Thanking mums for juggling childcare/work during pandemic

[MedusasBadHairDay]

Just seen a tweet by Emma Barnet (and RTed by WEP) where she was reacting to Rishi Sunak saying "We owe mums everywhere an enormous debt of thanks". Her response was, "Did you forget a parent group?"

I'm torn on it because, while men clearly should be stepping up, we know that actually women have been the ones most likely to take on the childcare and homeschooling and housework and have to give up or reduce their hours at work. So thanking parents instead of mums seems blind to the gendered nature of the situation to me.

I do very much doubt he's approaching it from a feminist perspective though, and women could do with more than just thanks right now - so I'm a little loathe to agree with him. But I do lean towards thinking he is right to phrase it like this.

She can't let us have anything of our own can she?

Periods? Nope.
Thanks from Sunak? Definitely not.

Parent group? DFOD.

Torn, also, as I do know some (very few) men who need included. But it should also be acknowledged that this pandemic is fucking women like nothing else since the 1950s.

do you think this 'debt of thanks' could be paid by FUCKING LISTENING TO US?

No, didn't think so. We'll be patted on the head and fucking patronised some more while everyone carries on calling us fucking cervix havers, childbearers, gestational carriers and non-men.

IKR.

Just seen people on twitter pointing out that he's probably thanking mums now because he believes that it's a woman's role to do these things, and not for a man to lower himself to, and I get that. The intent behind it might not be good, and there's an argument for normalising parenting not just being a woman's role by using gender neutral language. But, having read Invisible Women, it's clear gender neutral language doesn't stop people associating traditionally gendered roles with particular sexes. It just seems to hide the bias instead.

I think it's a fair point about acknowledging fathers but quite honestly I also think it's something men should be picking up on. We've got enough on our plate without taking on their battles too.

If he had said "parents" then people would have complained that he hadn't singled out mothers in particular so I don't think he could have won either way

do you think this 'debt of thanks' could be paid by FUCKING LISTENING TO US?

That'd be good wouldn't it, but no, no chance.

Recent studies published by W&E show the impact of the pandemic on women.

In my family the sex-based split on childcare, cooking, shopping etc is fair and that's because I've worked pretty hard to create that since returning to work.

Thank parents, sure, but to thank mums especially who have undoubtably done more, carried more than normal, in these unusually time is quite nice for once TBH.

Tbf, I'm with her. My DH has picked up all the parenting slack since last March. I know lots and lots of families in similar situations.

From everything the government has shown to date I'm finding it hard to give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't just assuming that of course the mums pick up all the slack.

Either way, to me it's like the clap for carers - it's all well and good expressing the sentiment, but without real change below the surface it's meaningless, patronising and doesn't bring us closer to equality.

I'd prefer that debt of gratitude be paid with, quality free nursery provision, legal furlough for parents and as @MedusasBadHairDay LISTENING TO US!

@Ohalrightthen

Tbf, I'm with her. My DH has picked up all the parenting slack since last March. I know lots and lots of families in similar situations.

The statistics say it's largely women though. Exceptions don't make that not the case.

@CJA37

From everything the government has shown to date I'm finding it hard to give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't just assuming that of course the mums pick up all the slack.

Either way, to me it's like the clap for carers - it's all well and good expressing the sentiment, but without real change below the surface it's meaningless, patronising and doesn't bring us closer to equality.

I'd prefer that debt of gratitude be paid with, quality free nursery provision, legal furlough for parents and as @MedusasBadHairDay LISTENING TO US!

Yeah, that's largely where I am. Personally I think that of all the things to criticise him/the government for, saying "mums" isn't what I'd pick out.

Fathers who feel their extra work has been ignored should take it up with Sunak. Good for them. I just don't think it's up to feminists to tackle everything that's wrong with the world.

@OhHolyJesus

She can't let us have anything of our own can she?

Periods? Nope.
Thanks from Sunak? Definitely not.

Parent group? DFOD.

I think EB is sarcastically pointing out that it shouldn't be just mothers' responsibility and Sunak failed to mention it.

It's a shame Angela Rayner missed the opportunity to highlight that and made a fool of herself by responding 'Erm you know Mums work too'. He did say 'juggling childcare and work' , and it was in response to Joy Morrissey MP who said:

“Many female business owners have found themselves working full-time jobs at home while bearing full-time responsibility for childcare and home schooling all at the same time. May I thank my right honourable friend for all the steps he is taking to alleviate the difficulties experienced by mothers who just want to work and contribute to the economy with their children safely back in school.”

Mr Sunak replied: “My honourable friend is absolutely right and we owe mums everywhere an enormous debt of thanks for doing the enormously difficult job of juggling childcare and work at this tricky time.

“I know she will join me in being happy that early years settings have been open for a while.

“But she’s absolutely right, the only way to sustainably solve this challenge is to safely reopen our schools as quickly as we can.”

www.theargus.co.uk/news/national/19039387.sunak-fire-thanking-mums-juggling-childcare-work/

God forbid anyone leave men out of something.

I think she's coming at it from the perspective of challenging the assumption that women are, by default, the primary caregivers.

But the challenge is a bit misplaced when actually, stats clearly show that - yes, women are overwhelmingly being dumped on and expected to juggle, compromise, and sacrifice their own time, employment and personal wellbeing to take responsibility for care and education of children.

EB is not striking a blow for female empowerment by totally failing to recognise or acknowledge the day to day experience of huge numbers of women.

It's the split between what is happening now, and where we would ideally be.

The older I get, the more I see that you need to tackle both - strive to get where you want to be, but you mustn't ignore the reality of what is happening now, because you need to physically make the change rather than just wish it away.

@SkylightAndChandelier

It's the split between what is happening now, and where we would ideally be.

The older I get, the more I see that you need to tackle both - strive to get where you want to be, but you mustn't ignore the reality of what is happening now, because you need to physically make the change rather than just wish it away.

I think you are right, probably when I was younger I'd have been outraged at the use of "mums" too.

With Sunak on this one. In our family, I have continued to work FT and my job, whilst mega stressful, has not been under threat.

DH has been furloughed, reduced his hours, been responsible for 3 children 5 n under 2 days a week, and been really dicked about by his employer inc implicit threats if he takes any more time off for childcare.

But I am not representative and nationwide, it is women bearing the brunt of this.

Regardless of what Rishi said and the context, we need to talk about gender inequality, gender roles and the disproportionate impact the pandemic is having on women. So many studies out there by the likes of McKinsey and the World Economic Forum that speak to a widening gulf. For the women out there with gems of DHs, that's great they share the load and have stepped up. But your experience is not the reality for most working mums.

I think the reason Sunak's comment infuriated so many of us is that we're sick to the back teeth of "juggling". Anecdotally I see far more families where mum is the key worker and dad is WFH and the kids are in school than where it is the other way around. Why? Because even in a pandemic men with careers are not expected to look after their children!
I see women (some of them the strongest, most capable women I know) struggling with poor mental health and exhaustion, choosing furlough or turning down work because they have too much on their plates.
Enough - this has to change. We have to prepare the next generation otherwise our daughters will be left with this patriarchal, wanting society. Or they just won't want to have children because employers and society make it so difficult.

And I'm so sick of feminism being a bad word! We need it now more than ever.

To quote Marina Hyde on Twitter: "I think I speak for 'mums' everywhere when I say we all need some surrendered multitasking wife to free us up to climb the greasy pole of whatever it is we want to do with our much more important time"

[quote ArabellaScott]Torn, also, as I do know some (very few) men who need included. But it should also be acknowledged that this pandemic is fucking women like nothing else since the 1950s.

do you think this 'debt of thanks' could be paid by FUCKING LISTENING TO US?

No, didn't think so. We'll be patted on the head and fucking patronised some more while everyone carries on calling us fucking cervix havers, childbearers, gestational carriers and non-men.

[/quote] All of this!

He should have thanked parents and acknowledged that the burden has hugely and disproportionately fallen on women.

What he did was reinforce that women are (should be) responsible for childcare.

Anecdotally I see far more families where mum is the key worker and dad is WFH and the kids are in school than where it is the other way around. Why? Because even in a pandemic men with careers are not expected to look after their children!

Yeah, I'd noticed that too. Wish I could say I was surprised by it, but..

I agree with @Helsbels44 but I also think EB's comment is 'What about the menz!' writ large and if it was intended otherwise it's very poorly worded from a journalist.

It’s just patronising....unless he backs up his tweet with a surprise budget announcement if £500 for every mum as a thank you bonus.

All he did was pat women on the head and emphasise that he thinks that that is their place. “Thanks wimin for letting us men get on with the important jobs”.