Do most men see women as potential victims? Horrible recent experience has really messed me up.

[Loryn]

Trigger warning mentions conversations about rape.
I wrote about this in relationships.
At the time I was feeling ashamed of myself and sad.
Now I'm furious. Im so angry at him and myself.
This has affected me so badly, which makes me feel weak, I think thats what im angry with myself about.
Im wondering if most men are like this deep down and this one just let it out after quite a while.
Do all men see us like this on a base level?
Its true in a way isnt it?
I am a potential rape victim.
We all are, if we come across a potential rapist.
So if we know that, deep down, walking around, do men know that too and think about it?

Apologies if this is doesnt make much sense, I cant talk about this in real life.

"Staying at a hotel with a man that ive been seeing, we were drinking, all going well until the conversation took a turn.
Cant remember all the ins and outs or how we even go onto it but I said I didnt think rape jokes are funny, ever.
I think he was defending from a freedom of speech position, maybe fine but not really the time or the place but we had been drinking and we both do usually enjoy having a debate.
Then he called me a potential rape victim.
I got up to get away from him and he said what about men, men get raped too.
I stayed in the bathroom for a while, crying and wondering what to do.
My car was parked in the carpark and I couldnt drive home.
I came out and he apologised.
I asked him if he or his brother or best friend have been raped and maybe thats the difference why he can think its funny and I cant.
I think he thought I was disclosing to him that it had happened to me, which I feel guilty about as if ive lied to make a point, I've not been raped but other more nuanced things have happened that I won't go into details of now and certainly was not about to share with him there and then.
He said sorry I didn't know, I just said you dont need to know.
Im ashamed that I stayed there and pretended that everything was normal in the morning.
I should have got an uber and left him there.
We haven't really spoken since, I dont want a confrontation about it but I cant stop thinking about it and wondering what the hell is wrong with him and also me.
Obviously I wont be seeing him again."

We've known each other for about 3 years.
Thinking about it there have been red flags over the years, nothing as bad as this before.
I should have listened to my instincts more.
Guess I just need to learn from it.
Im trying not to waste my energy wondering why he is like this.
Not my problem any more.
Ive blocked him so time to forgive myself and move on.
Thank you for all the thoughtful replies.

I imagine a man at some point realises that it's too easy for him to overpower or sedate and rape a woman.. much like how it's too easy to kill someone particularly smaller or more vulnerable, disabled or frail. A disturbed sick person would be sparked up by that idea and might pursue it but a normal, empathic person would quickly repel that awful thought as inflicting that pain on someone is unacceptable and they are horrified by that realisation as even if they could they wouldnt because it's mentally too painful and reprehensible to live as a rapist and to inflict rape and it's consequences on the victim. For some they may dismiss that thought because they fear imprisonment/punishment, reputational damage and so on and not because they cant live with causing that pain on another person.

I really do think there is a moment when you realise how easy it all is. How fragile life is, how easy it is yo cheat, break in, suicide, stab someone. It can all escalate quickly.

It's why and whether you stop/don't act is what makes you officially cross over from 'being good or bad'. We all have dark thoughts.

Also some men (and women) have different definitions for rape or degrees of it so they may consciously say i could never but they may actually already have raped... coerced into sex, woman felt pressured but said nothing, marital rape, drunk sex putting it down to we both had too much... etc.

Can only speak for the close men in my life who would strongly disapprove of thinking of a woman like this