@TartrazineCustard
Hmm. I like his passion, but I wonder if he then went on to spell out what he'd seen in his friend's behaviour that he'd now regard as a red flag. People need to have examples of what not to do and what to do instead if you're going to get any sort of behaviour change.
Quoted on a different thread and it feels in line with the comment that if the 9 in 10 don't talk to the 1 in 10 who are the problem then they might as well not exist as far as their contribution to the problem goes.
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This by
@shrodingersbiscuit should be read by everyone. It is spot on.
“It's a pyramid effect. It's not a spectrum, with jokes at one end and rape and murder at the other, it's a human pyramid where minor acts support the major acts. It provides, at best, a foundation of blithe indifference, and at worst amusement at the denigration of women.
The foundation of the pyramid is innumerable silent men: those who stand idly by as sexism and misogyny play out, because they aren't like that. Their silence might be due to ignorance, intimidation or indifference, but its impact is always the same—silence is complicity, and it creates a stable base for other men to stand on without fear of retribution.
Next level is apologists - there are several species, male and female, many of whom are predatory themselves, but they all protect the interests of abusive men via systematic minimisation of their crimes. They're the type who say our collective consciousness around sexual predation is a ‘witch hunt’. Some are overt - bullying is ‘banter’, bragging about sexual assault is ‘locker room talk’, raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster is ‘20 minutes of action’. Some are a bit more benign, like the ones who say, ‘sorry about my mate, he’s had too much to drink’. Unless they’re taking the time to have an uncomfortable chat with their friend about their behaviour, they're pointless.
Then we have the powerful. They’re the ones who quash victims’ allegations saying shit like ‘think carefully about pursuing this’. Who ask victims what they were wearing, and pillory them in the media sending the message that other victims won't be believed. They protect their abusive friends and colleagues from retribution for their actions, because their actions don't impact them.
And finally, at the peak of the pyramid, we have the predators. Flashers, gropers, murderers, abusers, rapists. They stand at the top, confident in their actions because of the complicit foundation those below provide.
What's being said is if we remove the base of a pyramid, it falls down. If men (who are the ones respected by those at the top of the pyramid) call out the everyday microaggressions against women the scum at the top can't/won't act as often, and hopefully, eventually, not at all. If your son/husband/boyfriend/cousin/whatever isn't actively calling out sexism and misogyny in his every day life then he is part of the silent base of the pyramid. And that, is the problem.“