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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

I'm tired of it already!

29 replies

Jiggy16 · 18/03/2021 20:30

Hi guys,

So prob my 1st post in this section tho I'm a regular lurker, this place has really helped me see the light! Anyway, was stupidly wasting time on fb earlier and came across a post on some feminist page, and flip me the amount of abuse women were getting was crazy. It was originally to do with jk Rowling but had moved onto just slagging women so for the first time I responded to a few comments. I've never done this before as I tend to go blank in the mind during heated debates but I just can't get over the venom. I was respectful and asked a few questions, put my own opinion out there (how very dare I) and basically got the literal violence replies. How do you guys cope? After a few exchanges I just couldn't be bothered with it, there was no point as no matter what I said it was just ignored. I'll post a few photos up. But I can't believe how many people seem to hate women. And I don't understand if transwomen want to be women, why do they hate us so much?! I'm not intelligent for these conversations. I'm still angry but I know I have to come away from it otherwise I'll be so wound up. Anyway. Just wanted to vent to people that might understand!

I'm tired of it already!
I'm tired of it already!
I'm tired of it already!
OP posts:
TalkingtoLangClegintheDark · 19/03/2021 12:10

why is our mental health not prioritised for all the crap we've been put through since birth, just for being female

Because this ideology is rooted in misogyny. It’s not actually about social justice. It would not exist in the form it does, or have achieved the enormous gains it has, without male privilege, without the fact that society is still massively skewed in favour of males and against females. It attracts a high proportion of narcissists who care only about themselves, and of course their male socialisation supports that rather than challenging it. They are not brought up with the expectation that they will #bekind.

I really think there are a horrifying number of male people (whether trans or not, I’m thinking of male “allies” too) who really do see women as lesser, as support humans, whether consciously or not. It is something that has become blindingly clear to me over the last few years.

The number of male people who are furious with women who “break the contract” and say no, we don’t want to be your support humans, we are human beings in our own right and we want to live as such - it’s chilling, really. We’re not allowed to do that, or we shouldn’t be, in their minds.

That’s the world we live in. Misogyny isn’t contained to the fundamentalists of all religions who want to circumscribe women’s day to day freedoms and reproductive rights. It’s alive and well in the bosom of far too many males who fondly believe themselves to be the vanguard of social progress.

And, tragically, it’s alive and well in the bosom of many women too - especially but not exclusively young women - these women who also chant the mantras and resign their rights to autonomy, even while identifying as feminists, like some weird 21st century take on the Stepford Wives.

This is what we’re up against. It’s going to take quite some rooting out. A lot of radfem work!

ifIwerenotanandroid · 19/03/2021 12:29

@Jiggy16

That thing when someone accuses you of something, but they're doing it themselves, or they have done it, is known as DARVO, which stands for Deny, Attack & Reverse Victim & Offender.

You'll see it happening so much it'll make your head spin!

'Projection' is similar.

Just knowing that these things are going on can take the sting out of some of the bad stuff. It also helps to talk to someone IRL who's of the same mindset as you; and don't be afraid to take breaks from the debate if & when you need to. Protect yourself, clear your head every so often.

MaudTheInvincible · 19/03/2021 12:36

It's awful when your mind won't give you the responses you know are in there when you need them. It's a stress response I believe.

Maybe keep a cut+pasted list of arguments you feel are particularly well put, to refer back to when you need them. It might make you feel more confident just knowing they're there. Also, it's worth recognising that many of these people aren't arguing about what's right but just to win. They will use all sorts of rhetorical devices, including emotional blackmail and ludicrous hyperbole to confuse and scare you. Arm yourself with factual rebuttals for these, ask for evidence of their claims and ask again when they can't provide it.

Delphinium20 · 19/03/2021 14:46

As always, Lang says it perfectly.

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