Surrogacy gone wrong - Parents split and left the mother pregnant with twins

[OhHolyJesus]

I'm pleased to see some news coverage of surrogacy arrangements that aren't all magical, representing the surrogate mother a simply generous woman. This is a very sad story, not fluffy at all.

Here a young Canadian woman inseminated herself so the twins were formed with her egg. The commissioning parents ceased making payments and didn't make contact. A private investigator was required to track down the biological father in order for the twins to be adopted.

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/12905371/pregnant-surrogate-twins-parents-pulled-out/

@EdgeOfACoin

I feel so sorry for the babies in this story. They were commissioned but rejected before they were born because the commissioning parents (which included the biological father) split up. The surrogate mother provided her own eggs, but didn't consider the babies 'hers'.

I am glad they are with loving adoptive parents now. The commodification of babies in this manner is reprehensible.

This was my primal response - utter heartbreak for these babies who were commissioned by three people who never loved them and never intended to love them. Awful awful awful.

I feel a visceral response to this article.

This is a total gossipy derail, but who the hell macs on their daughter's boyfriend?!?!

Someone I knew almost became a surrogate at one point. She was only 21 and had her own child who was only about 1 at the time. This was in America. She was only stopped at the last minute because she was diagnosed with BPD and they wouldn't let her continue. She was desperate for another baby, absolutely desperate. She was putting a lot of pressure on a very new bf to TTC with her and when he wouldn't she suddenly decided she wanted to be a surrogate. She was very open as well about wanting the money. I'm so glad she wasn't able to go through with it.

I also offered to be someone's surrogate once. I was very deeply traumatised by having had an abortion. I won't go into too much detail because it's still hard to think about, but I had a crippling sense of needing to atone. If I could have had myself arrested and punished for it, I would have. I also felt like there was missing person that I needed to bring into the world, like I'd upset the balance of the universe somehow and needed to fix it. It was a deeply fucked up time for me that ruined a good few years of my life. Thankfully the person I offered this too was well aware of my issues and not only declined my offer but helped me find a good therapist.

Just because some women in surrogacy aren't doing it for the money, doesn't mean its altruistic.

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings I am so sorry you went through that. I'm glad you got help.

So Canada has a lower limit of 21 years old for IVF surrogacy?
The Law commission here is suggesting 18 as the minimum age to be a surrogate for the UK, based on fact intended parents can have ivf at 18.

I had a crippling sense of needing to atone

That's a brave thing to say Hammer and abortions are a common thread found in surrogate mother's experiences when you really dig down into it. Of course no or ever really does. There are counselling sessions pre-implantation/insemination but they are a 'light touch' and I always think of them as an assessment as to whether the mother will relinquish her parental rights rather than actually looking into her reasons for doing it and her mental health.

ByGrabtharsHammer I’m so sorry that you had such a difficult time.

@Delphinium20

The family dynamic with the Drewitt Barlows is unusual to say the least. I logged some of their history here:

The Drewit-Barlows www.mumsnet.com/Talk/surrogacy/3814566-the-drewit-barlows

I wouldn't ask them to organise a baby shower let alone invite them to consult on surrogacy laws changing, but I'm not the Law Commission.

Not just you cara

Shes was very young first time round ajd whereas that absolutely is not a deciding factor on how good a mum you are/can be, its very hard on adults to slot back into their lives after a baby, it must be even harder at 17 where you would be miles apart from what your friends are doing and have little life experience to fall back on.i wonder how much it becomes all you have ever known when so young so easier to keep going than try and slot back into life with your friends etc

Something not right here really, she's too eager to please at her own expense..

[quote OhHolyJesus]@Delphinium20

The family dynamic with the Drewitt Barlows is unusual to say the least. I logged some of their history here:

The Drewit-Barlows www.mumsnet.com/Talk/surrogacy/3814566-the-drewit-barlows

I wouldn't ask them to organise a baby shower let alone invite them to consult on surrogacy laws changing, but I'm not the Law Commission. [/quote]
Wonder what their therapists think. I could never forgive a parent who took up with my ex partner. No healthy boundaries and makes me wonder how much the dad respects his daughter.

Barry/Barrie (depending on what country he is in perhaps) does appear to focus quite a lot on his daughter and her appearance on his Instagram account. The sons feature too but not nearly as much and she is of course his princess etc, however could be slightly usurped since Valentina's arrival, or maybe she will become the mother figure for her, being the only woman in the family, to explain periods etc.

She may be no different from other young women, fixating on her appearance and fashion etc but I do worry that if this is all she has as a focus in her life, doesn't know her birth mother or egg donor, so no other roots and has a desire to have a family via surrogacy herself (because pregnancy is icky) then she is without a certain 'balance'. She has grandmothers in the U.K. so I hope her and Valentina have some strong female influences alongside her fathers who see women (and babies) as commodities.