attitudes towards low earning parents (specifically women)

[haggistramp]

This is about the general attitude towards low earning parents. I dont know if its because mn has a high percentage of high earners (who might not understand/empathise with low earners) or if there are just more misogynistic attitudes nowaday but have just came off a thread where a low earning parent has been called all manner of names, mostly freeloader and cuntlodger (which i really hate). Its like there is no understanding that its really hard for low earning women to manage to earn more, its just not a possibility unless they have the support and means to go to uni (not always feasible) or pick up a profitable skill (even more unlikely). No acknowledgement of the fact that she is doing most of the housework, like its just expected or an accepted fact. Did MN always have such a misogynist streak. I dont remember it ever being this bad.

Has that slur been reported? I was deleted you for calling a man a man and not pretending otherwise. They don't delete Cis with is offensive and an incorrectly used term.

And that slur is allowed! Oh deary me.

I think that its more about bashing poor people than misogyny if you look at the current thread in AIBU there's some very nasty benefits bashing on it, including a couple of posters saying that unless you can afford to be a single parent and not need any benefits then you shouldn't have any children as you could get divorced
Oh yes also after a year on benefits (even if you are in work or disabled) you should do slave labour

Yes, benefit bashing probably plays a part in it too, but realistically, what sex makes up the majority of single parents on benefits? Its women. So it seems unduly harsh on women and I think misogyny definitely plays a part.

I presume whoever used the slur thought it was an "oh so funny inversion" of the often used MN epithet for deadbeat men, "cocklodger."

However (in my experience) cocklodger is not used to refer to stay-at-home dads who actually do the bulk of the parenting, it's used of men who get themselves a cushy billet lounging around with their feet up doing sweet FA while the woman runs herself ragged earning an income, doing the housework and the childcare (which he doesn't deign to do any of).

I think I recognise this poster from the description: "a couple of posters saying that unless you can afford to be a single parent and not need any benefits then you shouldn't have any children as you could get divorced", and if it's the one I'm thinking of, well, to coin another MN phrase, I'd call her a cunt, but she lacks the warmth and depth.

Yes i think it is a poor attempt at inversion of cocklodger. But where it is used on men 'who get themselves a cushy billet lounging around with their feet up doing sweet FA while the woman runs herself ragged earning an income, doing the housework and the childcare (which he doesn't deign to do any of)', for women they could do all the housework, most of the childcare, and work nearly a full time job - women's only requirement to be accused of cuntlodging is the unfortunate crime of being in a low paid job. Hence the misogyny imo. Its just kinda sad to see that attitude on mn, despite its prevalence on the rest of the internet.

women's only requirement to be accused of cuntlodging is the unfortunate crime of being in a low paid job.

That was kind of what I was trying to say - obviously wasn't making myself very clear.

In my experience (as a low income divorced mum) its more that middle class people in general don’t (even try to) comprehend what it must be like living on a fraction of their income. My worksite is about 70% comfortably off and 30% low income, and the remakes they make! One asked me recently if I’d ever thought of buying a boat to while away the weekends 😳😂

Sorry, remarks they make, not remakes!

There's always been a certain type of woman who is particularly judgemental of other women who don't live up to their "high standards". I've had women doctors who've treated me like dirt for having an STD and a woman social worker without any concept of what it is like to be poor.

I think that its more about bashing poor people than misogyny

Yeah this. I think quite a large proportion of posters have no clue about real life for the bulk of the country.

I do think there is a lot of sexism but not usually in the way OP describes. Men who don't want to earn a fortune but want a better family life are called cocklodgers or deadbeats (yes even those who pull their weight) but it's considered perfectly reasonable for a woman to just look after the house and kids.

Relationship advice like not to accept men who are teachers or nurses because they clearly aren't ambitious or to look for an 'old fashioned gentleman'. Christ you still get loads of posters saying a man should always pay on dates.

Happily I think those who want very regressive gender roles are in a minority, but it's not a tiny one.

Don't forget that AIBU is regularly trolled by men's rights activists who tend to have right wing views on the topics including women's rights, and benefits.

It is. There is a lot of classicism in there too.

A lot of people have no idea how little many average jobs (ones that require degrees even) are actually really badly paid.

@Coyoacan MIL was at an appointment with someone who was reviewing her benefits to make sure she was claiming everything she was entitled to (not citizens advice but a local service) and the woman advised her to use her hidden savings from her knicker drawer. MIL replied that she barely had knickers in the drawer at the time hence making the appointment asking for help. She said the adviser seemed genuinely surprised that people could be poor and kept insisting that she must have some money lying about.