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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

I think my dd is coming out the other side of ROGD

29 replies

hiredandsqueak · 13/02/2021 21:34

I've posted occasionally about my daughter who out of the blue declared herself transgender. I was scared and confused but I've lurked on here and followed links and whilst being supportive and using her preferred name and pronoun I've also questioned and challenged her gently.
She moved schools (to an independent specialist autism school) and lockdown happened (she still went to school) and slowly things started to change. The moods and the tears lessened, the strops if I used the wrong name ceased, her choice of clothes altered, she stopped denying she had any interest in things she considered feminine and reverted to being the person she was before she decided otherwise.
Last week she sent me a text saying she was sorry for having been such an arse these past few years and thanking me for being there.
So thank you to all on here whose wisdom I've read and whose links I have followed, you might not have known but it helped enormously.

OP posts:
SophocIestheFox · 13/02/2021 21:38
Flowers

Wishing you and your daughter all the best x

persistentwoman · 13/02/2021 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ContessaDiPulpo · 13/02/2021 21:45

That is lovely news OP; at the very least it sounds like you're probably getting on better so that is great in of itself.

picklemewalnuts · 13/02/2021 21:47

I'm so pleased for you, and her. Thanks

OhHolyJesus · 13/02/2021 21:52

So so pleased for your daughter and for you too. It can be done!

Original poster
hiredandsqueak · 13/02/2021 21:58

I think the autism made/makes her feel different and she couldn't identify with the majority in a mainstream secondary so she hooked up with others online who felt similarly different. Now in a school where all of the pupils have autism she has found her peer group and can feel comfortable in her own skin.

OP posts:
colouringindoors · 13/02/2021 22:00

❤❤❤ to you and your dd. I think we're going in the same direction.

user1471484795 · 13/02/2021 22:06

This happened to us too. Out of the blue announced she wanted to be a boy. Told school who called me up and started using her boys name despite me saying no. Then we changed schools because of her being bullied and in the past six months she has started wearing female clothes again and growing out her hair and telling me how great us females are...and being proud of her female body. We have not directly asked her but I think the moving away from a bullying group of girls into a new school has helped. She seems happier now.

persistentwoman · 13/02/2021 22:11

Not sure why my well last comment was deleted? I'm very pleased that your daughter has reached the place she's in OP. All parents will empathise with you and all the other parents going through this with their children. Flowers

Soontobe60 · 13/02/2021 22:14

She’s very brave for being honest about who she really is. Big hugs to both of you.x

OvaHere · 13/02/2021 22:19

That's lovely OP very pleased for you both. I have a son with autism and although we haven't had this issue we've had other difficulties that we are slowly starting to come out the other side of. I know it's a time of huge stress and worry as they try to figure out where they fit in the world

AnonymousAuroch · 13/02/2021 22:19

I'm so happy for both of you. Can I ask how old she is now, and when she came out as trans? xx

FannyCann · 13/02/2021 22:26

I'm very pleased for you OP and user1471484795
It must be a great relief. Very important these stories get out as they add weight to the narrative of watch and wait and the vast majority will grow out of it if allowed to.

Today I have watched the first couple of episodes in this four part series "Dysohiric". Brilliant documentary films, and a very important record of this time. I really recommend them for their clarity and common sense.

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRU9NIX0AA143z2QKukQcOqS96qriKGyw

Original poster
hiredandsqueak · 13/02/2021 22:27

She's eighteen in a few days she was fourteen when she declared herself transgender. It's been a long four years.

OP posts:
SirSamuelVimes · 13/02/2021 22:38

Oh I am so, so, so pleased for you & your DD, OP.

Gcnq · 13/02/2021 22:41

Well done for maintaining her trust in you it can be scary thinking they'll never speak to you again over pronouns etc.

AfternoonToffee · 13/02/2021 22:56

That's lovely news, and shows that sensitive watch and wait is the way to go.

gardenbird48 · 13/02/2021 22:58

Now in a school where all of the pupils have autism she has found her peer group and can feel comfortable in her own skin.

So pleased for you, dd and user1471.

I still can’t believe that we live in a world where not everyone is delighted that a child has escaped a lifetime of medication, amputations and major surgery but I am super delighted for you all.

rednsparkley · 13/02/2021 23:19

I'm so pleased for you hiredandsqueak and pleased that your daughter is happier in her own skin. We are in the same position (although my daughter is younger) and it is a huge relief. I hope your DD continues to flourish Flowers

notyourhandmaid · 13/02/2021 23:21

Flowers OP, that is great news. I'm glad she's happier now.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 13/02/2021 23:30

That's really positive OP Thanks

stumbledin · 14/02/2021 00:12

This sounds fantastic, and it sounds like you handled the situation brilliantly.

So sad this that those with autism seem to be pushed to think trans is the solution.

But also, the wider issue of bullying in school can be such a blight on those on the receiving end. I wish we could take that daily terror away from youngy people.

Now probably isn't the time, but have you thought about writing down how it all started and the ups and downs. I am sure it would be really useful for others who find themselves in a similar situation.

So glad for both of you!

RagzReturnsRebooted · 14/02/2021 02:02

Excellent news, I have a friend with a 14 year old DD going through it all right now and it's so hard. I'm really pleased your DD is happier now and accepting herself,even more so that she appreciates your support.
There is hope!

unwashedanddazed · 14/02/2021 02:08

So good to hear stories of girls coming out the other side of this. I think posting about this will be a great comfort for other parents going through it.

Just finished Irreversible Damage by Abigail Shrier - can't recommend it highly enough.

StillAWoman2 · 14/02/2021 10:51

So pleased for you hiredandsqueak and user1471484795 Flowers its good your daughters are starting to appreciate how hard its been on you as well