Embrace Discomfort

[AffronttoGender]

It grates and yes, it makes me cringe and uncomfortable.

It has to be the most gaslighty phrase I can think of amongst all the woke speak. I've seen it in posters aimed at children, can't recall the exact poster, but did mentally register this phrase on it because it was ringing alarm bells for safeguarding. Now it seems to have made it as a fashionable phrase in organisations, and it just jars with me, and maybe it is because I now associate it as red flags against safeguarding and gaslighting. I guess I could always say that 'yes, hearing the truth is very uncomfortable for some'.

AIBU?

I'm sure that this poster was discussed on Mumsnet but, when I searched for the phrase just now in FWR, this was the only thread it appeared in. Maybe the old threads or posts were deleted?

I'm resurrecting this old thread rather than starting a new one because I was looking for the source too.

I think it is in this "Gender Unicorn and LGBTQ+ Youth Allies" tweet by, ironically, "Inspiring Women in Leadership Scotland" on 4 Feb 2020:

Delighted 2 share @rachel_brian illustration post regarding the LGBT community. Be curious, respectful, listen & learn. Ask questions like- 'What pronouns do you use?' & provide resources like the 'Gender Unicorn' 2 help people understand their gender expression #LGBTHM2020

https://twitter.com/IWiLScot_/status/1224668894096433153

Archived thread - in which IWILScot double down: https://archive.ph/Ixx8b

"We believe that 'embracing discomfort' is relating to stepping into conversations, not out of them, when speaking about LGBTQ and other topics in this illustration #LGBTHM2020"

"We believe that having courageous conversations with others, as uncomfortable as it may be, will help us to work towards our vision for fair and inclusive world #LGBTHM2020"

They also linking to a "Resources" page by those totally sane individuals who are well-funded by the Scottish Government: Scottish Trans, which seems to have moved here:

https://www.scottishtrans.org/resource/all-resources/

2020 version archived: https://archive.is/RKUpQ

saying, "We hope the link below can answer some of your questions in more detail. There are many organisations that support trans people, which have very useful resources"

I found the IWLScot tweet embedded in this post on Ophelia Benson's blog, "Butterflies and Wheels"

Embrace discomfort (or we’ll force it on you)
5 Feb 2020
https://www.butterfliesandwheels.org/2020/embrace-discomfort-or-well-force-it-on-you/

Archived: https://archive.ph/RXgHw

Rachel Brian, who produced the illustration is, also ironically, Founder & CEO of Blue Seat Studios who created "Consent, it's Simple as Tea"
https://www.blueseatstudios.com/

Tea Consent
2015

and

Consent for Kids

Rachel is an author with Hachett and went on to write "Respect", aimed at children aged 7+

A Q&A with Rachel Brian on her new book, Respect
https://www.lovereading4kids.co.uk/school-blog/a-q-a-with-rachel-brian-on-her-new-book-respect-6040

Consent. Respect. But when it comes to being a Trans Ally: Submit and "Embrace Discomfort".

It's the usual Intersectional, Pyramid of Power, Privilege and Oppression bollocks.

Looking up "Embrace Discomfort" it seems to crop up a lot in US discourse about race and "white privilege", with black, male cross-dressers being the ultimate arbiters of truth and wisdom, of course.

"We believe that having courageous conversations with others, as uncomfortable as it may be, will help us to work towards our vision for fair and inclusive world #LGBTHM2020"
That works both ways - 'embrace the discomfort' of being told that no, you're not a woman, and yes, I do object to your presence in this toilet, and furthermore don't even think about using the adapted/disabled toilet if you're able bodied as well as male bodied...

Embrace your own discomfort and inhabit your own, sexed, body - rather than demanding we embrace your discomfort by making ourselves feel uncomfortable at your attempts to colonise womanhood.

I hate this phrase. It suggests boundary-erosion.

We assert boundaries for our safety and comfort. No means no.

Saying ‘embrace discomfort’ belongs to the same mindset as ‘don’t yuk someone else’s yum’ when they are admitting to frightening or stomach-churning perversion.

I have so many ‘uncomfortable conversations’ which I believe are necessary, but I would never suggest to anyone that they need to ‘embrace’ such conversations with me. If they say no, I need to respect that (unless they are my elected representative) and accept that I can’t win them all and move onto people who are more willing to talk.

Oooh let's examine who should embrace discomfort shall we?

And who gets to hand responsibility for their feelings to everyone else, and sit back and do fuck all but entitlement?

Do you know, I think it's binary sex based again. Fancy that.

The phrase instantly makes me think of male vs female socialisation.

When my son had loads of long hair, primary school understandably asked that he tie it back. He was fine in principle but the actual feeling of having it done to him was hard for him to accept and it was hard to find a style that felt ok on his head. It made me reflect that little girls get used to hair discomfort so much earlier. Even those whose hair doesn't grow long until after toddlerhood are often seen sporting bands and bows and clips.

I was thinking about something like this in a work capacity today after listening to a podcast, I was thinking that in every other area we are supposed to be open to people making mistakes and learning without being shamed, but in anything to do with EDI it seems that feeling shame for wrongthink is almost demanded.

It's the call to females to be masochistically self serving in Patient Griselda/Catholic church style. A GOOD woman would smile through ill treatment for her man, and embrace the sacrifice to a higher power.

I'll get more interested when I see the call for this to be applied equally and for male people with TQ+ identities to 'lean into' and 'embrace' their discomfort at using male facilities, and respecting women's spaces and sports. Without that, this is just a lot of wangling that in essence means 'women are made to enable!'

I think it’s just another example of therapy speak being misused and distorted. In general, you don’t want to avoid trying different or difficult things as it can become a pattern of avoidance rather than building resilience. But by the same
token you shouldn’t just put up with any crappy situation.

It’s like safe space or trigger warning or unsafe - not to be applied to a toddler being offered the wrong cereal.

If embrace discomfort was applied to ‘listen to views you disagree with’ it would be useful (unlikely I know).

I remember this.