I'm struggling with my mom at the moment who I believe is extremely controlling towards me and my 2 siblings. She gets into many arguments, and more so recently, as I am getting married next month. She constantly has an opionon on everything we are all doing, and I feel frightened to tell her anything that is happening in my life as I know 90% off the time she will not agree or be happy with decisions I have made.
I went to view a flat a few weeks ago and I could tell my mom was unhappy about me moving out (ps - I'm a 30 y/o female). I'm moving in with my future husband, and today she told me that I never 'consulted' her when I signed the paperwork for the flat and that was not acceptable. She is also trying to sort things out for the small wedding we are having, and is over exaggerated everything in her head. If I tell her I'm at work and can't help her plan things to do at the moment, she has a massive go at me and tells me I'm really rude, don't care, and want everything my way. I try and explain that just because I am working from home, it does not mean I am free. Even if I tell her i'll help with it all at the weekend, this is not good enough as all of this stuff is urgent in her eyes. It is a very small wedding, there is not much to plan but she is creating work for herself. Because of lockdown, I have been unable to see or spend much time with my partner as we don't live together and are almost 2 hours drive from each other. Everytime I do go and see him she makes me feel extremely guilty, and then throws it in my face when she is raging saying that I go and see him every weekend when I should be at home helping her and (doing nothing).
For the last few days she has been finding little things to argue about. Today it was the fact I see my in laws and my partners extended family. She doesn't like that and apparently it shows I am not bothered about my own family because I am 'too busy' mixing with my partners family. The accusations are getting ridiculous.
It is so draining dealing with my mother as when we talk, it is never a conversation, more just abuse hurdled my way. She never listens and even if I try and explain my point of view, she doesn't want to hear it and will twist my words to what she thinks I said. Sometimes I am genuinely confused if she misheard me or just made it up. If I tell her she is twisting my words she calls me a liar and makes me feel worthless and stupid.
I am getting married next month and cannot wait to get some space from her. When I share my arguments with my siblings, they are both very understanding as they have also been on the receiving end of it... However they just keep saying she is lashing out because it is a lot of change for her. I am moving out, getting married and leaving home where I have lived for the past few years, and she cannot cope with all the change so is having an adverse reaction. In my eyes, I am 30 years old and living at home. Not exactly the dream scenario.
I worry that once i have moved out and got married, she will find something new to argue with me about and I cannot handle anymore of her stress. If I don't call her, text her, come home to see her, see my in laws more than I see her... She will turn this all into something that it is not and will make the beginning of my married life a misery. My mom does not really have a relationship with her own siblings and I feel she does not understand what it means to be part of a family. It is very stressful living with her and lockdown has caused many issues. Now that I am starting to look forward to the next chapter in my life, my mom is tainting it with all her arguments and I feel a bit hopeless. I feel scared and fearful to approach her about anything in life, now and in the future. Even if she doesn't agree with my decisions, I do what I want to live the life I want, but it is just draining telling her as I know the arguments it will cause. Just hoping someone reads this and understands me and can relate/offer some advice :(