Pandemic effect - increased everyday aggression

[Piccalino3]

Has anyone else noticed an increased and seemingly acceptable increase in everyday aggression from men since the start of the pandemic?

This week I have been shouted at by 3 men. Once in my own garden by next doors workmen and twice in the street for simply daring to exist and take up space that presumably these men felt that they were more entitled to. This week is not the first time I've been shouted at, tutted at or muttered at in the street, almost exclusively by older men. It's happened many times, in shops, in streets, in the park and I am getting really angry now. Today I was called a 'fucking idiot' because I saw a friend and had stopped to talk to her. I try my best to be considerate of others, socially distance as much as possible, keep the kids close to me and generally be thoughtful. I'm aware that people may be quite scared and I try my best to give people space. I wear a mask and follow the rules.

I am always pushing a buggy and have two other children in tow. Maybe without them I would be allowed to exist, maybe the gripe is because children are now considered germ vectors to be avoided. Maybe it's the fact that I'm middle aged now or all of the above but I'm sick of it. Constant scowls, disapproving looks and sometimes abuse. Had Covid just given people (especially men) the excuse to be bigger dicks than they were?

I just ignore it when it happens but I actually want to scream back 'fuck off, you don't own the place'. Obviously I wouldn't do this but it's starting to feel wrong just to ignore (and allow) the constant stream of criticism and sometimes abuse just for existing. I have two daughters with me who I'm hoping are oblivious to this but I'm aware they may be picking up on it. I even got tutted at by a man who got in the lift with me this week because the lift was going up and he wanted to go down. He reached right over me and in my face to press the button - I'm sure if I did the same he'd have gone mad.

Is it just me? Maybe I'm losing the plot. Is anyone else having this experience and what do I do about it, if anything?

I don't think it's just you OP. It feels like so many are losing patience and some are finding excuses to be prats. Crowded pavements, anxiety and fear etc. Couldn't say whether it's just men - although the cyclists near me who ride at dangerously at speed past those walking on paths are solely men.

Sorry that you're having these experiences.

That's so rude and tiring, I'm sorry.

I don't think it is just men, I've had this response from many people for various reasons. Young, old, men, women. Everyone is paranoid and judge-y right now!

To be honest, I've felt more aggression from other mums than any man during this pandemic!

That being said, it does not excuse their behaviour, and i'm sorry that you have experienced this op.

So sorry these things have happened to you.

My experience has been no different to when everything was normal. Only one stranger was vile to me because I wasn't quick enough to get out of her way. The rest have been fine or friendly. Or maybe I've been oblivious to it all asI spend my life in my head?

Thanks everyone. I agree, everyone seems absolutely frazzled at the moment and it's not hard to see why. Hopefully when things start to return to normal people will regain some civility. Sigh.

@persistentwoman I'd forgotten about the word prat. I need to use that more!!

There have been several separate incidents, close in date, where adults have been hospitalised after serious injuries when they have been attacked by groups of children or teenagers in my area. One man is still in hospital with severe head injuries - the kids attacking him were estimated to be about age 12. It's getting really quite scary out there.
I've never seen anything like it.

In tescos today my son was shunted out the way I was already moving him as I usually have him shielded in-between me and the trolly "helping" me push iyswim she didn't say excuse me there was zero indication she was behind me and wanted to get past just shunted him he nearly smacked into the trolley i got irrationally angry and said what a rude cunt she was i dont usually swear it wasn't even a big deal just an inpatient muppet at the supermarket that decided to ignore social distancing and shunt a kid out the way no harm was done i caught him why was i so FURIOUS

I think people are getting cabin fever

I've seen people doing some pretty weird things. I think some people have gone a little off their rocker.

"Had Covid just given people (especially men) the excuse to be bigger dicks than they were?"

Yup. If they needed an excuse, they've taken it. We've got some narrow pavements around our way and the people tramping along the middle, on their phones, oblivious to other users, are men. When they're women, or non-dickhead men, we do a bit of a shuffle and have a laugh about it, which is lovely.

Anyone else finding that ALL the people ignoring the one-way system in the supermarket are MEN? No wonder they're such bad drivers. The last time I pointed out to a pair of them that they were going the wrong way, one of them said "Nobody cares except you, love" but as I was already in a bad mood I was able to snarl "Well, fuck you then, sweetheart" before he was out of earshot.

It may be childish, but it did actually make me feel better.

I will definitely say NAMALT and people are at the end of their tether generally, but I think it has given certain kinds of people who weren't respectful before greater licence to be ruder now.

I've also seen people be more respectful too though.

There is increased aggression all round.

This, however, is somewhat annoying.
Today I was called a 'fucking idiot' because I saw a friend and had stopped to talk to her.
Because I suspect you didn't both move to a low traffic area you just stood there blocking the street and making other walk around you. This happens to me a lot in our area normally with kids in tow so 5-6 people milling about and it is just inconsiderate.

Yep, the only place that feels OK are wide open spaces. Shopping is particularly bad. I've seen a Tesco worker loose the plot and call a customer a tramp!

I had a bloke shout at me at the beginning of the first lockdown when I was out walking my dog with 2 of my kids, because there was 3 of us and we weren’t walking 2 metres apart. The absolute arsehole would not accept that we were totally following the rules because of course a man can’t be wrong.

They are obviously children, so it wasn’t like he’d mistaken me for a woman out for a walk with 2 mates.

And so that was the end of my children accompanying me on my walks as they were too worried that the man would turn up again. Even a year later I am livid at that absolute tosser!

I’m afraid I think building hate in society has more to do with Brexit than the pandemic. Our Home Secretary and Farage et al actively sought to create divisions and aggression in communities.

The pandemic is just a good cover.

@JackieWeaverFever

There is increased aggression all round.

This, however, is somewhat annoying.
Today I was called a 'fucking idiot' because I saw a friend and had stopped to talk to her.
Because I suspect you didn't both move to a low traffic area you just stood there blocking the street and making other walk around you. This happens to me a lot in our area normally with kids in tow so 5-6 people milling about and it is just inconsiderate.

@JackieWeaverFever there was plenty of room to walk by, perhaps not the 3 metres of room he was looking for but if someone is that worried about space then I'm afraid my opinion is that they shouldn't be walking through busy town centres as they are unlikely to be able to distance that much. Even if I were blocking the path (which I wasn't) do you really think it's acceptable for people to be shouting obscenities in the street? Surely in that instance a polite 'excuse me' works? Honestly as a society I think we've lost the plot and I'm sick of it!

Ive had weird leery comments from men while in my mask and parka so goes to show that they don't even need to see your face to be pervs.

I hate to say it but the aggro comments I've gotten about personal space (irrational ever time tbh, I keep well away from everyone) are from other women. The other day I was in a cemetery park and I literally smiled at this woman's dog, dog was near to me and she was about 10meters away - she started almost yelling "you need to stay back, stay back!!" At me as if I was going to attack her or something it was so weird.

I don't think it's just men.

I rarely go anywhere because I have health issues and am very anxious about covid. If I go out for a walk, it's at a quiet time.

If I go somewhere busy like a supermarket, what generally happens is that others around me don't keep their distance, and I get panicky. I don't shout, because I'm not that sort of person, but I can see why some would. If the anxiety ramps up enough then I find it difficult to focus on what's going on around me and then I tend to get shouted at for being in the wrong place or freezing up.

My case might be a bit extreme because of my particular issues (and I shop online to avoid it!) but I can see why varying degrees of anxiety would cause these reactions- and that to someone who isn't concerned about covid, they'd seem totally unreasonable.

I have been less than polite in some situations but I have made sure I have always been polite to all shop workers (usually low wages and frontline and women). My kids think I'm better than before Covid which is really bizarre.

I noticed this the other day. I had to walk down Balham High Street where I haven’t been for months. As soon as I left the station an older drunk man told me to “smile, fucking bitch” (I was wearing a mask)?

Further along the road a man shouted “I’ll kill you” in my face. He shouted it at a lot of people along the road he seemed to be suffering from a mental health issue. Later on a different drunk man called me an ugly bitch. This was all between 4-5pm.

What I concluded is that the drunks would normally be inside Wetherspoons and the other man I probably wouldn’t notice as there would be hundreds more people around.

We have also had a lot more muggings. They are targeting women with babies. These muggers may have previously made money shoplifting or selling smuggled tobacco etc... a lot of non violent illegal income streams have dried up. I don’t feel safe being a woman at the moment.