Vaginismus support groups works for "people" with the condition

[stumbledin]

Vaginismus is a condition that is generally thought to affect every 2 in 1,000 people. However, it's hard to know for sure because many people are too ashamed or scared to seek treatment, or are misdiagnosed when they do.

www.thevaginismusnetwork.com/what-is-vaginismus

I went to have a look at what the group was doing after reading an article, expecting it to be about women supporting each other!

This was the article www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/aug/31/pain-vaginismus-destroys-lives-misunderstood-common-conditions-surgery-treatment

Instead of declassifying women as people/vagina owners/cervix havers etc what's the problem with simply saying "women and transmen"... It's biologically accurate as transwomen cannot suffer from the issues.

A bit off topic but that NHS page seems to have a pretty glaring omission. All of the causes of vaginismus listed are to do with actual trauma or an irrational fear of penetration. Basically it says that there has to be something 'wrong' with the woman to cause her vagina to clamp shut. Nothing whatsoever about it being a perfectly normal response to having sex with someone you don't really want to.

I experienced vaginismus in my early 20's. Was in a relationship for a couple of years with a bloke who I thought was ok, but in hindsight was a bit of a twat really. Towards the end of the relationship, vaginismus was my body's quite eloquent way of telling me 'To fuck with this shit. I don't want this penis in me any more'.

Causes of vaginismus
Often there's no obvious explanation, but some things thought to cause vaginismus include:
• fear that your vagina is too small
• a bad first sexual experience
• an unpleasant medical examination
• a belief that sex is shameful or wrong
• a painful medical condition, like thrush

Because the whole point is to detach female biology from women and girls.

Nothing to do with inclusion.

I experienced vaginismus in my early 20's. Was in a relationship for a couple of years with a bloke who I thought was ok, but in hindsight was a bit of a twat really. Towards the end of the relationship, vaginismus was my body's quite eloquent way of telling me 'To fuck with this shit. I don't want this penis in me any more'.

Lightbulb moment! That could be me writing that.

I always wondered where my vaginismus came from given that there was no trauma in my past, and I'd not been brought up to think of sex as anything shameful. But your account makes perfect sense.

'Women and transmen'

Why is this so difficult.

That its always 'person with a cervix', 'bleeders' or whatever, instead of the obvious 'solution' says to me that the problem is not, and never has been, including transmen. Odd.

Have just found what I assume is an American site that talks about women and they say 2 in 1,000 but also that it is under reported, so who knows the real figure? www.vaginismusawareness.com/

While googling for that this article came up (related) which is sort of shocking - UK survey finds around 1 in 13 women report pain during sex - www.nhs.uk/news/lifestyle-and-exercise/uk-survey-finds-around-1-in-13-women-report-pain-during-sex/

If 1 in 100 men get prostate cancer (made up stat) is it ok to water that down by saying 1 in 200 people get prostate cancer?

Yes, the stats thing is worrying also..fuck knows what they mean these days :(

@Greysparkles

These things must be changed to avoid upsetting a small number of trans people even if a lot of women and girls get upset as being called menstruators, ovulators, cervix havers etc

In this example none of those terms were used. Just people, we're all people

They use 'vagina owners' in the page on smear tests.

OP yes - 1 in 500 women is 2 in 1000 women.

This site says 2 in 1000 people which would be 1 in 1000 women.

So they have halved the prevalence of something they are trying to address.

Makes no sense.

2 in 1000 people, when 500 of those people are male and are therefore irrelevant in a condition that can only occur in females, actually means 2 in 500 women - ie 4 in 1000 women.

I don't believe the change in language is to help transmen. It is intended to please men who hate women and this movement is filled with them.

@IHeartSusanDey

I don't believe the change in language is to help transmen. It is intended to please men who hate women and this movement is filled with them.

I agree 100% with this comment. I suffered from Vaginismus for a long time. I was 26 when I finally lost my Virginity with my now husband. I went to counselling and joined a support group. Both helped immensely. One of the things that really made it hard for me, was the overpowering thought that I could not be a proper woman if I could not have sex and have children. With the benefit of hindsight, this was not the best way of thinking but that was how I felt at the time. My sense of being a woman was linked to my biological failings.

Its exclusively a female issue. I would not have felt safe if my support group included any males. At the time I was so vulnerable and worried I couldn't be a proper woman and have children, this would have tipped me over the edge.

I have vaginismus, diagnosed years ago following traumatic gynae problems for a very long time .

To this day vaginal/vulval problems are the only medical condition that GPs and nurses especially ‘laugh off’ - when I’ve explained I can’t physically have a smear test, I’ve been told I have prove that to them .

Unfortunately being forced to undergo speculum exams in severe pain simply compounds the problem - but there’s still a huge insistence that you have to ‘prove’ you have it . I’ve been to hundreds of appointments where I’ve walked out feeling assaulted . It seems to be only when you’re reduced to tears, bleeding and shaking that doctor says, right, fair enough, vaginismus, you can have diazepam and we’ll try again ...

I’ve never been treated the same way for e.g. a chest infection or a kidney infection, or a broken limb - but it’s fair game for your vagina ...

‘Have you tried a glass of wine?’
‘You should try masturbating more’
‘Did you feel your vagina was ugly?’
‘Haven’t you got a strange vagina, what’s wrong with it?’
‘If you shove tampons in eventually you’ll get used to it...’
‘Sex is meant to be painful, it’s always hurt me’ (from one poor doctor!)

Funnily enough I’ve never yet had sex of any sort . I’ve never felt comfortable with my body . I’ve been told there’s no support out there - one more sympathetic GP was very kind but even she said in terms of actual help they’re very limited ..

I did get handed dilators - great big solid plastic things - told to force one in and watch telly to try and get used to it, might get less painful over time .... nope - and then when you go online almost every resource seems to be written for men or people with intersex disorders . Even on online forums I’ve been accused of being a transwoman ... that ‘normal’ women don’t have these problems !!

Women and transmen is not acceptable because you are using the real definition of women which doesn't include transwomen. Nothing to do with being inclusive to transmen and all about the feelings of transwomen. That is why woman is unacceptable. Simple.

Vaginismus is woefully under-understood/treated. I bet it's a lot more than 2/500 women. I have it and haven't had sex for years, it's too painful. My GP was kind, I couldn't manage a smear test, so she suggested referring for psycho-sexual counselling. But the counsellor was a man - which was uncomfortable to me, and frankly I couldn't get much of a word in - he did most of the talking Not that he had much insight. I didn't go back.

So I've given up. Fortunately, I have a very lovely and understanding partner.

@DookaDakkaDikku

Vaginismus is woefully under-understood/treated. I bet it's a lot more than 2/500 women. I have it and haven't had sex for years, it's too painful. My GP was kind, I couldn't manage a smear test, so she suggested referring for psycho-sexual counselling. But the counsellor was a man - which was uncomfortable to me, and frankly I couldn't get much of a word in - he did most of the talking Not that he had much insight. I didn't go back.

So I've given up. Fortunately, I have a very lovely and understanding partner.

That’s my experience too - referred to a man who told me I didn’t understand how vaginas work . That didn’t last .

Only slightly better than the NHS’ woeful efforts from a gynaecologist who decided I’d obviously been sexually abused and forgotten it !!!

Prevalence will go even lower when we count it in all mammals.
Probably only one in a million mammals has vaginismus therefore its no big deal.
If you're rolling your eyes at me, it's only slightly more ridiculous than including men in the denominator.

Why just mammals? Let's include all animals too. Some of them have vaginas, so it's more logical than including humans who dont.