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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Disentangling maleness versus masculinity for a heterosexual woman

27 replies

oggbogg · 04/01/2021 17:12

Hi all, I hope you don't mind me asking something. I love this board on Mumsnet. I have learnt so much reading it but am typically a lurker rather than a poster. Anyway, I have been thinking about something, not especially important or intellectual, but interesting to me. I will try to explain it as clearly I can and I sincerely hope that it is not offensive to anybody or too stupid.

So, I believe in binary sex (M/F) but that gender is socially constructed. However, as a heterosexual woman I also think that I am attracted to men because of their masculinity (I guess, gender) rather than necessarily or only maleness (sex). It's not that I expect men to conform to gender stereotypes or much at all (or that I do for that matter) but I am aware or at least I think that there is something about men's 'difference' that I find attractive, which starts from the physical but goes beyond that.

So actually ... maybe I do expect men to conform with male stereotypes more than I like to admit!? I have a suspicion that this is probably to do with my own social conditioning. But it also feels like a contradiction in terms, to find (some, clearly not all!) men attractive in part for their 'difference,' while also feeling that those differences don't really exist.

This is a real ramble but can anyone help me to unravel this? Again, I hope it doesn't sound insensitive or offensive.

OP posts:
Cailleach1 · 06/01/2021 13:24

I agree with above. If someone is egging the pudding on stereotype performance, it isn't really their natural selves.

Life isn't so simple sometimes. Sometimes (with physical attributes) people say they like a certain look. Then someone comes along who looks nothing like that and takes your breath away with how attractive you find them.

Stripesnomore · 06/01/2021 13:52

There are obviously different tropes that appeal to different women, many of which have been outlined on this thread.

I like feminine men. I am not attracted to women of any kind or masculine men.

It’s fine if you like masculine men OP.

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