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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Am I the only one who gets irritated when someone shares this?

65 replies

WhoWants2Know · 04/01/2021 23:53

I've seen dozens of variations of this story shared on social media. Lad saves innocent young girl from her period.

It doesn't actually strike me as wholesome. It kind of reminds me of that person (the one who sued waxers) who used to start threads about what to do if they were in a gender neutral toilet and a young girl asked for period advice,

Leaks happen. It's nobody's favourite thing. I can't say I've ever noticed a leak on someone else's person, and I wouldn't necessarily expect a leak to be on the back of a pair of trousers unless the woman had been lying down.

Maybe I'm overthinking, but does anyone else feel like this story is less of a wholesome anecdote and more a patronising way of insinuating that women NEED men because they're at the mercy of their biological functions?

Am I the only one who gets irritated when someone shares this?
OP posts:
WhichOneOfUsIsCaving2 · 05/01/2021 12:34

@LangClegTheBeardedVulture

This 100% didn’t happen.

Yes. It's the different versions that gives it away. Internet 101.

notassigned · 05/01/2021 12:43

Didn't happen.

I'm with the OP.

Thelnebriati · 05/01/2021 13:19

Not only did it never happen, its just another reminder that period blood is unacceptable and shouldn't be seen. If she'd had a nosebleed she wouldn't have to cover it up.

NecessaryScene1 · 05/01/2021 13:35

I get where the OP is coming from - I do wonder what the point of sharing this is if it's true (much like happy Boxing Day fox tales), plus I vaguely wonder what it's supposed to be saying if it's just made up.

But, FWIW I had a vaguely similar incident maybe 15 years ago - spotting a woman who had a sanitary towel stuck to the back of her skirt.

This was walking into town down a side street with the other half, and she was some way ahead of us - I guess we'd both just come out of our houses. So we were faced with the social dilemma of politely ignoring it, or making the effort to try to catch up with her to point it out before she reached the main street.

We went for the fast walk and "er, there's something stuck to your skirt", and then overtaking and going on ahead to let her sort herself out on her own.

Never felt any need to share that story, but I guess may as well offer it up as a real-life one, compared to whatever that is in the OP. Certainly didn't feel like having some sort of bonding experience with the woman over it...

NiceGerbil · 05/01/2021 21:42

'"And consideration would be to ask one of his female friends, or hers, on the bus, to tell her."

Why? Are periods so unspeakably awful that men can't even mention them?'

When you're a girl on the school bus. Yes! If course.

It's not girls fault that they are considered like that. Blame many mainstream religions. Blame patriarchy. Blame the Victorians.

It is not schoolgirls fault. It is not women's fault for remembering being schoolgirls and how embarrassed they would have been.

It's also the norm for women to help with 'womens stuff'. Because of all this. Maybe one day it will be all aok but that's not where we are.

I've been in many situations where a nice man has said there's a women/ girl there she needs xyz can you help. And I go and help.

I would say that's what a normal nice bloke do does tbh. Because we are where we are. And tbf. Same sex are more understanding you know, we've maybe been there or can imagine.

Remember we're talking about children on a school bus.

And yeah. 100% this never happened. She told him she was 'kind of embarrassed'? He said I've got sisters it's all good? I mean bleeding through your clothes happens unfortunately but not that often and not to everyone. Makes it sound like it's common. Standard.

And if it's a school bus. If she was sitting down he wouldn't know. So they're standing up. I know nothing of USA school buses. On the Simpsons they're always sitting! If standing then it wouldn't go through the skirt. Gravity. And if that packed that he could talk to her without being obvious and give her a top etc. How did he even see?

Million holes in this story.

Yes I maintain that in a situation like this the kind thing to do is mention it to one or her friends or a female friend of yours and get them to tell her.

Quaagars · 05/01/2021 22:22

So point it out to even more people to look at her?
I'd have been more embarrassed at that to be honest rather than one person just discreetly telling me!

NiceGerbil · 05/01/2021 22:32

No not even more people.

One person of the same sex on the school bus.

When I've had men come up to me and say eg so and so just burst into tears and went into the bog / I'm a bit worried about that girl over there she looks upset and it's late / there's a girl over there who's so pissed she can't stand up. I say ok and go and have a look.

It's not unusual. A quiet word in an ear is not pointing out out to more people. And it's ok to know that in some situations, in the society we live in, it's better coming from some sorts of people, from time to time. That's just being sensitive.

DidoLamenting · 05/01/2021 23:19

There's a lot of holes in the story but "why didn't he draw more attention to her by telling another girl" isn't one of them.

I love the rosy tinted view on here that all girls are part of a lovely sisterhood that will help each other out.

NiceGerbil · 05/01/2021 23:27

It's not a rose tinted view.

And it's not about any old random.

It's a female friend of his. Or of hers.

Who would clearly not be arseholes.

No it didn't happen.

I have certainly been asked by men to check on girls/ women. And that's ok.

In an ideal world it would be different. That's not the world we live in. And in the world we live in, women and girls often feel more comfy being approached by another female with this stuff.

DidoLamenting · 05/01/2021 23:35

Not a rosy tinted view - oh ha ha.

If this story were true the boy in question, who is in the year above her and doesn't know her, is expected by you to look round to find a female friend of his or hers. If this were true god help her if he happened to pick one of the small group of girls who made my life a misery in 3rd and 4th year.

I still don't understand why it is so wrong, if it were true, for him to speak direct. Why are some of you so invested in the idea that periods are so shameful they cannot be spoken of by a boy?

Fuckingcrustybread · 05/01/2021 23:37

My son would have done this, and he would never have told me, if he had told me, I would not have shared this on Facebook. Because neither one of us is a fucking attention seeking twat.

SpikySara · 05/01/2021 23:46

Oh god, this reminds me of when I had a leak once and I was wearing pale grey trousers. Thank god nobody said anything, I’d have been mortified. I tied my own sweater round my waist though, it seems pretty odd that the girl in the story didn’t have one?

Quaagars · 05/01/2021 23:47

I love the rosy tinted view on here that all girls are part of a lovely sisterhood that will help each other out

Same
Can just imagine if someone had pointed out at school all helpfully "as they're another girl" - there's a lot I'm thinking of I would NOT have wanted to know, as they'd have been awful about it!
Far rather some discreet nice boy point it out at school rather than talk to the nearest girl to let me know.
A lot would have been awful and taken the piss.

Quaagars · 05/01/2021 23:49

Why are some of you so invested in the idea that periods are so shameful they cannot be spoken of by a boy?

Very true

Musicandmovement · 05/01/2021 23:52

I actually witnessed this happening on a bus when I was at school. It was a fellow female pupil who helped the girl in question though.

NiceGerbil · 06/01/2021 00:05

I really don't see how or why the idea of the boy

Quietly mentioning it to one of her friends
Or
Asking one of his female friends to talk to her

I don't know how USA school buses work but I assume it's the same children every day who live near each other. I got a school bus and it was that way here.

I really don't understand why the idea of a bloke quietly saying something to a girl he knows and trusts, or saying something to a girl he knows is the girl's friend, is so awful.

In fact I find it really strange.

And also still. Didn't happen.

Quaagars · 06/01/2021 00:06

It's a female friend of his. Or of hers
Who would clearly not be arseholes

Why would they clearly not be arseholes?
If he pointed out to one of his female friends, who wasn't one of mine, they could quite easily have been one of the bullying arseholes I had to put up with!
Not that he'd have known that and in your view was just trying to help out as they're female and he's not?

MissBarbary · 06/01/2021 00:17

@NiceGerbil

I really don't see how or why the idea of the boy

Quietly mentioning it to one of her friends
Or
Asking one of his female friends to talk to her

I don't know how USA school buses work but I assume it's the same children every day who live near each other. I got a school bus and it was that way here.

I really don't understand why the idea of a bloke quietly saying something to a girl he knows and trusts, or saying something to a girl he knows is the girl's friend, is so awful.

In fact I find it really strange.

And also still. Didn't happen.

I find it utterly bizarre that you would assume that travelling on the same school bus automatically makes them friends or that the girl he might pick would without question be helpful.

I'm still mystified why the boy needs to find a female third party.

DidoLamenting · 06/01/2021 00:20

Sorry forgot to name change back after Archers thread.

NiceGerbil · 06/01/2021 00:24

I'm equally mystified by the not understanding.

If you travel on the same school bus every day you know all the children.

He would know who her friends were.
He would, being a nice bloke, know which of his female friends were nice.

This didn't happen. You understand that? But even so.

When in situations where girls or women need help, are you saying it's, what. Sexist? For girls or women to prefer someone their own sex talking to them. And sexist for a man or boy to get a woman or girl to step in?

Cheeeeislifenow · 06/01/2021 00:31

I was in Spain and older lady came up to me. She knew I was a tourist but came really close to my face and muttered in spanish and said "blood". In a really strong spanish accent. It makes me laugh because it s like she was reporting a murder 🤣🤣🤣

Quaagars · 06/01/2021 00:42

He would, being a nice bloke, know which of his female friends were nice

To him, maybe! How does he know if they bully other girls though?!

NiceGerbil · 06/01/2021 00:50

Maybe some of this is lost in situation.

I got a school bus every day, every day the same kids. We all recognised each other and knew which was in the age groups etc.

I don't really get why this super sensitive guy would make a total miss when thinking, hmm who is nice that I can go and ask to have a quiet word.

And I don't understand the idea that it doesn't matter what sex comes to help when things are bad. I've been in loads of situations where men have said, can you xyz. When they were worried. Were they wrong to do that? I find it strange that this is a massive point of contention.

DidoLamenting · 06/01/2021 00:51

@Quaagars

He would, being a nice bloke, know which of his female friends were nice

To him, maybe! How does he know if they bully other girls though?!

Indeed.

He would know who her friends were.
He would, being a nice bloke, know which of his female friends were nice

The naivety there is astonishing.

DidoLamenting · 06/01/2021 00:52

You still haven't explained why he should speak to her through a third party.

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