Does it ever make you feel so depressed

[hazandduck]

I just feel heavy and sad and angry today.

Yesterday a post came up on our local Facebook of a poor woman who was stalked in our woods (literally on the doorstep) I walk there a lot with our toddler and baby on my own. She posted a very terrifying, heartfelt account and then reports popped up including from our local police that there was indeed a male following lone women jogging/walking dogs etc.

A couple of weeks ago in there I had a strange ‘being watched’ moment and just had to get the hell out of there, when I told DH I said I felt silly for letting my societal conditioning get to me as I couldn’t enjoy being on my own in nature (I had my girls with me but they are a baby and toddler so I was the lone adult), but after reading this girl’s post I got goosebumps realising maybe my instincts had saved me that day.

There were many, many supportive comments from women, who had experienced similar, who offered solidarity, kindness, empathy. Then the men started to comment. One posted a crappy joke and was handed his arse to him on a plate, he defended himself by saying he understood how women felt because he had a mother and two ‘pretty daughters.’

Others started to say it was a ‘nice story’ that she should publish a book, they didn’t believe it, that she should get a bigger dog to ward off attackers, she was probably being paranoid, he was probably innocently going for a walk (he actually was running after her at points and she changed her course many times, he also disappeared when she found another jogger and walked with them for a while then he reappeared after the jogger and her parted ways.)

It really saddened me this morning to see she had deleted the post. It had hundreds of shares warning those locally but all have now been removed. This is pure silencing of women at work. The comments not believing her came flooding in and she felt no choice but to delete the post, even though the police released a statement confirming there had been several incidents corroborating what she’d said.

The other day I went for a jog past a park where a group of boys about 11-12 watched me run past and one actually shouted “look at her tits bounce as she runs!” I was so mortified I went home, despite being a thirty plus woman, and they being children. It just starts so, so young!

These are pretty mild examples of every day misogyny but it just makes me so depressed.

Anyone else just feel saddened by it all sometimes? 😩

Yep I hear you and I'm sorry about what happened to you while jogging. It does start so young. In fact I was once running past a man who loudly proclaimed "look at the legs on that!" to (what I assume was) his 8ish year old son.

Normally I would tell men like this to eff off but I was so shocked that he would say that to a child that I didn't know what to do.

Thank you twoHopes. I’m sorry you’ve had it too. I don’t think I know a woman who hasn’t! I am also reading Invisible Women at the moment which is not helping my frame of mind, it’s making me really hate the world. But I saw a quote somewhere the other day “if you aren’t angry then you aren’t paying attention,” or something like that, and I think I shouldn’t let go of my anger!

I think so many men get away with comments like that because of the ‘shock factor.’

Yes. Often. Remember to step back, breathe, and do other, good, healthy, nourishing things. We live in an imperfectible universe; there's as much good as there is bad.

What Arabella said. Plus also the fact that the anger and empathy we feel for each other can often be used to help others is another thing that gets me through. But OP.

I was so mortified I went home

I'd have marched up to them and challenged their behaviour.

Thank you Arabella and Chatty, you are right. Wish I could turn my brain off sometimes.
I feel myself getting more bitter and tired every day!

Minty I know and I kicked myself when I got home but I just couldn’t face it, I wanted to tell them off, I’m just a wimp I guess 😩

I too read the original (very well written) post. Her experience was terrifying and she was absolutely right to share it for the benefit of other local women which makes it all the more depressing that she felt she had to take it down.

I cycle between being fearful about putting myself in situations where I might make myself more vulnerable and then thinking I am probably making a fuss about nothing and that I shouldn't have to limit my life in that way because I am a woman.

Hate finding out that I am right to feel vulnerable and need to limit myself.

I totally get the shock factor. I was once walking along a street in the middle of the day when a teenage boy jumped out and got right up in my face and screamed, 'show us your tits missus' before running of laughing. I'm only short so even though he was young he was bigger than me and gave me quite a fright.
Another time I was in the car as a passenger, and glanced out of the window to see two boys, aged, I'd guess about 9-10, going home in their school uniform, when one of them suddenly made a very rude, and aggressive, hand gesture at me through the window, which his mate copied, then they ran off laughing. It was less threatening in that situation but I felt so shocked because of their age.

You're not a wimp OP. We all react instinctively when threatened: freeze, flight, fight or friend. To those say "I would have...", just don't.

The anger and frustration gets overwhelming for me sometimes.
Many women say they've become stronger people/stronger feminists because of how often they've had to disregard the BS opinions of men insulting them on stances they know they're right about. And sadly, also from women who don't get how bad sexism and male behavior are (or do know deep down but have chosen denial).

Yes. Depressed and very angry

Yup. Me too. You fight the tsunami of misogyny your whole life. Sometimes you find some sort of spot, floating along, and feel like you're managing. And then some whacking piece of junk being carried along on the same flood hits you, and you're back to gasping for air and trying to find anything you can grab on to and rest.

The stupidest thing is it's all a total waste. It wastes women, obviously. But it also wastes men. They're not happy, constantly watching their backs and desperately protecting their man cards. Kills a lot of them, too.

The only way of coping I've found is to look at the far horizon where the tsunami isn't and to know that another world is possible.