Makeup and grooming thoughts

[LumiPear]

Inspired by a thread in chat where it seems people (women) are spending hundreds of pounds on eyelashes... I feel utterly bemused to be honest about why, despite damaging natural lashes that people are shelling out to put extra hairs around their eyes.
I have been dyeing my hair for about a decade to give my hair a red color rather than to cover grey. I was due to get the roots done at the beginning of lockdown. I made the decision shortly after to grow out the red and return to whatever my natural color is. I also wear makeup most days and various other grooming type jobs. So I am by no means unfamiliar with personal grooming. I must be getting old because the extent to which people are trying to change their appearance is getting ridiculous! It was a bit of heather shimmer and a new top when I was young, now everyone is having all sorts done. Is this because of pornography?

On their own ,lashes aren't an issue or particularly linked to pornography. Just like many other things.

The issue is that in a lot of cases they are part of a particular look. That look can be linked to porn/oversexualised media and is often based on exaggerating features that are deemed sexy/attractive/sensual.

Then there's the whole problem of extremes, which are never good.

Personally I think it’s weird that people spend hundreds each year on getting their hair cut. I’ve used the same pair of scissors (€3.99) For the last 13 years

On top of the money, it's the hours on end in the salon that I can't understand.

@Jellyeggs
We weren't drawing lines up the back of our legs and ironing our hair in 1970! (Try 75 years ago) I know what you mean though, used to be that saying 50 years ago meant the dim and distant past but seems like yesterday to me.

On the one hand there does seem to have been an exponential increase in what passes as everyday grooming. On the other hand, we no longer set our hair on rollers every night, or wear painful girdles to give ourselves a 24" waist, both of which I can remember my mum and sister doing. (Spanx underwear can be uncomfortable too but that's far more of a going out somewhere special thing, rather than everyday wear as girdles were.) Flat heels, trainers and comfortable gym wear are all in fashion. There is a movement to let hair go grey which I imagine lockdown has helped along.

If we're going to discuss it, please lets discuss the whole picture and not ignore the things might be inconvenient.

I agree with Goosefoot's point: grooming and playing with your appearance, sometimes with outlandish effect, seem to be standard human behaviour and at times, men have been the more heavily painted.

I think the normalisation of Botox and fillers and the prevalence of apps and filters which change your appearance without you even putting in any effort, are all far more significant - and for for me, more troubling - than a trend for outsized eyelashes.

Thanks @WerkHorse for reminding me how old I am 😭

I do remember briefly going through a phase of plastering myself with some kind of special green foundation to try and take the red out of my cheeks. Then one night I saw myself in the glaring lights of the nightclub toilets and I think that was the day I broke up permanently with makeup.

bigdecisionstomake none of our choices are made in a vacuum, not women's, and not men's. All our choices are influenced to a greater or lesser degree, whether directly or indirectly, by our society, culture, and socialisation. To think that all our choices are totally freely made is just naive, as is thinking that pointing this out somehow denies women the ability to exercise choice and agency. You can choose to do whatever level of grooming you want, but that doesn't stop your choice being the product of many different things which you can't control and probably aren't even aware of. Even my choice not to participate in elebaorate grooming has been influenced by my political beliefs, the norms within my peer group, the examples set for me during my upbringing, the requirements of my lifestyle, and probably even things like my relationship status and social class. That doesn't stop it from being my own choice, in the sense that no one is actively forcing or coercing me into making it, but it didn't just fall out of the clear blue sky and into my head either. As for big eyelashes being influenced by porn, I have no idea if that's true but what I will say is that you don't need to personally watch porn to be influenced by it. If porn leaks into mainstream fashion to the degree that it becomes a dominant part of our cultural asthetic, then you don't need to be watching the porn to be influenced, you just need to be part of the culture that its dominating. Think of high street fashion. It starts off with high fashion concept outfits on the runway, and ends up as mass produced every day items in topshop. You don't need to be buying copies of vogue or attending catwalks to be influenced by it, you just need to be shopping at topshop. In the case of pornogrpahy a better analogy might be a pile of toxic waste leaking into the water supply. Just because you can't see the toxic waste, doesn't mean you won't be affected by the contaminated water supply.

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings

bigdecisionstomake none of our choices are made in a vacuum, not women's, and not men's. All our choices are influenced to a greater or lesser degree, whether directly or indirectly, by our society, culture, and socialisation. To think that all our choices are totally freely made is just naive, as is thinking that pointing this out somehow denies women the ability to exercise choice and agency. You can choose to do whatever level of grooming you want, but that doesn't stop your choice being the product of many different things which you can't control and probably aren't even aware of. Even my choice not to participate in elebaorate grooming has been influenced by my political beliefs, the norms within my peer group, the examples set for me during my upbringing, the requirements of my lifestyle, and probably even things like my relationship status and social class. That doesn't stop it from being my own choice, in the sense that no one is actively forcing or coercing me into making it, but it didn't just fall out of the clear blue sky and into my head either. As for big eyelashes being influenced by porn, I have no idea if that's true but what I will say is that you don't need to personally watch porn to be influenced by it. If porn leaks into mainstream fashion to the degree that it becomes a dominant part of our cultural asthetic, then you don't need to be watching the porn to be influenced, you just need to be part of the culture that its dominating. Think of high street fashion. It starts off with high fashion concept outfits on the runway, and ends up as mass produced every day items in topshop. You don't need to be buying copies of vogue or attending catwalks to be influenced by it, you just need to be shopping at topshop. In the case of pornogrpahy a better analogy might be a pile of toxic waste leaking into the water supply. Just because you can't see the toxic waste, doesn't mean you won't be affected by the contaminated water supply.

This! This is a very eloquent way of putting what I was going to write.

None of our decisions in life are made in a vacuum. This has been a hard lesson to learn as I have got older!

I'm fine with dying my hair, make up etc. But anything 'false' like extensions, gel nails etc no way! It's like society is looking for the next thing to influence women to do to themselves. At the moment it seems to be dermaplaning. I've done very well so far without shaving my face ffs!

Why spend time oppressing a group when you can make them do it to themselves? And believe they’re freely choosing to spend time, money and brain power on it every day?

Sorry I’m in a grumpy mood today, bloody peri menopausal hormones plus the joy of single mothering against my will and with a work deadline.

Oh the infinite joys of being female under the patriarchy. Please send wine

Ok I will grudgingly admit the patriarchy didn’t cause my menopause