First post... be kind

[OverTheRainbow88]

Why do you think that on MN when there is a gender disappointment thread it’s 99% about having boys?

NAMALT

I wasn’t sure what this was so had a google.

Interesting list but no only children?

I read a thread on here yesterday about mixed sex toilets and it got me thinking, wouldn’t people maybe want boys if there’s less risk to them being sexual abused, discriminated against etc?

It's funny you say that as actually when I found out I was having a girl, I did have gender disappointment, and some of it was because I had just been enlightened about GC issues and felt a bit despondent. Also because I have always been a total tomboy and expected I would get on better with a boy.

However, I didn't post about it because in 5 minutes I could also rationalise that such gender disappointment is ridiculous, and that my baby is a person, whose personality and interests are not determined by her genitalia or XX chromosomes. There will be societal stereotypes and barriers she will have to overcome, and I will spend the rest of my life helping her to break through those (as my mother did for me).

Speaking of which, I have known quite a few only children in my life and strangely nearly all of them were men.

Coincidence?

@CopsCantCatchCriminals

Why do you think that is?

I found this interesting. I wanted a boy when pregnant with my first, I have no idea why. I got a girl.

Then I thought she was so wonderful that I was hoping for a second girl when I was pregnant with my second. I got a boy.

After that I realised that it didn’t matter if I had a boy or a girl. I would love and bond with them equally.

But great point about living a country where sex matters less than in other places.

Surprised. I thought most people would prefer a boy, I’ve heard stereotypical things like “boys are much easier” etc.

I would prefer a boy for irrational reasons related to my own upbringing but I know I won’t actually care when I meet the baby.

Whilst I suspect most parents don't care some will have a preference for a child the same sex as them. As this is a predominately female board that's what you'll see on MN.

All those fathers with a preference for boys won't be posting here...

I've done a non-scientific, non-thorough experiment by advanced searching 'gender disappointment' (and ignoring the ones whinging about the term itself)

My tally is.

Second child, hoping for one of each, has 2 boys.
Second child, husband hoping for girl, has 2 boys
Third Child, has 2 girls, hoping for boy
Second child, having a second boy, she doesn't mind, everyone else commenting about pity it's not a girl
First child, terrified of disappointment, doesn't say what she wants
3 boys, disappointed there's not a girl.

So I'd say that it's less a preference for girls, and more a disappointment if you don't get at least one of each.

Perhaps you have some unconscious bias going on? Like how people think women are talking too much once they go over 30% of the conversation.

Perhaps it's due to an understanding that MMALT?

😂

@CopsCantCatchCriminals

Speaking of which, I have known quite a few only children in my life and strangely nearly all of them were men.

Coincidence?

Maybe not, but if there was a difference it would be interesting to see if that's changed over time. In the past of course it was very important for anyone with property to have a male heir.

Just had a google myself and the first 7/8 of posters were disappointed with a boy.

I might be being over-sensitive but some previous posts seem a bit kneejerk anti-boy to me. Mother of two sons myself and they're both lovely human beings - i would say that obviously but they're both kind people, and my youngest is really unusually empathetic and emotionally intelligent and interested in equality issues and the experiences of the girls he knows. Both have lots of women/girl friends (they're older teens).

I'm in the position an earlier poster said she wouldn't want to be in: I've got two sons, a male partner, a male ex and my dad (and a male dog) in my closest family circle. No close women relatives at all. I'm surrounded by thoughtful, loving, insightful people. There's absolutely no good reason that boys and men cannot be like this.

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@CopsCantCatchCriminals

Why do you think that is?[/quote]

I take it to mean that these parents got what they wanted. No need to try again. I have two sisters who both had boys and who both said (about having another child) "never again"! But I got the impression from them both that if they'd had girl children they might've had another. It's just a feeling. I can't prove it.

Where would one find stats on the sex of "only" children? I know that my experience is merely anecdotal but I've often wondered if there is a bias.

Good point, errol.

Just had a google myself and the first 7/8 of posters were disappointed with a boy.

BUT disappointed with a boy as the first, or disappointed as a boy when they already have one?

Because it does make a difference.

I didn't care which sex my first was. I did have a vague hankering that the second would be a girl, so I had one of each - but only vague, my boys are so different to each other anyway.

And all i see are dissapointments when the babie are girls.

And there a lot of women here who really don’t like girls/women.

And think that unborn baby girls are gonna be bitchy, catty, mean, pink-loving, princesses etc.
And everything girly is less-than and bad.

Boys and men are put on a pedastal.
It’s really sad how this attitude doesn’t seem to end.

some previous posts seem a bit kneejerk anti-boy to me

I have two boys myself. Stats still say that men commit most violence, as a feminist trying to counteract society's influence on my children is hard work - I can absolutely understand why someone would find it easier to raise a girl

Thank you, all very interesting, I appreciate the time taken to answer.

Absolutely it's true that boys/men commit almost all sexual and violent offences and that it's a particular duty on parents of boys to do everything we can do ensure our boys don't take that path.

I do see my friends who have girls, and the parents of my boys' girlfriends and women friends, and see how much entirely rational worry and anxiety they have about their girls' safety at a really granular level. I can't imagine that's much fun and it's just not something I have to do. My biggest worry in terms of my boys' personal safety is that they might blunder into a drunk/vicious man and get beaten up, which is still crappy obviously but not such a lifelong worry as the threat of sexual violence.

Well I was recently reading some interesting information about the science behind the idea that girl's mature a lot faster than boys. Whether or not you subscribe to the explanations or not, it's still a well known concept. Obviously there will always be exceptions and you often get people who expect girls to be catty/bossy/stubborn etc, but I would hazard a guess that a lot of people who experience gender disappointment with a boy do so because they perceive little boys to be harder work than girls, whether because of the stereotype or because of their own experience. That is certainly in line with my experience with young boys, and people's opinions are coloured by their experiences.

I found some stats on the ratio of sexes at birth. There is a slight excess of boys, which is in the 'biologically normal' range. so, no evidence there of a preference either way. (The study was looking for evidence of selective abortions)

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachmentdata/file/837965/SexxratiosattbirthinnGB_2013-17.pdf

Coincidence?

Yes, I would say so. Probably just your experience. I can think of loads of only girls.

Anyway, in the wider world, and our history, surely the disappointment has always been with having a girl?
In some parts of the world, a girl is seen as a burden that costs money, hence selective abortion and infanticide of girls.
If - if - there is an imbalance on MN, I don't think it represents the wider world.

I was slightly relieved to have boys because they would have a much lower chance of being subjected to the same crap I've experienced. But then I realised it is my responsibility to make sure they don't grow into boys /men who do those kind of things to girls /women.