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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

Stonewall at school and my son likes to wear 'girls' clothes

20 replies

JackieBeaver · 13/02/2021 22:32

I'm having a bit of a panic

My ds7 loves clothes that covered in rainbows, pink and sparkles... he also loves marvel clothes and basically we just let him choose whatever he wants to wear.

He's not expressed wanting to be a girl or anything like that. He just likes what he likes.

I've just noticed the school he's at are a 'stonewall champion' school...

Please tell me what I need to be aware of because I'm just learning myself about feminist issues and while I'm happy for my son to wear what the hell he wants, I support women's rights and am so sick of the word woman being wiped out wherever possible.

Anyway. Stonewall... should I be worried?

OP posts:

7catsandcounting · 13/02/2021 22:36

Yes, you should be worried. You need to ask the head what Stonewall"s involvement is and that your child be taken out of class for any lessons using Stonewall"s material. I'm not in UK, so I don't know if you have that right. Others will be in the know.

Original poster

JackieBeaver · 13/02/2021 22:46

I've heard about stonewall materials... can anyone elaborate more on what they are?

OP posts:

Notyetcrazy · 13/02/2021 22:46

Check out www.transgendertrend.com they have the information you need to counter 'trans' narratives.

Original poster

JackieBeaver · 13/02/2021 22:47

@7catsandcounting

Thanks, I'm going to try and gather as much knowledge on this as I can and then approach the school.

OP posts:

OhHolyJesus · 13/02/2021 22:48

Check the school policies and safe schools alliance for their red flags document.

Google Mumsnet and Stonewall to find more. Sorry not to link but it's late and I need to get off my phone!

idontlikealdi · 13/02/2021 22:49

It might be a coincidence or not. I'd be very very wary of stonewall involvement.

Original poster

JackieBeaver · 13/02/2021 22:57

@idontlikealdi

It might be a coincidence or not. I'd be very very wary of stonewall involvement.

My son has been like this since he was toddler buying his first shoes... I don't think it's an influence from anyone, he's just obsessed with sparkles.

My main concern is that the school will push him in a direction he's not going to naturally go by himself. The school have already asked me to suggest some lgbtq books which I've got no idea on. So I think they see my son in his pink shoes and assume he's likely gay or wants to be a girl.

I'm not anti trans or anti anyone, i just don't want my son being pushed or influenced in any direction

OP posts:

idontlikealdi · 13/02/2021 23:23

Sorry should have been clearer, totally understand that but maybe school just picked someone is what I meant by coincidence

Yebanksandbraes · 14/02/2021 09:10

You are being a wonderfully supportive parent, happy for your son to be himself. In all honesty, if you are worried, speak to the school in depth about it, what it means. Will it influence how they treat your son. I suspect it just means they have been trained to be as open-minded as you are. However, if you are concerned, let them know. They will most likely reassure you that they have no intention of putting ideas in your child's head. Speak to them though, no-one on here can actually answer that question for you.

Helmetbymidnight · 14/02/2021 09:20

I suspect it just means they have been trained to be as open-minded as you are

dont think there is anything open-minded about stonewall nowadays and yes i would be mildly concerned. i would look at transgender trend's materials and then take them into and chat with the school.

whoami24601 · 14/02/2021 09:32

Speak to the school. I work in a stonewall champion school and literally all that means is that we had a training session once about 3 years ago. No mention of it since!

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 14/02/2021 09:39

I'd say it depends on how you feel about the school - did you open a dialogue about whether you were being prioritised for the lgbtq books because of the clothes your son likes, or is it a school-wide thing?
I'd feel happy to have a frank conversation with my DS's s hook, & feel that I would be heard.
But in the grand scheme, don't be worried, just be alert to uninformed & stereotyped learning & focus on your DS, supporting his confidence & self-esteem & independence, as we should all do with our children, & it will help them push back against stereotypes & ceilings & assumptions in school & life.

Helmetbymidnight · 14/02/2021 09:51

I work in a stonewall champion school and literally all that means is that we had a training session once about 3 years ago. No mention of it since!

your school pays from £150 - £800 p/a for that? blimey.

DeeplyMovingExperience · 14/02/2021 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PheasantPlucker1 · 14/02/2021 10:02

Id make an appointment with the head and explain exactly what you have said here, and ask him to be pulled from any lessons including the word "gender".

Liking sparkles doesnt make one female!

grey12 · 14/02/2021 10:04

You live in the UK? And your child doesn't have school uniform? I thought all schools had it...

OvaHere · 14/02/2021 10:10

You live in the UK? And your child doesn't have school uniform? I thought all schools had it...

There are a few primaries that don't. I wasn't aware they existed until my sisters kids attend one.

JellySlice · 14/02/2021 12:04

Even if the OP's ds is removed from genderist lessons, the other children will still be exposed to the ideology. They will very likely label him. It has happened to one of my dc. Your ds had better be well-primed to have replies available when his classmates ask him if he is a girl.

Original poster

JackieBeaver · 14/02/2021 14:12

@grey12

You live in the UK? And your child doesn't have school uniform? I thought all schools had it...

They do have school uniform, but on non uniform days and his coat, lunchbox and trainers for example show his preferred style.

Luckily ds is very strong willed and confident in himself. He thinks the whole 'pink is for girls' and 'blue is for boys' thing is ridiculous and he does have some comebacks when people ask him why he's wearing girl stuff... mainly he says 'mind your own business' or 'don't be jelly' or 'why is this only for girls' and 'because I want to'

I was really nervous for him at first and gave him the option of keeping his pink stuff for home but he wants to wear it. We've spoke about the comments he's likely to get and the judgments because he's challenging gender stereotypes etc and that people will notice. He understands as much as he can and although he's had a few comments, ultimately he's had a lot of support, has lots of friends and he's armed ready with his comebacks.

He's never expressed wanting to be a girl, he is frustrated that he has to buy from the 'girls' section because he doesn't see why boys can't wear pink and sparkles too if they want to and I'm inclined to agree when you can openly buy 'boy' print clothes for girls and this is encouraged and applauded, whereas there's nothing 'girl' print for boys... especially in underwear department or trousers etc which require a certain fit.

I've already spoken to the school once I realised that this wasn't a phase and they've been ok so far, I'm worried as they've only recently done stonewall training. Hopefully my son has opened their minds a little that just because he wears pink, doesn't make him a girl or gay or anything other than the person he is.

Argh however saying that, I've just remembered, his class were given a sheet to fill out on the differences between a boy and girl, but the only differences were their clothes and hair... we didn't complete it, actually as we thought it was a bit insensitive and daft.

I'm waffling

OP posts:

Original poster

JackieBeaver · 14/02/2021 14:13

@JellySlice

Sorry to hear it's happened to your one of your dc. It's very worrying

OP posts:

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