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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Inappropriately touched yesterday, not sure what to do.

15 replies

doorhandles · 27/08/2020 01:41

I have been ill recently and had to get to specialist clinic so had arranged hospital patient transport as I was too poorly to get there alone.

I was met by a a large ambulance type transport vehicle accompanied by two men one driving and one in the back. The one driving did most of the talking.
When I got out at the end I wasn't feeling great so it was decided to put me into a wheel chair. As I lowered myself into the wheelchair which was going fine, the louder of the two men held the right side of my chest and pressed his fingers in which pressed into the right side of my breast. I immediately flinched and felt instinctively and instantly very uncomfortable and immediately withdrew. I didn't say anything ( mostly I was ill and in the process of trying to get into a wheelchair) after which he took his hand away and I was wheeled towards my apartment. However I did not allow him to assist me further as this might have meant more touching to do up belts across my chest etc What got me was that when he did this I was not remotely unstable infact I was almost fully in the chair. Further I am also trained in manual handling of unwell patients as it is part of my job and am very aware that holding a patient with one hand underneath one armpit/side of chest is completely the incorrect way of handling a patient and in fact more likely to put them off balance than help- (the correct way for this transfer is to support them by standing infront stabilising the chair and taking weight evenly on both hands assisting the person into the chair- and only if they are not balancing or unable to do it for themselves. rather than attempting to "take the weight" by grabbing one side of them. Once inside my building he touched my upper back and sides a few more times as I made my way into my apartment, again even though I was not remotely unsteady and had no need of these "touches" which are nothing to do with patient transferring in any case. The episode has been playing on my mind and I have been turning over whether his touching was inappropriate. If I decide that is was not I want to do something about it rather than dwell on it as it has got under my skin and don't want it to stay there and change me in anyway. Wondering what others would do?

OP posts:
StillNotAGirl · 27/08/2020 01:46

Make a complaint, if he's touching women in a way that makes them uncomfortable and enough women complain eventually something will be done but if no one complains nothing will ever be done.

And I'm sorry it happened to you, particularly horrible when you're feeling extra vulnerable

Butterer · 27/08/2020 01:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doorhandles · 27/08/2020 01:59

Thanks.
I will definitely speak up about it, it is important.
My worry is that as he dropped me off at my flat he knows where I live and will certainly realise that it was me that made the complaint. I live alone and this could make would make me feel a little vulnerable in my own place (even if that might be irrational!) Going to think about ways to report this that Im comfortable with.....

OP posts:
ThinEndoftheWedge · 27/08/2020 08:28

Make a complaint. If it happened to you it will happen to other people - who will be less able to voice their concerns.

I am sorry it happened.

MillieEpple · 27/08/2020 08:38

I'd be nervous about complaining too OP. Its easy to know what you should do
but when you are vulnerable and someone knows your address is scary.

Suggesting a lack of training is easy as that doesnt imply wrong doing on his part just his employer should train him more.
But it doesnt say he assualted me in quite the same way. Is there anyone who can complain for you?

weaselwords · 27/08/2020 08:41

PALS for the hospital trust. I’m not surprised this is playing on your mind.

TesselateMore · 27/08/2020 12:05

I agree with MillieEpple - say you think he needs to refresh his training as he accidentally touched you in xyz area of your body.

If their investigations are similar to where I work someone senior would question the guy he worked with so he will probably be watching his colleague and it will also make "loud guy" think twice.

In an ideal world you wouldn't have to dress it up but given you feel vulnerable a polite "oh dear, he's made a mistake" complaint may be nearly as effective in stopping future "accidental touching". That way you feel better that you took action and at the same time safer from consequences.

If the management is good that will be enough to increase awareness/scrutiny/training anyway.

I think your feelings are the most important here and that's one way you can report in a way that feels less threatening.

BlackeyedSusan · 27/08/2020 12:35

So sorry lovely. Flowers

doorhandles · 27/08/2020 13:26

Thank you all :) I appreciate your comments.
I'll you know what I decide to do

OP posts:
ChateauMargaux · 27/08/2020 13:58

I am sorry this happened to you and that as a consequence, you now feel vulnerable.

His touch was inappropriate, you do not have to consider whether it is good intentioned or otherwise. The facts are, that his touch was not helpful, does not conform to patient handling guidelines and made you feel uncomfortable.

He probably realised he had made you feel ill at ease and then continued to touch you so that you would question his initial touch.

I am so sorry you were left feeling vulnerable when you are already unwell and having to rely on strangers to help you get to appointments.

doorhandles · 24/09/2020 11:41

Thanks all.

Its been a little while since I posted but I wanted to feedback to you what I decided to do as you had all been so kind to offer your advice and support at the time.

So I did end up reporting it and described the incident in full
I remained concerned about my own vulnerability and living by myself and the fact he knows where I live so I did not identify him as an individual but did identify his organisation ( as the service outsources to several organisations)
I was informed this would all be escalated to higher management.
For my own sake there is a note on my file that I should not be allocated his company again.

I feel like I have done all I could and although it remains as a "bad memory" it doesn't enter my thoughts any more and I have now been able to almost completely let it go.

I may in the future re-approach this company to follow up or to make the complaint more formal but will see.

Thanks all for your comments - they made all the difference.
Wishing everyone a good week x

OP posts:
PrawnofthePatriarchy · 24/09/2020 11:44

Glad to read your update. I think you were brave and offer you my congratulations and Flowers.

Angryresister · 24/09/2020 11:58

Glad that you think it has been handled appropriately and that you decided to complain. Well done

iguanadonna · 24/09/2020 12:58

Well done. And very glad that it was dealt with so sensibly.

Wish we didn't have to be afraid of reporting male abuse.

OldCrony · 24/09/2020 13:02

You are very brave as I'm not sure I would've been able to do that.

Hopefully others have reported this man too as I cannot believe this was an isolated incident.

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