Advice please

[Tzy66]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this but I need advice. A female friend of mine has just confided in me that two nights ago another friend of mine made unwanted sexual advances to her. This happened in my house, I had some friends over, we were drinking heavily and the girl in question went upstairs to go to bed early. The rest of us stayed downstairs drinking. So yesterday she called to tell me that my friend got into bed with her, took his clothes off and tried repeatedly to pull hers off. She wouldn't let him. He then proceeded to touch her innaproprately. She has asked me not to say anything about it but I know what he done is totally unacceptable and I'm not sure what to do about it. Is what I have described sound like an attempted rape? Or some form of sexual assault? They are both good friends of mine and I'm not sure what to do? My friend has told me this in confidence and asked me not to tell anyone, but I can tell that she is clearly upset.

Wow! I would encourage her to go to the police.

Sexual assault. Police.

I would encourage her gently to report to the police and let her know she has your support.

I would also encourage her to go to the police. You could offer to go with her? She may not want to report it and I would understand that, but it is sexual assault as best, attempted rape at worst. I guess they mean the same thing?

Given the state of the police force/judiciary on rape I would, if it happened to me, be tempted not to report, but at the same time it is important to prosecute to keep more women safe.

One thing for sure I'd never speak to him again and I'd do everything I could to support her. I hope she can get some therapy or help somehow.

Yeah, he sexually assaulted her. You can suggest she report him to the police. It's hard because it sounds like she wants to confide in you and, at the moment, doesn't want it to go any further. Perhaps in time she will. But he's clearly a predatory creep and if I were you I wouldn't be spending any time with him again. Have any of your other friends hinted at him overstepping the mark before?

"overstepping the mark" sounds like childish mischief, but you know what I mean. Has he a rep for being a creep?

I'm going to see her later. Since she told me it has constantly been playing on my mind. I'll try and persuade her to go to the police. I'm so angry at what has happened and feel like I should just report it. But I won't, as she has asked me not to and I don't want to break her trust. If she insists that she doesn't want to go to the police what do I do then? I can't just forget about what has happened.

This is very unlike him and there has never been any hint that he was capable of doing this. It is totally out of character. However, I wholeheartedly believe what my female friend has told me and I'm going to be supportive of her in whatever way I can.

Well I certainly wouldn’t want him in your group of friends anymore, and I’m sure she feels the same. It’s very difficult though as if you message him and he denies it, what can you do? Would your friend feel comfortable with other people knowing and trying to freeze him out the group?

I’ve honestly no idea but I suspect all you can do is support your friend and walk beside her on the path she’s on.

You can only really be there for her. In time, she might want to tell the police or tell your other friends, but don't rush her.

She has asked me not to tell anyone else within the group. I strongly get the impression that she is ashamed/ embarrassed about what has happened. Even though she shouldn't, it was not her fault, she has done nothing wrong. I think she is worried that others will judge her, although I know they won't, but trying to explain that to her is difficult. Perhaps if I get another woman to speak to her it would be helpful? It does mean telling someone else even though I've been asked not to.