Inadvertent prejudice

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This isn't strictly a feminist issue, but I'm posting here for advice because FWR posters tend to be clear-headed thinkers who unpick issues, analyse them and offer excellent advice on how to deal with them. And are very aware of issues of prejudice!

The feminist aspect is that it concerns my dd and her relationship (strictly appropriate!) with a male teacher.

We are Jewish. Dd is in Y13, studying Eng Lit, German language and History. Naturally, from time to time these subjects touch on Judaism and anti-Semitism. This is never an issue in her German classes or her History classes, but is beginning to make her very uncomfortable in one of her English classes.

This particular teacher is so keen not to be prejudiced that he is overdoing it and making dd feel very uncomfortable. She feels that he is defining her - pigeonholing her - by her Judaism and expecting her always to point out any anti-Semitism in any text, and to lead any discussions on it. That she has to give permission for anti-Semitism to be discussed in class.

Dd is a shy, softly-spoken young woman, the sort who always does her best in class and treats her teachers with utmost respect. She has tried to talk directly to the teacher, once openly as part of a class discussion, and today one-to-one (with a friend of hers present) after class. She feels he gets defensive and she cannot get her point across to him.

Any suggestions how I can advise her and support her? I've already suggested several people she could speak to at the synagogue and at her school - all, as it happens, men. I wish I could find her a female mentor.

Not a lot I can say to help, but I think I sort of know where you're coming from: oddly I was talking to a Black friend from work today, who was saying the head of HR in our place made her feel like an exhibit in a special workplace exhibition on "look how diverse we are." I've also had "aha, you're the token woman on the staff, you can do the diversity awareness stuff for us" in a previous job.

It's shit.

Tricky. This needs an assertive approach - but it sounds as if he's not listening.
Essentially she needs to tell him that she doesn't want to be used as the" token Jew" in discussions. The teacher in me recognises an earnest type of teacher over anxious to 'empower' students but lacking the maturity and political understanding to appreciate that you don't make people from specific groups represent / explain / police discussions / issues.

Essentially he needs to be told in an assertive manner "I'd prefer that you don't actively involve me in discussions about anti semitism. If I want to comment I will but I do not wish to be at the centre of discussions. Thank you".

If she's already tried and he's not getting it is there a senior person she could approach for advice and let them give him the message?

Neither you nor your daughter can know yet whether today's talk has worked, surely? If he's as over-sensitive as it sounds, even if she thinks she didn't get through in that one-to-one discussion, I'm sure he'll be thinking about it over the weekend.

I just hope it hasn't made him worse - he might end up like Basil Fawlty trying not to mention the war...

If I want to comment I will but I do not wish to be at the centre of discussions. Thank you".

This is essentially what she has said to him, though today she says she struggled to express herself clearly.

Neither you nor your daughter can know yet whether today's talk has worked, surely?

A good point.

I do understand why a person who isn’t Jewish might not want to position himself as an authority on anti-Semitism when he’s in the same room as someone who is Jewish.

However, he’s a teacher and she’s a pupil. It’s not fair to expect someone who is (visibly or not) from a minority group to be a representative or spokesperson for their community.

These topics are uncomfortable. They should be uncomfortable. The teacher shouldn’t alleviate his discomfort by deferring to a pupil. If he gets something wrong, it can be pointed out, either at the time or later. All teachers get stuff wrong and have to address it.

I hope he has got the message, but if not maybe your daughter can say quite bluntly: “I’m 17 and I’m not comfortable being the representative of all Jews when I’m in your classroom. Please stop asking me to do this.” Or something like that. I know it’s hard to be blunt though.

The feminist angle, or course, is that she’s thinking about his feelings, expressed through his defensiveness. But he’s an adult and an experienced teacher. The onus is on him to change his approach. If he feels defensive or uncomfortable, so what? That’s for him to deal with, not your teenage daughter.

Could she write it down in a note to him? It gives her time to crystallise her thoughts and hopefully gives him a bit of space to reflect (he might not be very good at that in the moment of conversation).

I rather like the 'I'm 17...' suggestion above

But she (or you) could point out to the teacher that frequent references to her Judaism Is having the effect of 'othering' her and that he wishes to be anti-Semitic he should allow her to contribute to the discussion at a time and way she is comfortable and respect her viewpoint when she does so.

My female socialisation had me add 'whilst well intentioned' into the above suggestion to soften what is said, then I realised I was adding that just to soothe his damaged male ego from a teen girl (appropriately) calling him out

My female socialisation had me add 'whilst well intentioned' into the above suggestion to soften what is said, then I realised I was adding that just to soothe his damaged male ego from a teen girl (appropriately) calling him out

I think this is definitely an issue and adds another level of complexity. I am hugely proud of dd for having twice stood up for herself . But I think she has reached the limit of what she can deal with alone.

Sounds like overcompensation. I don't have children and don't know what's appropriate for parents to do our not do but want to speak to him and let him know that singling her out for what he perceives as her differences and highlighting them, even if for what he perceives as positive reasons, is 'othering' her and that's another way of persecuting people.

I'd have a word with the school. From the way you write, I'm sure you'd be able to put it in a polite and conciliatory way. But you can't have a situation where a teacher's making a girl feel uncomfortable because of her race, even if he doesn't mean to.