Late transitioners, domestic abuse and trans widows

[TinselAngel]

A really important article by Dr Em.

I'm so pleased that the bravery of women who spoke out on MN has enabled the dots to start to be joined on this.

I cannot overstate how important this article is.

"What could be more coercive than repeatedly claiming your partner’s sense of reality, understanding of science and anatomy (that humans cannot change sex), was wrong?”

https://uncommongroundmedia.com/domestic-abuse-related-to-late-transitioning-partners-part-i-coercive-control/

Excellent article. Set out so clearly. My heart goes out to all the women impacted by this. Am in awe of Tinsel’s courage too.

Yes, it's pretty damn scary that so many women and children are being thrown into these situations and it's seriously affecting their mental health:( x

It was utterly brilliant. Well done!

@Cuntysnark

Excellent article. Set out so clearly. My heart goes out to all the women impacted by this. Am in awe of Tinsel’s courage too.

I didn't write it!

Tinsel I think you inspired it tho!

No, but you're undoubtedly one of the reasons the piece got written, Tinsel, which has taken you so much courage and effort and sheer persistence in the face of all the people who try to shut you up.

@ErrolTheDragon

No, but you're undoubtedly one of the reasons the piece got written, Tinsel, which has taken you so much courage and effort and sheer persistence in the face of all the people who try to shut you up.

My Dad used to say I always tried to get the last word...

Wow. I had a message deleted. Genuinely have no idea what I said that breached MN guidelines.

@dolphinpose

Wow. I had a message deleted. Genuinely have no idea what I said that breached MN guidelines.

Email MNHQ and they will tell you.

That's an excellent article, thank you Dr Em for writing it. And thank you Tinsel for starting the conversation that I couldn't. Its likely that this article wouldn't have been written if it wasn't for you.

I still can't talk about it in real life. I went from having a flat and a job to being a single parent on benefits in social housing and living hand to mouth. There are people who still think I'm a bitch for ending things. It hasn't fucking occurred to any of them that women don't just leave for no good reason, and then go on to have a complete nervous breakdown for no good reason.

If I have a criticism of this article it’s that far more care should have been taken over the wording. If the sort of damning testimonies presented there are to have the desired impact, then great care has to be taken, otherwise you run the risk of those who really need to see the evidence right before their eyes dismissing it out of hand by nit-picking over language. Play these people at their own game, anything else is a wasted opportunity as it allows them to ignore you.

I didn't notice anything particularly amiss with the wording.

I do not understand why, culturally, spouses are expected to stay in the marriage under these circumstances.

No-one would expect the heterosexual spouse of an individual to stay if their husband or wife came out as homosexual; likewise, no one would expect the spouse in a homosexual marriage to stay if their partner came out as heterosexual.

So why is it so different when it comes to late transitioning?

@Vermeil

If I have a criticism of this article it’s that far more care should have been taken over the wording. If the sort of damning testimonies presented there are to have the desired impact, then great care has to be taken, otherwise you run the risk of those who really need to see the evidence right before their eyes dismissing it out of hand by nit-picking over language. Play these people at their own game, anything else is a wasted opportunity as it allows them to ignore you.

What is wrong with the wording?

Great article. Glad to see it finally being written.

to all the trans widows. And great work TinselAngel in setting up the support thread and website.

Thank you for posting this article @TinselAngel. It is a difficult situation to be in to say the least and it is so very helpful to read articles like this and hear from others.

@Vermeil

If I have a criticism of this article it’s that far more care should have been taken over the wording. If the sort of damning testimonies presented there are to have the desired impact, then great care has to be taken, otherwise you run the risk of those who really need to see the evidence right before their eyes dismissing it out of hand by nit-picking over language. Play these people at their own game, anything else is a wasted opportunity as it allows them to ignore you.

What sort of nitpicking? I don't get that.

I would agree Vermeil that there's a game to be played to some degree with language, to avoid the the message being lost. However having read this I can only find 'male sexual thrill' that could be objected to (although the point of he article is that late transitioners over and over again show the same behaviours indicative of AGP) and nothing else that could be nitpicked. Seems a very reasoned and well-written piece. Great it's out there as many feminists and women generally feel these women are overlooked, silenced and heroically brave.

If anyone nitpicks the language in that rather than engaging with the content then that tells you something about them, doesn't it?

Totally. It's looking for a reason to negate, rubbish, silence...

@ErrolTheDragon

If anyone nitpicks the language in that rather than engaging with the content then that tells you something about them, doesn't it?

Absolutely.

@ErrolTheDragon

If anyone nitpicks the language in that rather than engaging with the content then that tells you something about them, doesn't it?

100%

Excellent article!

It's so horrifyingly Single, White Female.

Part 2 on trans widows and gaslighting hot off the press:

uncommongroundmedia.com/domestic-abuse-related-to-late-transitioning-partners-part-ii-gaslighting-patterns-of-behaviour/