Title and name when married

[Nicknamegoeshere]

So when I marry OH I am remaining Miss Family Name. I'm 40 and divorced, this will be my second marriage.

My mum is shocked at this and says I will be Mrs Husband's Surname. She thinks anything else is "disrespectful".

My in-laws are less judgemental but also just assumed I'd become Mrs Husband's Surname.

The idea gives me the rage!

I know we're going to get cards to Mr and Mrs... eurgh!!!

Thanks @Nicknamegoeshere

I struggle with the marriage thing as many of my friends and family are very traditional and I can't be bothered to explain a thousand times why I don't want a big white wedding and why I don't want to change my name. I'm sure some of them would see it as me judging their decisions as well. It just puts me off the whole thing altogether.

Given I've not got any kids my assumption is that I could handle financial things through a will (?) but I'm always interested as to why other women (especially other feminists) choose to get married.

I am not my father's property. My family name is MY name. I've owned it since birth and it's just as much my name as it was his. Oddly enough no one has ever suggested to my brother that his name is on loan from our father.

In France and Germany adult women become Frau and Madame by default. I'd not object to the 'Mrs' title were the same custom adopted in the UK. As it's not, I use Dr (nicely androgynous and a useful get-out clause from the expectation that adult women will announce their sexual status through their title), or 'Ms'. I've chosen to keep my own family name.

My preferred option would be not to use a title at all. I respect that other women can use the names and titles they see fit. But it's the term 'maiden name' I find truly, offensively repulsive. As for the PP whose colleague commented if you didnt take his name and dont like being called Mrs, why on earth did you marry him?, I've had this too. Coupled with 'well I respected my husband'. It doesn't make men any less married - or less 'respectful' spouses - no matter what they call themselves so it's very frustrating that the same doesn't seem to hold true for women.

On a feminist board this may sound a misogynistic observation. But IME, the people who police this issue most zealously are, overwhelmingly, other women.

On a feminist board this may sound a misogynistic observation. But IME, the people who police this issue most zealously are, overwhelmingly, other women.

Well men have no skin in the game, whereas the women policing it are having their own choices put under the spotlight so of course they defend their position. I don't think it's misogynistic, just a standard human thing to fight harder if it affects you.

EdgeOfACoin
I don't know any other specifically female-derived surnames.

Do the Nordic ones like Eriksdottir instead of Eriksson count?

The thing about Eriksdottir is that it still derives from the male name Erik. I am not sure if there are instances of, say, Ingrid passing on her name to her children as Ingridsson or Ingridsdottir.

Yes, in Iceland second names can be matronymic rather than patronymic. Heiðar Helguson is a footballer whose mother was called Helga. But in Iceland they don't have surnames exactly, just second names with one or other parent's name plus son or dottir; or in some cases they have both, with the mothersdottir/son coming before the fathersdottir/son.

Very independent-minded people, Icelanders, in spite of the governing efforts of the Norwegians and then the Danes, which the Icelanders seem mostly to have ignored just as they did the Danish naming conventions.

Their first female Prime Minister (the first openly lesbian world leader) was called Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir -- Sigurða is a woman's name.

@EyesOpening

I did see your previous comment TartrazineCustard but it does seem a bit strange to me, to start something that would be awkward to continue although obviously your children aren’t obliged to. No disrespect to what you chose to do, that’s your prerogative of course, it just gets me thinking. It does seems more of a common occurrence nowadays so other people might have a different thinking about where to go from there.

Because I regard the names as reflecting our marriage and joining of families, not as creating a dynasty. It's an entirely logical position to take (and makes life much easier for future family tree researchers). It's just not English.