Coping in the workplace as a female victim of sexual violence

[SisterCellophane]

I am a female victim of male sexual violence (rape). This was many year ago and until recently I did not believe it had any impact on my daily life. Trying to avoid doxxing myself here, my role at work deals with a population that are all convicted sex offenders and/or convicted of domestic abuse (with so far entirely female victims) although I do not have any face to face contact with them, which means I am constantly mentally processing a relentless drip-feed of male on female violence. A couple of the sex offenders now identify as women and it is abundantly clear I must conceal with complete zeal any indication that a.)I may not consider them to be women in the same way as I am and b.)that this bothers me at all (this is relevant as language is policed at all times regardless of who is present). While on an ontological level I am unable to find a satisfactory definition of "woman" that does not either make reference to biology, refer to stereotypes I find offensive or is simply circular, I understand that this is not the dominant view and that concealing any indication of my view is the price of continued employment so this has never been an issue. However regarding the sex offenders this has elicited an unexpected emotional response in me. I feel re-traumatised and gaslighted. I think this is because I understand the facts of the female vs. male body as being not only central to my view of the roots of female oppression, but also central to my own experience of rape (being physically unable to resist due to sexual dimorphism) and the feeling of powerlessness I have held at my core ever since. I am due to go on maternity leave soonish but intend to return to this position and am increasingly worried for my mental health (I have a history of severe depression and self-harm) as I want to be as stable as possible in order to care for my child (both emotionally and financially, hence my need to return to my current job at least initially as they will be providing my maternity pay.) I feel sick with a rage that cannot speak it's name (I am even worried this post may be too identifying) and I have nowhere to turn. Does anyone have any experience trying to discuss issues like this in therapy - is it possible to do or is any woman coming from this perspective likely to be invalidated/subject to attempts at conversion to the normative view on gender identity?

I wonder if women's aid could point you in the right direction?

I'm fairly certain there will be therapists who understand your perspective, it's trying to find one.

I do wonder if looking for a different job would be a better long term aim. I found mother hood deepened yesterday rage against people like that.

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I can't see why you couldn't discuss it in therapy. Your views are not unreasonable, may not be compatible with "the company line" but therapy is for you to explore your feelings.
It sounds like there are lots of things about the job that are causing you to reflect, maybe the trans offenders angle is the last straw rather than the cause.
It also sounds like you are starting to process some suppressed feelings about your rape. Therapy would definitely be a good idea for support with that. Hope it goes ok

You could absolutely discuss your feelings in therapy, there is nothing wrong with those feelings or views, I have been through similar and share your discomfort.

Yes you can discuss it in therapy. It might help you to process everything.
Also, think about another job. Dealing with sex offenders has to retraumatise you every day. I could not do what you do. Even if you did not have your own past assaults to live with, any one would get burn out after years of it.
A good friend of mine was a prosecutor for child porn cases and just looking at the evidence in case after case, he eventually experienced burn out and transitioned into prosecuting drug offences.
Maybe change tracks and deal with a population who are all theives or alcoholics—something nonviolent.

Unbelievably, our situations are really similar.

It’s not what you asked, but maybe it would help if I explain how I cope? I try to think of what I am working with in the abstract, like you would if you were reading about a fictional case. I helps me not personalise, and not to insert myself into the situation iyswim. It helps me not to have an emotional response, or link anything with my old past experiences.

I think the hormonal changes that come with being pregnant however make it much harder to do, and I certainly struggled with it for a couple of years after giving birth.

I think therapy is probably a good idea, and any reasonable therapist would let you talk without trying to impose their own opinions, and if they didn’t then I would be seeking a different one.

Marcus Evans (mentioned in another current thread) has given parents recommendations for therapists who will work in-depth with ROGD teens (a difficult group to find willing and able therapists for).
I suspect he will happily do similar for you and either recommend someone suitable or at least point you in the right direction.

He’s on Twitter and he has a website here: evanspsychotherapy.co.uk/marcus-evans-psychoanalyst-psychotherapist

I would be looking into getting your work to at least part fund it somehow!
Good luck (and congrats on the baby).

Sorry, I almost forgot to come back to tis thread (busy week and still finding Mumsnet a bit difficult to navigate - used to using Reddit but this topic is now banned there). Just wanted to thank everyone for their replies.
Not to pry, but if anyone has actually undergone therapy regarding rape or similar (especially many years after the fact as I would be doing), would you be willing to share what exactly about the process you found was helpful? I feel like I need to do something, but I still can't decide if therapy would actually be a good route for me or not.
The crux of the issue is that I can basically identify one key issue that I'd describe as being unresolved, and that's just dealing with the fact that due to sexual dimorphism, men have a power that I don't (in fact I'd go as far as saying that brute force is the root of all real, or at least all direct power. I understand this is likely to be a controversial opinion, but the fact remains that if I do/say something a man doesn't like he can stop me - or enforce dominance by punishing me- instantly by physical force. Whereas if a man does something I don't like I can't do anything about it myself. I can seek to influence his actions through reason, but when reason fails he can potentially force me to his will. I cannot force him to mine. The closest I can get is using the force of the law and/or social pressure, both implicitly dependant at the core on being able to leverage actual physical force from others, not myself. I am always on some level aware of this and it inhibits my ability to freely express myself as my basic safety is not in my own hands and depends on maintaining a base level of agreeableness to those more powerful than me...a group including pretty much all men) and never can (I can't fnd the source but I've heard that even the top 1% of women are only as strong as men at about the 50th percentile. Due to physical size and lack of any previous training I will not be anywhere near the top 1% of women even if I quit my job to body build all day, not that that's something I'd actually want to do but I'm just dropping this in there before someone suggests I take martial arts classes as if that would solve the problem ) because they can physically overpower me. Since sexual dimorphism is a.)An established fact and b.)Unchangeable, (let alone the fact it is also now c.)A social taboo to the point of unmentionable) I'm sort of lost as to how discussing this would be helpful.
It's like seeing Thestrals, to be semi-topical.

Basically I mostly just want therapy as a place where I can speak my mind and won't have to ever lie, but if that's basically all there is to it, it might be better to just try and find some kind of radfem social group and/or do internet ranting as demonstrated. Since it's free and all.

I'm reading "the body keeps the score" at the moment and it's really helping me, although triggering in places. It's about the lasting effects of childhood trauma and suggests treatment options (and evidence for those).

I also had compassion focused therapy a while back and would strongly recommend it. On the off chance you are sw based, I could recommend someone if you pm me.