This is not a TAAT

[ThatDonkeySaidLeaveIt]

But there are two threads that are running on MN at the moment.

In one a 17 year old did a silly thing and the result is that something of not high value broke and her mother is wondering if she should replace it.

On another, a mother is worried because a man in his mid thirties has been dating her 17 year old.

In the first thread people are being mostly quite nice and saying that the OP should replace for the daughter as she is only 17 and of course 17 year olds fuck up frequently, and basically she is still a teen. If the OP said that her 35 year old had made the same mistake the answers would assuredly be far fucking different. Because 35 year olds know better.

On the second thread while many poster are being quite sane about the level of fucked up of a man dating a 17 year old there are far far too many people acting like a 17 year old is an adult. But that seems to be that a seventeen year old is an adult for the purposes of being shagged by an adult man. And only for these purposes. And these posters seem to have a real personal need to make this point.

I don't know anyone on Mn who wants to lower the age of buying cigarettes or alcohol and I'm sure none of them wants their teen daughters to get pregnant at 17.

Is this just societal grooming that men are owed young women, or do you think many women need for it to be OK so they can feel better about their own relationships? It would be too unsettling to consider their close relationships?

They don't want to have to take a long hard look at the males around them, because boys will be boys! Or grown men who will never be expected to take responsibility for their actions.

Even into early 20s tbh there's very likely to be a "power gap" between them and a 35 year old.

A 17 year old will still need guidence from friends and family. I dont know what a 35 Yr old would have in common with a 17 year old tbh. Isnt it 20 something that the minimum wage levels out? Paid less ? ( happy to be corrected) huge gap in terms of income and the ability to be self sufficient.

I'm sure someone will be along to say they married married husband at 16 and earn more than him however that's not the.most likely outcome.

Very much agree OP. I was pressured into sex for the first time just before my 16th birthday by a 22 year old. This and matters immediately after fucked my head up considerably fo a long time and had a huge influence on how I saw myself for years after and the treatment I put up with.

That age gap on that thread is just not right when the youngest is 17. I'd say 9/10 young people really don't understand the complexities of a non physical but romantic relationship never mind a sexual one. You're so impressionable then and desperate to fit it and (despite rebelling against adults who actually want to keep you safe) keen to please especially when you have feelings for someone. The dynamic is so open to abuse.

Jesus no. Its stomach churning really when you think of all the ways a young person can be manipulated. Half of the threads in Relationships are from women who settled down young and often with a much older man, they give me anxiety and I've never even been in that situation.

When I think of me going for a guy similar in age to my son? No no no.

I don't care what those women say its about power and manipulation, either that or the man can't do adult relationships. What else is the attraction?

Excellent point.

I couldn't agree with you more. I sometimes wonder if some posters can remember what it's like to be 17. I can and I certainly wasn't an adult in any shape or form.

The legal age for sex should be about sex between peers, not an excuse for a man to groom a child.

35 is almost 40. DH is just over that hill. The thought of a man his age looking at a girl that young turns my stomach.