Convicted sex offender stages play about overcoming depression

[MillyMollyFarmer]

In news that will surprise nobody here, a male actor in NZ who admitted offences against 6 women who took his acting classes, is staging a play in Auckland about overcoming depression and suicidal thoughts following his horrible experience losing friends and family, everything apparently, last year. He was triggered by a fellow actor committing suicide after a domestic assault conviction.

Once again men who commit horrible acts against women are trying to change the narrative and make it about their mental health. Despite women also suffering from mental health struggles and suicidal thoughts, we don’t beat and assault men in the same huge numbers. This man has no thought for how the victims of his crimes will feel about this play or how they might be impacted. Violence against women in NZ is so high because it’s almost normalised, every excuse is given and accepted and we don’t seem to be getting any better. NZ has the highest rate of domestic violence in the developed world and the recent unicef report on child wellbeing rates NZ as one of the worst places to grow up. It’s horrific. The focus must be on accepting responsibility and not making excuses every time a violent or sexual offence takes place.

www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=12362213

Maybe something about the mental health of his victims would be more... thoughtful and impactful?

So it's women's fault his mate committed suicide ?
FFS

So it's women's fault his mate committed suicide ?

That’s the implication that really fucking bothers me. That they’re still twisting the story to lay blame once again at women’s feet. It’s always our fault. My father does that too. My brother does. It’s so enraging.

The other part of this I hate is that mental illness is so closely associated with violence and lack of control because of the behaviour of men. If it was mental illness that caused these things, why aren’t women perpetrators in the same numbers? We suffer more anxiety and depression than men and we attempt suicide at higher rates. Yet we aren’t the violent or sexually abusive ones.

Because no one makes excuses for women, including women.

If you go and look at the threads on Relationships and find one of the awful ones that go along the lines of 'I think he's broken my nose/he tried to strangle me, I'm locked in the bathroom with the kids, wtf do I do' sure as fate among the helpful, sane posts you'll find a couple of women saying is he stressed poor lamb, what did you do, why don't you go and give him a big cuddle and make it up. Because we're fucking trained to be enablers.

Note too the rage in many male quarters when we refuse to enable.

MichelleofzeResistance Yes absolutely. Women are conditioned to prioritise others as well, so our pain is ours. This article shouldn’t surprise me because that’s what it’s been like my whole life, the whole country making excuses for sportsmen who hit or abuse, and so this guy jumps on that train because he’s been conditioned into giving himself an excuse for his entitled creepy behaviour. They all have.

I'm sorry to read this but not surprised. I'm from NZ But don't live there anymore.

NZ is incredibly woke these days, and yet very little has improved for women & children over the years. In fact with govt endorsed prostitution it has got much worse since I left.

Looking in its like there is now a woke veil over the top of the macho aggressive violent culture and most women don't see it at all. I find it incredibly depressing. Many people ask why I don't live in nz. They look very puzzled when I tell them why.

For all it's got going for it, I think NZ is the sharp end example of a neo liberal hell hole, dressed up real pretty and "green" (it's not) to confuse everyone.

he quickly joined a church and got baptised when he was charged.

What about his victims' mental health? I can't imagine it was easy for them.

Every time offenders are caught they blame their mental health. Every single time.

Been loosely professionally involved in this case recently. Funny how they never seek help for their terrible mental health problems before they get busted

https://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/18657706.pervert-threatened-rape-new-mums-molest-babies-sick-facebook-threats/

For all it's got going for it, I think NZ is the sharp end example of a neo liberal hell hole, dressed up real pretty and "green" (it's not) to confuse everyone

Oh I so agree with you! I don’t live there either, I’m in uk, but I’m Māori and I just can’t deal with the awfulness of the place. We top all the worst stats in the world, its horrific for women and indigenous people... it’s a pretend woke, a total farce.

What about his victims' mental health?

Exactly. What about the women and children in NZ who are victims of sexual violence and domestic violence, the priority is always the perpetrator. Same with rugby players who hit women, rarely convicted, don’t miss a game or lose a contract.... victims watch these guys get idolised. How awful it must be for them.

JudyGemstone That case is horrible. The judge is annoying! He can have therapy behind bars! It’s such an easy out isn’t it

feel l need to stick up about NZ now. yes we have problems but we also have an amazing country look at what happened on Christ church last year.

nzborn
Go and start your own praise NZ thread. Do NOT come on to a thread about sexual and domestic violence and do that. NZ has an appalling track record of letting men get away with it and needs to be held accountable. This is not the time or place to defend it while women discuss it.
Don’t even think about holding up the Christchurch response to me, tangata whenua, when our genocide has been slow and painful and nobody gives a shit. NO. Go praise NZ somewhere else.

Nzborn that's a perfect example of the huge problems nz has.

It's impossible to discuss huge social issues without someone doing whaboutery and using whaboutery to shut amy criticism or dissent down.

As if the PM donning a headscarf, or the beautiful scenery, or the obsession with the perfect home renovation, is enough, everyone must celebrate, and not talk about real life nitty gritty. she'll be right, and all is so prevalent and dominant.

Nz has had huge DV issues for many decades. Maori women have had poorest health outcomes for many decades. Maori men have disproportionately made up prison population for many decades. And now while nz absolutely celebrates Maori culture a lot more than it did in 70's/80's to what end? I can't help but feel much of it is to make kiwis feel better, to promote nz to the rest of the world, but as op says things haven't changed at all. It's all a veneer.

I can't help but feel there is something in the water in nz (not just fluoride). Nz has so many strong and powerful women. And despite all the female PM's, govornor generals, political leaders, they continue to prioritise men and macho culture, and very little has happened to improve things for women. Decriminalisation of prostitution is celebrated as a huge win for women - my god!!!! Wake up.

Nothing has changed re DV. Nothing.

It's refreshing to hear the ops voice on these subjects. When I try and discuss any issues with family and friends in nz most of them blink blankly and have nothing to stay.

I also think these free trade deals nz has entered into in recent years has further fuel rampant consumerism (more so than elsewhere) and most people are so distracted by what they need to buy next. Tragically it's become a very shallow society.

But the population feel sad when a gunmen commits mass murder, so it's unfair to talk about these issues? Get a grip.

Gee that's a bit of a rant for a Sunday morning!

TheClitterati Thank you, everything you said is right. I talk about it with my whanau a lot, and a few very on-to-it female friends, who also feel powerless. I strongly feel NZ has a very deep and serious cultural problem and it’s hard to see a way out. It’s far worse than the UK. You can’t even mention certain issues, especially male violence. Anything the PM says or does on women’s rights was for me totally overshadowed by the fact she does things like celebrate with the All blacks when there’s a violent offender, not kiwi, who escaped conviction months earlier, when she apologised for a foreign born woman being murdered months after a young special needs Māori girl was horrifically murdered by a trans woman and male accomplice which she said nothing about.... it goes on and on. Jacinda is a symbol for me, of the facade of NZ, of the lies and the betrayals. Of the utter hypocrisy of my country, which I love. My people spilt blood for freedom and they did that so I could speak freely and honestly. I refuse to accept these lies anymore.

NZ is a hellhole for women. Speak the truth.

NZ is a hellhole for women. Speak the truth.

absolutely.

Not great for children either. www.stuff.co.nz/national/health/300096203/new-zealand-continues-to-fail-children-unicef-report-shows

Your rage leaps off the screen OP. I know nothing about NZ but had a vague idea that things are done better there. I'm wearily disappointed to hear that this isn't true.

Re that Swindon 'thing', The 21-year-old was spared an immediate spell behind bars - for fuck's sake why?

Milly. 💐💐

Your pain at your country 💐

It's pretty gross how this guy is framing this whole narrative as a 'male mental health' issue, which he knows will get a lot of sympathy. I know a man who is awaiting trial for secretly filming hundreds of women and girls and putting the videos online. According to the court reports he feels completely depressed, suicidal, deeply ashamed. And yet he is also indignant he got caught and hasn't expressed any remorse. I notice the guy in this article has framed his play as promoting an 'anti-suicide' message: "if we can just stop one person from being suicidal like I was it will be worth it." It strikes me that men like this don't really take responsibility for their actions - they frame it like a horrible, unfortunate event that has just happened to them. Well...maybe they wouldn't be feeling so shitty if they didn't commit crimes against women?

To be honest, I'm deeply sceptical of abusive men who invoke suicide. It just strikes me as another abuse tactic.

@StrangeLookingParasite

Re that Swindon 'thing', The 21-year-old was spared an immediate spell behind bars - for fuck's sake why?

It's almost unheard of for anyone to get a custodial for a first 'non contact' sexual offence eg downloading images of CSA.

I think it's just so common prisons don't have space for it.

littlbrowndog thank you

Violence against women in NZ is so high because it’s almost normalised, every excuse is given and accepted and we don’t seem to be getting any better

People in the northern hemisphere think that the Antipodes are a paradise. Well, they're not for women (30 years in Australia speaking ...). I've not lived in Australia for over 20 years, but I still have to remember here (back home in the UK) that men can actually e reasonable human beings. Occasionally.

Well might people ask why some of the toughest feminists (Germaine Greer, Carmen Calil, Julia Gillard, or Jacinda Adern) are from the Antipodes ... well. Julia Gillard was born in Wales, but grew up in Australia - and to be an Australian MP you have to renounce any benefits from other citizenships (Australians don't like dual nationalities - you have to be Australian or else).

Very aggressive, head-kicking cultures.