coming out as non-binary changed my sex life for the better: I don't understand?!

[fuckinghellapeacock]

I really don't understand the 'non-binary" aspect of this article. Can anyone shed any light?

www.buzzfeednews.com/article/sefleenor/coming-out-as-nonbinary-changed-my-sex-life-for-the-better?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=BuzzFeed%20News%20-%20July%2010%2C%202020&utm_term=News%20confirmed%20list

What am I missing about the need for non-binary?

Not much. It's complete bullshit and a great way for perfectly normal and ordinary (usually heterosexual) people to claim an 'oppressed' identity.
Apparently non-binary identities are covered by hate crime laws, at least in Scotland. I wonder what a non-binary hate crime looks like....
Women aren't protected from hate crimes though, because sex (which is a protected characteristic) isn't included in the list.

Bisexual woman with a history of CSA marries a straight man. Both have had many sexual partners in the past. This heterosexual couple live by sexist stereotypes. They both think of sex as a performance.

One day the woman, in the middle of a yet another diet, decides that sexist stereotypes and performative sex are unsatisfying and even oppressive.

The wife puts her foot down and refuses to play the game any more. No more sexy submissive little woman. She stops dressing in sexy clothes. She stops dieting. She won't let her husband dominate her in bed (he still tried though at first).

She was worried that if she stopped playing the sexy submissive little woman then her husband would dump her. She asked him when drunk then later she snapped and stopped the SSLW act.

Turns out he is fine with her not putting on that act. Turns out her husband likes her for her personality not her performances. He doesn't mind her putting on weight and getting big boobs and a big arse, although they trouble her. He drops some of the macho crap he felt he had to perform while she was a SSLW. Their marriage and sex life improves. They started having threesomes and she likes it.

For reasons of 2020 being batshit, she has taken a fairly normal experience and made it speshul by using trans words to describe a tale as old as time:

Wife snaps, screams Fuck The Patriarchy, burns her bra, refuses to stuff another mushroom, refuses to let sex be all about him, refuses to starve herself to be stick thin, bins the porno clothes, says no more submissive little missy I am standing up for myself. Husband is a bit shocked then goes along with it because actually he's nice. Their life improves after some initial turmoil.

Isn't that just year

"Isn't that just year" eh? Apparently I am on glue.

Doesn't every generation invent the same personal revolutions and like to think they are revelatory?

Or maybe the current lot are finding it harder than previous generations to realise if you'd asked your mum, your gran, your aunties, they'd have told you about when they snapped too.

a new way to describe an old experience?

I gave up too. I'm still none the wiser as to what "non-binary" means and how one transitions to being non-binary.

Non-binary means sexist feminist?

That's so sad. I'm happy the writer is happier but it's so clear that her problems were down to horribly sexist and unrealistic expectations of what it means to be a woman.
And instead of opting out of those expectations, she's trying to opt out of being a woman.

I'm a few years too old to identify as non-binary, but I seem to share common experiences with a lot of slightly younger people who do, so I am going to make careful I -statements instead of you-statements

If I identified as non-binary, (it would mean that I had realised that the expectations on women felt horribly oppressive and not like something the real me could ever be and the last time I felt happy with my body and not filled with disgust when I saw it was pre-puberty.

If I still had the low self-esteem typical of a child raised with female socialisation, I might conclude the problem was me and I just wasn't a proper woman, instead of realising that the expectations placed on women were unreasonable.

Fortunately, I got hold of Germaine Greer and bell hooks books in my teens instead and learnt the words 'that's not fair' instead.

Imagine if the first wave feminists had done that. Said "we want to vote and work and wear trousers and have short hair - because we're actually not women! You just keep oppressing those actual women who like being treated like chattel

I always think this. And imagine if gays and lesbians had argued that sex was a spectrum and not a binary and men could have vaginas and women could have penises so actually they were heterosexual and if you were only 'opposite genital attracted' you couldn't use the term heterosexual and you were oppressing them. How far would they have got?
I mean seriously...where's the - well, pride?! To say I am what I am and that deserves respect in itself, not I deserve respect because I'm not actually what I am. Drives me potty.
Argue for acceptance of yourself and humane treatment instead of opting out and throwing others to the wolves (non-binary) or trying to piggy back on another sex class (TRAs).

Or to simplify it in tumblr terms, where is the desire to 'widen the bandwidth of womanhood' for natal women?

Excellent post, Broomfondle