Explaining why term ‘woman’ is important.

[pippitysqueakity]

Had a brilliant opportunity with my two teenage DDs in car today who told me J R Rowling was transphobic.
I think I cocked it up (to coin a phrase).
Trying to explain that women is the way to refer to people who menstruate . One of my DD’s has a transgender friend and she said x menstruats and would not thank you for calling her a woman. I tried to explain her gender was female , but if her sex made her menstruate, then her sex is female. This then seemed to me as I said it to be transphobic as I was essentially saying, it doesn’t matter if x identifies as male they are female.
I think maybe I am not clear in my own head, I know I am not a ‘non man’, or a ‘person who menstruates’, but a woman, and I want them to be confident to describe themselves as women/ girls, confidently, but have confused myself a bit I think.
Any suggestions?

@notyourhandmaid thanks for recommendation, have ordered book now.
Thanks all, guess I should have been more prepared for the conversation but it took me a bit by surprise.

Just because they don’t want to be referred to as a woman, it doesn’t mean that they get to say that no one else gets to be referred to as a woman either (except trans women).

Why are they allowed to identify as they wish and at the same time deny that right to 50% of the population?

Woman isn’t a dirty word but it is increasingly being painted that way when it refers to women.

Inclusivity would be ‘women and other menstruators’ if they’re desperate to to have that word.

And was very clear, even though I no longer menstruate I am a woman, and x’s sex is female although her gender may be male. Have I got that right?

I don't think so, personally. Gender isn't a real thing. It's just a collection of stereotypes about how females should look and behave and how males should look and behave. What we should be doing is continuing to dismantle the stereotypes, not changing people's 'gender identity' to fit the stereotypes.
Someone who is a woman but likes to wear stereotypically male clothes, do stereotypically jobs or hobbies and has personality trairs traditionally associated with men does not have a 'male gender', they are just a woman who doesn't fit the stupid stereotypes that we shouldn't still have!

I think it's much clearer to use 'Male' and 'female' to refer to sex, and if you do need to describe 'gender' then use 'masculine' and 'feminine'.
And stick to only using 'woman' for 'adult human female'. If your DDs parrot 'transwomen are women', challenge them to define 'woman' in a non-circular and meaningful way. The notion that anyone is a woman who feels like one is simply devoid of useful meaning, and it destroys legal protections for vulnerable women.

I agree. "X's sex is female." is the bottom line.

Female people are all different, with different likes, dislikes, strengths, interests, political views etc etc etc. An important part of our sense of self is shaped by the sexed body that we have, and how that is viewed in a sexist society, particularly the limitations that are put on us. But that also varies depending on our age, fertility status, disability status, race, ethnicity, even body type.

Wasn’t there someone banned from Twitter yesterday for hate speech for saying only females get cervical cancer?

So you’re not allowed to use females instead of women either.

@TheShoesa thank you - I have much reading to do! This is exactly what I needed.

noblegiraffe yes a whole hash tag kicked off with such vile hate speech.

I do agree with you that 'women and other menstruators' should suffice as inclusive language (but only if the intention was to actually be inclusive rather than diminish women's capacity to speak about themselves).

Thanks all, guess I should have been more prepared for the conversation but it took me a bit by surprise.

I think its a difficult conversation to have with daughters, because you want them to feel confident and as though they can take on the world.

Spelling out all the reasons that women need sex based rights and protections is not fun.