Children identifying to feel special

[Z0rr0]

New article on Uncancelled.
www.uncancelled.co.uk/tie-world/cancel-culture/not-every-child-can-be-special/

It's an interesting read.

It's not a popular view I'm sure, but I can't help think there are definitely a number of cases where children (and adults) find "specialness" through gender identity.

My own observations of some fairly prominent trans activists (naming no names) would suggest this is particularly true of people choosing to be either non binary or trans but in terms of the latter making no attempt to transition beyond names, pronouns and clothing.

In short claiming the identity without having any skin in the game.

Yet it still provides a platform to be "noticed" and "supported" (especially "lauded") on social media and in some cases provides access to opportunities they would not otherwise had been considered for (or indeed had the prior experience/qualities/sex).

Yup.
Arguably, they help make it cool and fashionable for the kids who are a little goofy, a little nerdy, awkward and traditionally lower in the social pecking order, to join a new and special community.

It would be interesting to know how many of the 'ROGD' epidemic fit that description - or that other group liable to be derided rather than celebrated by their peers, lesbian girls. I can't say I blame them too much if they adopt the trendier labels of 'queer' , 'pan' or whatever, or 'nonbinary' which at least may avoid the path to medicalisation and mutilation.

That reminds me of the Gires penguins where the little penguin realises he is a girl penguin (or vice versa) and they all celebrate and have a big cake.

@ErrolTheDragon I think in my daughter's group of LGBT girls it is a social grouping at school rather than genuine dysphoria. Definitely the kind Keira's case would help prevent making some serious mistakes. Some of them might end up being gay, but it's much more about their tribe at school than anything else I think.

I think a lot of kids and adults are under social pressure to adopt a #label for themselves. Identity politics really makes people feel they have to pick a team and then social media really takes what could be important political thinking and turns it into crap shorthand, effectively just personal branding

Personal branding is spot on. Ugh. How did we get here?

We used to just be emo.

Z0rr0

Some of them might end up being gay, but it's much more about their tribe at school than anything else I think.

this

This is what I have been saying too. My daughter’s group of 7, all are lesbian or bi, quite young teens, 1 is a transboy and 2 declared themselves NB this year.

There conversations revolve around being ‘the gays’ (their label, definitely not mine!!) and very little else. It seems they feel so much pressure to fit into a ‘label’. We have tried so hard to help our daughter to understand that labels can be limiting, but as she gets older the pull of the label is so strong.

What you say here definitely resonnates with me.

And I saw a thread from a young woman yesterday who admitted that fitting into a label was so important to her. I don’t think she put together how much her professed beliefs were quite different to her actual beliefs once you scratched the surface. But she had to ‘fit’ the labels she wanted to aspire to attribute to herself.

...there’s a generation of confused kids calling themselves trans and non-binary and it’s not because they’re struggling with their gender identity, it’s because they’re struggling with their social identity and are desperate for attention.

This is so patently obvious that I am dumbfounded that secondary schools, who should be the world experts in recognising teenage pattern behaviours, have allowed themselves to be led down the gender affirmation path.

DS (Y8) rolls his eyes at the the gender identify bullshit which had already started at the beginning of Y7. In his own words, he sees it as being "attention seeking". Of course, that need for affirmation may be driven by very real and sometimes distressing challenges (GNC, autism, bullying, abuse), but it doesn't change the reality that these are NOT children who are suffering with "being trapped in the wrong body".

I recently heard a deaf teenager giving a talk about their experience of disability. The number of times they said "my deaf identity".... I was baffled as to when this became a thing, never mind such a major preoccupation. As above: huge pressure to find a label.

And the utter numpty I saw happily tweet back to someone distressed about possibly losing any sexual feeling due to medication they were considering, "so you'll be asexual - it's just another identity!!!!!!" (Happy face happy face happy face)

What the hell have we let happen to this generation?

@MichelleofzeResistance

I recently heard a deaf teenager giving a talk about their experience of disability. The number of times they said "my deaf identity".... I was baffled as to when this became a thing, never mind such a major preoccupation. As above: huge pressure to find a label.

And the utter numpty I saw happily tweet back to someone distressed about possibly losing any sexual feeling due to medication they were considering, "so you'll be asexual - it's just another identity!!!!!!" (Happy face happy face happy face)

What the hell have we let happen to this generation?

Jeezus, the lack of awareness of what they're saying is staggering.

I finally read the GQ interview with Michaela Coel by Donald Glover and he said something interesting:

There is security to being identified. “I’m a straight white male” or “I’m a gay Asian dancer” – you can find community easily and safely. Instead of being like, “Man, I really don’t know...” Most of my college years were me being like, “I don’t know what I like.” I had friends who asked, “Are you gay?” And I’d be like, “I sort of feel like I am because I love this community.” You know? But maybe I’m not? And I always was trying to figure out “Am I weird for not wanting to label it?”

He has kids now so I'm guessing not gay in the end.

Having an identity and more crucially having it 'validated' by society seems to be so important to young people.

I wonder if it stems from the 'everyones a winner' ideology that was prevalent in the late nineties early 2000's where children were made to feel super special all of the time and this has spilt over into young adulthood, the need to special and unique?

Matt Lucas's " But, but I'm the only gay in the village!" was well observed it seems.

It's very clear to me that many people feel safer when they can apply clear labels (so-called "identities") to others and to themselves. Belonging to a specific group is very important to them: it feels like their essence (and they would feel lost without it).
Most people would rather belong to a mainstream group (safety in numbers...), but some have to come terms with the fact that they belong to a minority group, because their inner characteristics just don't fit. It can be both a source of grief, and a source of pride (about being gay, or black, etc.)

It's also very clear to me that some (rarer) truly free-thinking individuals see labels as prisons, and avoid them like the plague (... seriously, what could be worse than living your life following a ready made template?).
These free-thinkers are aware of people's different characteristics, but don't believe these characteristics define who you are (they shape your lived experienced, for sure, but they are not you: "you" is the choices you make, not the cards that you were dealt by fate)

Then there's fake rebels, who feel too "special" (narcissistic...?) to be part of a mainstream group, but are really too conformist to be true free-thinkers, so end up zealously embracing the orthodoxy of a minority group instead.
They are big on pride, and loud about grief... even when they don't actually possess any of the characteristics usually associated with membership to this particular minority group.
A classic example would be people who invent themselves black ancestors.
But I'm sure we can think of other examples...

@Pumpkinsarepurple That's one of the things the article suggests.

Not as simple as spoiled children wanting to be special.

I talked to a friend of my ROGD son recently - she has lost most of her friends for standing outside the zeitgeist - she helped me understand the extreme social pressure operating on kids atm via social media.

It's nothing like we (born in the 20th C) experienced as teens. It's relentless and extreme.

Some kids are more vulnerable to it than others. Bad parenting? Maybe. I don't know why my son is susceptible. It's not because he's a spoiled shit looking to feel special though.

@Kaiserin I wonder if this need to belong and feel part of something has grown as a result of being more connected online but less physically connected in our relationships, being part of a shrinking world whilst also being geographically isolated (like not knowing neighbours etc)? People find their tribe instead. The lack of risk exposure in childhood feeding a lack of confidence in oneself and self belief to exist as an individual?

@BlackWaveComing I don't think the article is saying kids are spoiled, just that parents have over protected them and over praised them, taught them that they need to feel special or they don't count.

[quote Z0rr0]@BlackWaveComing I don't think the article is saying kids are spoiled, just that parents have over protected them and over praised them, taught them that they need to feel special or they don't count.[/quote]
Yeah, so Mum's fault. Tedious to see feminists embracing the trope.

Fwiw, the above doesn't describe me. My kid is not some special, cossetted m/c child never allowed to fail. And yet he's classic ROGD.

Sadly I know a child who I believe this is true for. Born male and low in confidence, bullied at school, always seeking attention and telling rediculous lies to get the attention. One example he told his Mum he had witnessed an armed robbery in shop on way home from school. Mum fussed over him and then checked his story but a pack of lies to gain attention. Once the story telling stopped getting him attention he said he wanted to be famale,. More attention from Mum, school and CAMHS. Then went through adolescence and fancied girls. Then claimed to be lesbian too. The more labels child got the happier became. Now so many children in his school claim to have gender identity issues he got angry as no longer feels special. Now claiming wants to be male again. Can't help thinking he probably thinks he will get more attention and girlfriend too.

Yeah, so Mum's fault. Tedious to see feminists embracing the trope.

That poster, and the article , said 'parents' not 'mums'. It also seemed to implicate teachers, social media.... there are obviously many factors. And I'm sure that there are kids to whom none of those seem to apply.

@ErrolTheDragon

Yeah, so Mum's fault. Tedious to see feminists embracing the trope.

That poster, and the article , said 'parents' not 'mums'. It also seemed to implicate teachers, social media.... there are obviously many factors. And I'm sure that there are kids to whom none of those seem to apply.

Cone on, we all know who does the bulk of the parenting.

And if it comes to that, we all know the teaching workforce is a majority female group, especially at classroom level.

Ppl shouldn't be calling themselves feminist and blaming - however obliquely and this isn't - women for a problem that stems elsewhere, and they shouldn't be calling themselves compassionate towards ROGD youth and in the same breath, invoking the trope used to dismiss anorexia, 'attention seeking'.

Jeez, know your feminist psychiatric history, people.

@ChattyLion

I think a lot of kids and adults are under social pressure to adopt a #label for themselves. Identity politics really makes people feel they have to pick a team and then social media really takes what could be important political thinking and turns it into crap shorthand, effectively just personal branding

Absolutely. If you don't have a label in that game, you have no vector for political representations of your interests.