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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Elizabeth Day - How To Fail

27 replies

CaveMum · 04/03/2021 14:09

I've recently discovered Elizabeth Day and her "How To Fail" podcast and books.

I was put onto her by my CBT therapist (just completed the last of our 12 sessions) who I was talking to about anxiety and depression. We worked things through and came to the conclusion that the majority of my issues can be traced back to feelings of failure and/or a fear of failure/not being "perfect" (main issues include struggling to conceive, being unsuccessful at breastfeeding and a traumatic childbirth).

I've only listened to a small number of her podcasts - picking and choosing rather than listening to them all in order - and some of her interviewees have been fascinating people: Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Emma Barnett, Gina Miller, Gloria Steinem, Nadia Hussein etc, but the thing that fascinates me is her statement that, generally, men and women seem to view failure differently. She said when she started out she would ask contacts to be guests on her podcast and when asking the men to be guests a lot of them would say that they don't feel they have many failures to discuss, whereas the women tended to say they have too many.

I know that I perceive myself to be a "failure" in many different ways and as my therapist pointed out to me, I need to teach myself that expecting perfection from myself, and others, is just setting myself up for failure as no one is "perfect" in every way (Mary Poppins aside!).

I guess what I am trying to say is, do you feel that way too? Do you think that, as women, we put too much pressure on ourselves, (as well as society putting pressure on us) not to "fail" and do you think that we perceive failure differently to men?

OP posts:
ASmallMovie · 12/03/2021 10:10

I used to listen to it but it began to annoy me.

Every single person on it is a huge success!

Come up to the east end of Glasgow and see what failure looks like.

Also, I think the handful of working class people who've been on it (at least in the early seasons) had bursaries to elite private schools.

oggbogg · 12/03/2021 10:17

Yes @aSmallMovie - that's kind of my thinking. The podcast approaches 'failure' from within a very narrow slice of society and perhaps that's fine for what it is, but the total lack of critical thinking began to get on my nerves and I don't listen anymore.

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