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Original poster

Male teacher school report

29 replies

Rhynswynd · 28/08/2020 22:05

We are having parent teacher interviews next week. We received the school reports ages ago before all the total covid madness hit us in Australia.
This one phrase in my dd school report has been bugging me ever since I read it and need to ask if I am over reacting.

Dd is 10 and has a male teacher. She was moved into his class this year even though she was supposed to be in a year 3/4 class for both years. First week of school he had her in tears (I can't remember why now) I spoke to him and it seemed to be a misunderstanding and then at the end of term 1 he wrote this phrase in her school report.

"It has been pleasing to see a change in her demeanour as time has gone on, as she started the year slightly sullen."

He has never spoken to me about why dd might be unhappy. It immediately made me think that my daughter is being told to "smile"

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 28/08/2020 22:12

I think a female teacher could have written that too, though I don't think it's appropriate in either case. Sullen seems to imply that your child is purposely being contrary, when she could just be quiet and be unhappy for whatever reason.

User27aw · 28/08/2020 22:15

When my ds started in y7 i had a parent meeting with his tutor to have a chat about how he was settling in. He used the word sullen about ds, I wasn't too happy about it. I would have been less happy if it had been put in writing, sometimes when people speak they choose the wrong word, but there is no excuse in a report. Tbh my ds isn't very smiley on first meeting him so i do see what he meant but isn't a word i would expect a teacher to use.

PumbaasCucumbas · 28/08/2020 22:16

Not sure if this is a sex of the teacher thing... but “Sullen” is not a great word for any teacher to use about a student.

cariadlet · 28/08/2020 22:18

It seems a harsh (bordering on rude) word to use; I'm sure that I'd have had a report returned to me and I'd be asked to rewrite it if I called a student sullen.

Can't see the relevance of the teacher being male.

QueenBlueberries · 28/08/2020 22:21

I thought sullen meant a bit introvert and quiet/shy.

I read the comment as 'she came out of her bubble' type. But English isn't my first language.

NearlyGranny · 28/08/2020 22:22

Ask what was meant, and what evidence he has for this value-laden term. Sullen is an unprofessional thing to say about a child in his care. If the principal countersigned, take it up with her/him, too. That should never have got through!

hellotoday27 · 28/08/2020 22:28

I'd read sullen as a bit sulky. Not sure i'd use the word but i've definitely discussed in parents evening about children that have been a bit sulky at times. Secondary school though and generally about kids who haven't got their own way ( in a class they didn't want to be etc) who started the year sulking.

Perhaps your daughter was happy being in that class and was being a bit sulky about it at the start of the year?

FemaleAndLearning · 28/08/2020 22:29

I don't like the word "demeanor" too. Is this word ever applied to boys?

NearlyGranny · 28/08/2020 22:29

Sullen has pouty, sulky undertones. It's not about being reserved or shy; it's about being moody, glowering, bad-tempered, petulant and thoroughly unpleasant. If there was one incident where she was upset, that doesn't justify it in the least. It would need to be s sustained pattern of nasty behaviour to earn this character assassinating label.

hellotoday27 · 28/08/2020 22:30

wasn't happy!

NearlyGranny · 28/08/2020 22:34

Yes. You never hear about a boy's 'demeanour'. He sounds straight out of Dickens! Does school have a gender-neutral* classroom policy? If not, why not?

*Nothing to do with gender identity, everything to do with sex equality, i.r. having the same high behaviour expectations of girls and boys and no harping about being 'ladylike' or 'boys will be boys' carte blanche.

nauticant · 28/08/2020 22:38

I'd want the teacher to explain what he understood by the word "sullen" and to provide examples of your daughter's behaviour which falls within that meaning of the word. In writing.

Scout2016 · 28/08/2020 23:54

I'd ask too. If she just wasn't all sunshine and smiles that's his problem, if she wasn't doing any harm then why should she be all cheer? She's not there to provide fun company or brighten his day. However if she was presenting as actively unhappy then he should have raised it with you at the time.

Original poster
Rhynswynd · 29/08/2020 01:00

I honestly don't think this phrasing would have been used for a boys report. I will ask him what he meant and whether he would use it to describe any of the boys in his class. And if dd was so grumpy then why on earth he didn't send me a message on the app the school uses for communication.

I got the initial vibe that as long as she smiled and was openly pleasant it made his job easier. My daughter owes no one a sunny disposition.

She is generally happy and outgoing most of the time though I saw no real change in her mood at the time that I didn't put down to the change in teacher/class.

I have also never had a teacher comment on dc's mood in this way before.

OP posts:
teezletangler · 29/08/2020 01:58

As someone married to a male teacher, I disagree with some of the previous comments. I proofread nearly all DH's reports. He is prone to a bit of a brusque, forthright public school style, and while I think this comment possibly borders on slightly rude, I could well imagine DH writing this about either a male or female pupil. Certainly commenting on demeanour isn't something he reserves for male pupils. And he would definitely call out sullen-ness in either sex.

cariadlet · 29/08/2020 07:25

I think that if the teacher is happy to use this word then there's no reason to assume that he would only use it for a girl. Although I wouldn't be able to use it in my reports (negative comments have to be sugar coated), the child in my last class who immediately springs to mind when I hear the word sullen is a boy.

Floatyboat · 29/08/2020 07:44

Ask him by all means but I don't think your interpretation is correct.

PumbaasCucumbas · 29/08/2020 08:15

We had one trainee teacher who singled out children and was overly hard on them, never answered them when they put their hand up for example, then had pets and favourites. another mum even noticed it when she went in as a class helper. My dd was one of the not-favourites and for the first time in school was getting told off all the time, got upset about going to school etc. The only time in 6 years of school this happened. Now she has an amazing teacher who tries to get to the bottom of things if kids are sad or angry and treats every child like they matter. She has her sparkle and love for school back. They all do. So maybe sometimes it’s lazy to blame the child’s attitude if the teacher can’t be bothered to at least try to find out what’s wrong?

NearlyGranny · 29/08/2020 08:39

Where are these schools where children are still putting their hands up?!

DonLewis · 29/08/2020 08:49

Ah, the whole 'cheer up love, it might never happen' type of sexist shit.

Might not be anything to do with the sex of the teacher, but I'd read it that it does have everything to do with the sex of your child and society's expectations on girls and women to be smiley, cheerful, compliant little angles. Which is bull shit, isn't it?

Gncq · 29/08/2020 08:49

I get where you're coming from, it's a real problem that people, more often male people, expect frequent smiles from women, and pass comment if a woman is just resting her face "cheer up love" etc. It's horrid actually.

Given the background though, you said he had her in tears and you had to go in to speak to him, I think maybe he's referring to that but indirectly, as in trying to say "she didn't like me but now she is happier"?

maddy68 · 29/08/2020 08:55

I honestly don't think there is anything to be marked about. He's saying she seems much more settled and happy than at the start of the year.
Also no idea why you think this is a "male" teacher issue
Sorry but you sound "one of those " parents

Roswellconspiracy · 29/08/2020 09:00

This would annoy me too I think.

It feels as another poster said, a bit to close to smile love...

Something aimed at little girls expeceted to perform their cheery roles .

StressedOutTFF · 29/08/2020 09:05

I would not be happy with this. Sullen is not a nice word to use about a little girl - if she was 16 and he had investigated reasons she may be unhappy in class, discussed with parents and concluded that no, she was just grumpy, then maybe (but I still wouldn't use it). I taught a vicious little sociopath for 3 years who absolutely delighted in hurting his classmates and making my life a misery. I still never wrote anything so rude in his school report.

Original poster
Rhynswynd · 29/08/2020 09:36

I'm not one of 'those' parents. I am usually quite hands off with school and let my children sort their own issues but I am fully prepared to stand up when something is not right.

Having both sons and daughters and my son being a lot quieter and with a resting face that rivals my own i never had a bad word written about his demeanour. He is now 22 and still revels in his own company. No one ever called him sullen or thought he should smile more. In all his years at school the only time I had a word with the school was when a kid pulled my sons shorts down in the corridor. He was year 8.

If the teacher had worded the report as "your dd has settled in very well after a difficult start to the year" I wouldn't bat an eyelid. I would recognise that things were tough in her new class but she overcame them nicely. Wording means a lot and the way he worded it really gets on my wick.

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