'Before we commence these medications, you do need to be aware of particular risks associated with them. [goes through list of known side effects]. And there is an increased risk of cancer in certain areas, so you would need to be familiar with self examination techniques. [pause]
Um...you need to check..your..um...chest. Not the rib part as such. Not really the sides, except for your armpit, you need to check that as well. Mainly the bit in the middle. No, not just around the nipple, more than that. No, not the ummmm...chest bone itself, although around the edges of it is included. Your chest, you know. The bit that would be squished in a mammogram? Oh, a mammogram is a special xray of...chests.
Oh, I know - here's a leaflet about breast cancer. Men get that. You need to check your chest like men with smaller chests do. But a bit more often. Because your chest is a bit...bigger...than some men have...No, I'm not saying that's a problem, but it's more difficult to find problems as early when men have larger bits of their chests. Your chest measurement is 28 inches. Ah. Yes, but there are parts of your chest that are a little...larger...than other men. No, of course I'm not bodyshaming you, I'm trying to explain that those bits on your chest - sorry, sorry - your natural - oh shit - those - need to be checked regularly when you're taking a medication that can increase the risk of cancer. What do I mean and where? In those! Your, your - OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, YOUR BREASTS. CHECK THEM FOR LUMPS. YOUR BREASTS.