Do you think being brought up neutrally makes female friendships harder ?

[hustturnitoff]

I've always found it hard to connect with other women, I work in a male dominated industry too. I just wondered if having background of common girl interests growing up are a bonding thing and I missed out there ?

My mum was an accidental child 15 years younger than her brothers. She was left to her own devices and was very bookish and clever. She would describes her childhood as tomboy-ish.

When I was born ( I'm the oldest) my Mum said she brought me up the same as she had been, rather than a particularly conscious decision. So I didn't do ballet or gymnastics or brownies. I certainly didn't read books on princesses or to be honest I don't know what might be considered girls toys. She dressed me simply in whatever hand me downs she could get. Generally boys stuff as her good friend had a boy a few months older. I cycled and I mooched about, stared out of the window a lot, grew things. I had one doll a neighbour gave me as a gift.

My brother was born 3 years later and did all the usual boys hobbies football, cricket, rugby. I used to go into his room and look at all his toys, robots, vehicles, building stuff like Lego, whilst I had very little. My parents said I never really wanted anything not quite true, but my mum wouldn't buy me stuffed animals or dolls. Now this could of been favouritism or just my mum not having much either. We weren't particularly wealthy growing up in the 80's.

I have a son myself and a younger daughter and I am conscious not to push unhelpful stereotypes into my daughter. We have lots of toys already, but I wondered if I am replaying history again by not subscribing to getting her girls toys? This thread was inspired by a friend with similar age Dc again older boy, younger girl selling loads of her boys toys as her daughter won't want them, she'll want girl stuff.

Pre Covid my DS attended a princess birthday party, with I was so surprised by. All the girls dressed up and two adult princesses running it. I can't imagine me doing this, am I going to be isolating my daughter. Can you princess and be a feminist?

What are girls toys anyway ? I hope it's ok to post here??

My DD is only just one, although she probably would choose what she wants, she is in that fiesty phase of toddlerhood already. I also have a 5 year old DS. I am forty if that helps ?! I was quite surprised to have a girl, I just assumed I would have another boy. I don't know why, both babies we didn't find out until they were born.

I agree now reading that I wasn't brought up neutrally, but yes girls toys such as dolls weren't bought for me. My brother did have a lots of typical boys toys, maybe favouritism or just my Mum who did the buying found it easier to choose for him from her upbringing.

My DS has had things like a play kitchen and classic toys like train sets. So far he seems well rounded, taken him to try football, rugby and street dance. He's still young, but mainly likes just walking and running about. Loves nature and bugs. He enjoys school when it's on.

Interestingly I had asked my parents to buy the play kitchen for DS for his 1st birthday. I posted about this under another user name ages back. They said they wanted to spend £100 on him one Xmas and it was a small Hape wooden one £65 that I suggested. They refused saying it was a girls present. My DS still lives cooking and my mum can't understand it. I however didn't have play kitchen growing up.

I think maybe the social side, hobbies is the bit I missed more growing up, as it builds confidence outside school and interests even if you find you don't like it.

I feel a big responsibility to get this parenting thing right for both my DS and my DD.

I have tried to be neutral with my children. My first two are boys, I bought them dolls and swishy playsilks as well as all the other toys. Both went through a phase where pink was their favourite colour and my second son was obsessed with My Little Pony for about a year. They enjoyed cars and trucks and other things more usually associated with boys too. My daughter following behind them does have more of a tendency to want to play intricate games with the dolls house than they ever did, but she enjoys all the stuff people think of as 'boy stuff' too and all of them spend hours playing with neutral construction toys like lego. It helps that they are home educated and have less pressure to fit in with whatever their peers think is acceptable, but they seem content to enjoy whatever they enjoy in the moment without worrying about whether it is stereotypically for boys or girls. The other home educated children they hang out with are mostly quite alternative, so no-one much bats an eyelid at things out of the ordinary.

I agree with previous posters that is really problematic to consider traditionally boy stuff as neutral. Neutral means everything is for everyone!

That doesn't really answer the OP's question, but my daughter is still quite young, so I am not sure if it will affect her friendships later in life.