Basic feminism for teaching your son/daughter primary and secondary age

[2021hastobebetter]

Over the last couple of years I've started to get VERY concerned about women's rights going backwards and not forwards.

Everyday sexism -I read the book, having considered myself a feminist all my life I realised that in fact I'd let things slide a bit. My Mum considers herself a feminist (80) but we chatted about how even now she would say 'are you putting some lippy on?' if I was going out etc to me -but not to my brother both aged 30 years ago and even now -brother not expected to wear makeup -I am -even now (40s). The teenage snapchat, selfie, pouting, make myself an object seems to be passing my teenagers by -but porn is horrific and I want to educate them. We talked about this constant objectifying of women -and women saying it is 'empowering' and whether or not it really is (we don't think so). A quick look at a certain new outlet today -multiple pics of scantily clad women -all for us to drool over. My daughter was asked in school by a boy she didn't know for her number -she gave it to him but then worried about it and why she felt she couldn't say no. I said it's hard -what's the alternative 'No' sounds rude to other members of society like 'poor guy he's only asking for your number maybe he is interested in you' type things -but why can't we be in a society where we are able to say 'No, sorry not interested' without making excuses etc or worrying about offending, 'Fake number' is not nice -and so on -but why can't girls just say 'No I don't want to' -she's after tips to 'stand up for herself better'. After a long chat -she's decided next time to just say 'Sorry I only give my number out to people I know really well' or something -but we then got on to leggings (no pockets, show off your legs and bum) -why are they suitable for girls as daywear but not boys, high heels, expected standards for women and girls and to some extent boys, in terms of make up / clothes.

Be gentle it's my first post on FWR -how can we raise and educate our daughters and sons -other than keeping dialogue open and emphasising the women's aspect etc -are there any good teenage girls / boy podcasts etc that delve into this in an accessible way for either gender, a teenager or a parent?

Following with interest. Also a Mum to a teenage girl.
I've been talking about what feminism is and how it looks in everyday life with her for ever. She follows a few people on Instagram, not sure who! But issues like the phone number are really illustrative of female socialisation and erosion of boundaries. I've never been a fan of 'be kind' and have always suggested 'be fair' as a better approach!

Excellent questions OP, and I'll be interested in the answers you get.

I recommend some resources called culture reframed. They are free and by an academic and anti pornography campaigner called Gail Dines. Loads of good stuff anyhow to have conversations at different ages.

Pointing out and naming double standards or crappy stereotypes.

Before toys are us closed the 'boys' aisle and 'girls' aisle were good conversation starters. So is the Victoria's secret shop front. 'why doesn't this shop exist for men?'

I gave my teenage son ‘why does he do that’ and ‘pornland’ to read. He genuinely found them interesting & it’s led to some discussion.
Would very much like to see recommendations from others.

I'll have a look at Gail Dines etc. Thanks any sort of youth podcasts would be good.

Eldest has read 'Everyday sexism' and has been raised to question everything. My career is very very traditionally male and I'm a single parent -so she has that as a role model and we talk about the news and things that happen all the time.

Younger son -nods along but I'm worried his Dad doesn't live with us but will say things like 'Get your Mum to sew that on I'm not doing it' -when son comes home -I'm like here's the needle and thread -boys can sew too. But that's me being conscious of it and trying to push back. Ex will say he asked for me to sew it on as I brought the shirt and he doesn't have needles and thread etc -when challenged -so that side is hard.

I do point out the double standards etc, My Dad told my daughter 'ladies go first' and she pulled him up on it and we had a discussion about it. We talked contraception and the idea that although the pill is you being in control of your body (if you want) it doesn't protect against STI and where is the man's responsibility? There's ownership and empowerment but a fine boundary between that objectification such as if you pose nude -and you get £1,000 -has the woman 'won as she had earnt her money fair and square' -I pose these questions as and when they come up and we discuss them. I know a dialogue is important but I suppose I'm looking for resources -particularly with younger boys 10+ as well -what do you do with them -at the moment I'm doing to same in an age friendly way etc.

Gail Dines is great, would also recommend Pornland for you to read OP & Natasha Walter's Living Dolls: The Return of Sexism. I'm not that clued up about resources for teenagers although your daughter may get on with Living Dolls depending on age.

For younger kids Let's Talk About: Bodies, Boundaries, Consent & Respect (4-8 yrs I'd say) is a useful starting point.

Preteen boys here. They see their father pulling their weight around the house - there's no women's work.

They know a father cannot babysit his own children. He parents.

They understand the Bechdel test and now apply it religiously to everything they watch.

I felt I was doing ok the other day when I pointed out a squirrel and wondered aloud what he was doing. 'Might be a she, Mummy - everyday sexism' said the little one

@AndNob

Hi, thanks for this thread. I wrote this book about the feminist theory called The Grumpy Guide to Radical Feminism, and so far, I'm told by a friend that her daughter, 13, read it and loved it! My name is Andreia Nobre, I'm a Brazilian Journalist, aligned with radical feminism. I think it would be great as an introduction to teens. If this is of any interest to you, please let me know! It's a 2nd edition, and now it's in 4 languages: English, Portuguese, French and Spanish. For laughs and feminist theory xxx ]]

I follow you on Twitter! Glad you're here.

Thanks for these resources. I was thinking of starting a similar thread asking for ways to talk to DS aged 9. He's an only child and I've noticed he's very negative about 'girly' toys like dolls or films like frozen.

Forgot about this one - Feminism by Deborah Cameron, could be good for teens. It's part of the Ideas in Profile: Small Introductions to Big Topics series.

Hi everyone, I would like an answer from Mumsnet about why I can't post about my book on Mumsnet on topics where people are asking info about books. How does that violate rules? If users are asking for tips on books, I cannot suggest a book I wrote? Or the problem is that I am being reported because the book is about radical feminism?

I think it's probably because you can't promote your own book, however relevant. Mumsnet will usually explain why but you could check the rules. I don't think it's personal or judging of your viewpoint.

@Beamur

I think it's probably because you can't promote your own book, however relevant. Mumsnet will usually explain why but you could check the rules. I don't think it's personal or judging of your viewpoint.

Oh, so authors are not allowed to say they wrote a book on Mumsnet conversations? Because even my own standalone posts about it were deleted and I was banned from the forum, unable to sign in. That's a shame, I was guaranteed I could let ppl know about the book on Mumsnet. But thanks for the answer and have a good they.

Thanks I have read all the posts and links to all the books! I will investigate 👌