I might be likely to commit suicide if I didn’t transition.
Where was the gatekeeping here?
hormonehangover.substack.com/p/top-surgery-regret-part-2-healing