Knew it might happen... Sad it has (DD not conforming to gender norms)

[Aroundtheworldin80moves]

DD turned 7 recently. She is obsessed with dinosaurs, and wants to be a Paleontologist or Explorer when she grows up.... Or a cheerleader. All in all, she's just an average 7yo girl with her own likes and dislikes.

For Christmas she got a dinosaur lunch bag, school bag and water bottle. She loves them. Was excited to take them to school.

I had the lunch bags out yesterday. She looked at it sadly and told me how some of the boys had been teasing her, saying it must be her brothers or how she must think she's a boy. She is rather strong willed (i.e. vocal and bossy, I know her bad bits!) and tells them that girls can like dinosaurs too. They were even learning about Mary Anning in lessons at the time.

We work so hard to let our children develop their own likes and dislikes... And then they get nonsense like this over a lunchbox. She's chosen a new school bag... With more dinosaurs on (the last one is too small for Yr3) .

I think they have moved on now but until recently Boden did a whole range of girls clothes in dinosaur prints.

The word bossy needs to be eliminated, try and avoid using it around her at least. Sounds like she’s an assertive leader who is still (obviously) developing those skills at age 7.

Maybe we should be teaching all little girls to tell their over-opinionated, sexist peers the language-appropriate way to fuck off and mind their own business. They're going to need still apparently.

Yes. I taught mine to laugh at how silly the ideas were that kids were repeating, pointing out how ridiculous it all is. We did role plays about it sometimes.
‘Why don’t you think boys are allowed to like pushchairs and dressing up? That’s a bit silly! Toys/colours/clothes are for everyone’.
Etc etc ad infinitum.
They were worried about being rude or get to it into trouble, I said it’s never rude to say when another kid is being silly if that’s making someone else (or you) feel bad. That you don’t have to agree. It’s fine to disagree with ideas and those ideas are silly and old fashioned ideas. Etc.

To clarify... The 'bossy' bit relates to her wanting her own way, not listening to others opinions, answering back, etc. The assertiveness, standing up for others and other bits I encourage. She takes no nonsense and that is definitely a good thing.

Fortunately, she doesn't seem bothered by others opinions on what she should like. Her favourite outfit is one of her dinosaur dresses, her explorers jacket, a straw hat (like the old fashioned school hats!) and her camouflage bag. Her bedroom is decorated with dinosaurs and butterflies. She is definitely individual. And yes, she's pretty awesome. As is her a lot quieter sister, whose more likely to be found with a book.

Hopefully, she will continue to believe in herself and her own opinions. I got her book about female explorers for Christmas, so she definitely knows that women can do these things.

Kids tease each other, it's perfectly normal. Don't take life so seriously and make mountains out of molehills!

Haven’t those kids seen Jurassic park?? Female dinosaur enthusiast and expert!!? They’re just being kids. If she had a pink sparkly one they’d probably say something like that too. Good for your daughter. Stick to what she wants and likes ....ignore ignore ignore. ( easier said than done when your 7 tho)

I had this experience as a child (1980s), though it was a boy saying “are you a boy or a girl” and I said “girl” and that was that.

I felt horrible about it through, like I’d done something wrong by liking dinosaurs and having short hair. I probably started growing my hair out around that time, which looking back is a bit sad. :/

Good luck to your daughter. I am a biologist now, and though not a paleontologist I know a female paleo who is personality wise like your daughter! If she wants to she can make it too.

Oh bless her. Had she seen the show Dino Dana? it’s on amazon prime and it’s about a little girl who loves dinosaurs and doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes - there’s even an episode where she goes back in time to meet mary anning. It aces the bechdel test and i wish they’d had it when i was a dinosaur-obsessed, nerdy, smart, bossy, awesome, ‘ungirly’ little girl 😆

OP’s daughter - you are awesome exactly the way you are, never change yourself for anyone

Well I was fascinated by Dinosaurs at her age (still am!) and vividly remember buying a book on dinosaurs(at about the same age ) with my DGM who was amazed at my choice! The guy in the store resonated with me and said he would have chosen the same! Good for your DD.She sounds a lot like me! I like Dinosaurs ,Driving and used to enjoy Woodwork at School as well.Also like Pink,and pretty dresses ,Flowers and so on .One doesnt cancel out the other !Hopefully she will continue to be both Vocal and Bossy ,both of which she will need in future life!(How come boys are always high spirited or organised?)Does anyone say male bosses are bossy or just women I wonder?

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

DD turned 7 recently. She is obsessed with dinosaurs, and wants to be a Paleontologist or Explorer when she grows up.... Or a cheerleader. All in all, she's just an average 7yo girl with her own likes and dislikes.

For Christmas she got a dinosaur lunch bag, school bag and water bottle. She loves them. Was excited to take them to school.

I had the lunch bags out yesterday. She looked at it sadly and told me how some of the boys had been teasing her, saying it must be her brothers or how she must think she's a boy. She is rather strong willed (i.e. vocal and bossy, I know her bad bits!) and tells them that girls can like dinosaurs too. They were even learning about Mary Anning in lessons at the time.

We work so hard to let our children develop their own likes and dislikes... And then they get nonsense like this over a lunchbox. She's chosen a new school bag... With more dinosaurs on (the last one is too small for Yr3) .

You're perpetuating gender norms yourself OP by using the word bossy.

Boys don't get called bossy. They get called 'strong-willled' or 'leader of the pack'.

I'd remove that word from your vocabulary and choose a better descriptor.

I wish I had heard her at age 5 shouting at her teacher for more playtime! She was probably quite right about that, btw, though shouting is not always the best way to communicate. Sometimes it absolutely is, though. 👍

I remember having a Jurassic Park lunchbox that roared (nearly 30 years ago). No one ever thought this was an issue, but I thought things were much more gendered back then.

I've mentioned this a time or ten on here before - when my DD was in year 1 they did the 'what do you want to be when you grow up'. "A builder" she says. To which the teacher retorted "girls can't be builders" and made her choose something else - as a lot of the other little girls had picked the unlikely occupation of 'ballet dancer' she grumpily said that. She was absolutely furious when she told me about this. Of course I told her the teacher was being silly and old fashioned, and we had a discussion about the sorts of things she might want to build - rockets, or planes or bridges etc. (She wasn't actually planning on being a brickie though frankly that would have been more likely than a ballerina!).

And thus is born another feminist, who knows clearly that gender norms are bad and silly. She'll soon be starting the last year of her MEng, leaving the spare room looking like an electronics lab from her summer intern work. She is a 'builder'.

Look up Trowel Blazers. They even sent my daughter some stickers. Fabulous people.

Mine is 11. Been there. Wanted to be a paleontologist since she was 3. Dinosaur bags, bed linen etc.

DD has been dealing with this throughout primary school, it's tedious. When it got really bad I did mention to the teacher to ask if they could cover something about challenging sexist stereotypes and it would get better for a bit and then slide again.

By year 6 DD had very short hair, always wore trousers and was often playing football at break. The kids in her class were generally ok, but kids in other classes (often younger) would often tell her point blank that she must be a boy and refused to believe that she could be a girl.

Hoping secondary school might be better.

If your DD is interested in Mary Anning, Google Mary Anning Rocks - it's a campaign by a schoolgirl to put up a statue of Mary in Lyme Regis. DD has a t-shirt.

Had this in both directions with my two. At just 3, DD came home from nursery and solemnly informed me that she wasn't allowed to like trains anymore, "because girls can only like princesses." Thankfully that phase didn't last long - she's extremely independent, and nowadays at the grand old age of 8 could give less than a fuck what other people think of her.

DS is 6, and finding it harder - he's a sensitive soul, and cares a lot more about being liked and fitting in than his sister, and he's paying for it. He likes pink (will tell you his favourite colour is red - but actually picks out things in a very deep pink and calls it red!), and anything sparkly and he loves to sing and dance, and have his nails painted. He gets called a girl and a baby at school, and last year got pushed to ground and kicked and punched by the other boys in his class. I've had several meetings with the school to try and resolve this - but have the distinct impression they think he's the problem.

I used to dream about trilobites
Then studied geology at university and loved it.
Dinosaurs are not for boys

I think she is awesome! Well done to her!

Rigidity about social rules is really common in that age group, and also misunderstanding the difference between trends and rules.

They grow out of it, you don't see many 10 year olds that think that women can't be doctors.

he gets called a girl and a baby at school, and last year got pushed to ground and kicked and punched by the other boys in his class

this breaks my heart . I want to give your lovey boy a big hug.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal‘s DS - you keep liking what you like, it’s far better to be an interesting grownup than a popular kid. Pink and sparkles are for EVERYONE, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise x

@BlindAssassin1

Maybe we should be teaching all little girls to tell their over-opinionated, sexist peers the language-appropriate way to fuck off and mind their own business. They're going to need still apparently.

I taught DD to say 'whatever' and roll her eyes. I got told not to do it by the teacher but I pointed out they hadn't sorted out the bullying, and once they did, I wouldn't have to teach my child strategies to deal with it.

When I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark as a kid I wanted to BE Indiana Jones. He was who I aspired to be and for a brief short time, it wasn't problematic to me that I was a girl. I didn't see anything wrong with that. Still don't. I never thought I was man though - I hate that little girls are still hit with stupid stereotypes.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves good for her. Explain to her that 50% of all dinosaurs were girls. Seems to be a fact that surprises most people for some reason. So then she can use that fact to ask why dinosaurs are for boys if half are girls.

@Goosefoot

Rigidity about social rules is really common in that age group, and also misunderstanding the difference between trends and rules.

They grow out of it, you don't see many 10 year olds that think that women can't be doctors.

Some of them grow out of it.

But little girls quit football and boys quit ballet lessons or whatever and don't return. Early years are formative.

Your daughter sounds great. As others have said that age is an awfully sexist one. I hope that it's being countered by the teacher when it happens, adults were awful for labelling children when I was like your daughter.