How to be a submissive wife

[Motherwifesisterfriendwomen]

Someone send this link to me and well it got me thinking about feminism and the right to choose but can women honestly say they would choose this lifestyle

pairedlife.com/relationships/How-to-Be-a-Submissive-Wife

I genuinely can't read that. I managed about halfway & my skin was crawling at the crying instead of being angry bit.

Giving away so much agency - It's too much like a parent/ child relationship than a marriage between adults & I find that deeply creepy.

I did read it - basically it suggests becoming an expert manipulator "managing" your man while appearing to enjoy being submissive. But I'm feeling particularly cynical today.....

It's the difference between the two claims:

1. If feminism succeeds, one of the end results (not the only one) will be that women have available to them the same range of choices (for good or bad) as men, and will be judged to the same extent (not more or less) as men for making those choices; versus

2. Feminism is about choice so any choice made by a woman is a feminist choice.

(1) is true, (2) is patently false. But (2) is sold to women under the guise of a certain form of dick-pandering liberal feminism.

Not surprisingly, the choices it seems to focus on (being a surrendered wife, choosing to be submissive in the bedroom, choosing to go into prostitution) seem to be ones which benefit men, but are a bit shit for women. Almost like it's not feminism at all, more like some sort of wolf-in-sheep's-clothing attempt at infiltrating feminism.

Bleurgh!!!!

How to Be a Submissive Wife in 7 Steps:
Let him be your hero.
Listen to what he says, but don't always answer.
Always look beautiful for him, especially around the house.
Become a housewife.
Care for his wishes.
Cry instead of yell.
Ask him for favors when you know he is in his most relaxed state.

No responsibility on the part of the man AT ALL not to be a dick and not to start arguments. It's being beholden to your husband's moods and whims. Bollocks to that.

(DH is the more impulsive of the two of us. Mostly, his impulses are little and harmless, only really affect him and we let him get on with them. If I just went along with everything though, we'd be in some really weird situations.)

Ugh. Hideous from start to finish. I knew someone who was in a marriage along those lines, although she would have flat out denied it. He was very much Head of The Household, she did what she was told, they never argued apparently and he wanted her to quit work and stay home after the kids were born. He made sure that happened by making organising childcare 100% her responsibility, both practically and financially. She eventually cracked from the frustration and quit her job, which she loved. And yet weirdly, I wouldn't have said she was unhappy in the marriage. I think it felt familiar to her because her parents' marriage was similar. Like I say, ugh

Great post DianasLassoo

Haven't read it

I did read it - basically it suggests becoming an expert manipulator "managing" your man while appearing to enjoy being submissive. But I'm feeling particularly cynical today.....

That just sounds like topping from the bottom.

I'm into dominance and submission. If you need a written guide on how to appear submissive then you aren't submissive and are just trying to please men.

Obviously that particular woman did!
IMO Feminism isn't particularly about 'the right to choose'. We all make choices every day and not every choice is a feminist one just because a woman makes it.
Feminism is the liberation of women from male oppression. This comes with the right to make choices that were once denied us (like getting an abortion or returning to work after a baby), but that doesn't mean any individual choice might not be a terrible one, and it shouldn't be defended just because someone 'chose it' of their own free will.

And of course - no choice is made in a vacuum. The fact that there are more surrendered wives than there are surrendered husbands (if that is even a movement - I've never heard of it) tells us that even the women 'choosing' this are doing so from a cultural soup of it being 'normal' for a woman to stay at home and a man to earn the living and be 'the head of the household'. The old 50s stereotype of the nuclear family looms large in society's collective head, so slipping into that role may seem familiar and comfortable. Women are more likely to consider surrendering than men because that's just a tiny step beyond what would be considered 'perfectly normal'. The other way round is a huge step - it happens less. That's not a coincidence.

The reasons behind choosing this have to be considered as well.Handing your financial security and all decision making over to another person suggests that (unless brought up in a brutally repressive religious community where there was never any choice) they are trying to escape something, running away from responsibilities they found too much or unpleasant experiences at work and finding comfort in reverting back to an almost childlike state of having someone else take control.
As a response to having something bad happen in adult life, it isn't a 'free choice' so much as it is an unhealthy coping mechanism ... a bit like 'choosing' to take drugs.

If feminism has liberated women from male oppression (I would say that's still ongoing) and thus has given women the right to choose, then of course that includes the right to make anti-feminist choices. If they're happy in that then that's fine for them, but as with all choices it is open to criticism if impacts on others.

Feminism will still be there for the surrendered wives if the day ever comes when they realise the very vulnerable position they have got themselves in and need help getting out.

Being a submissive wife to your husband means that you focus on being his helper, lover, and supporter.

Well surely you both be these things? And if he isn't doing them what's the point in submitting to the nob head?

Have you found the blatantly fetishy pages where they go on about paddles and so on yet? It's a very odd subculture.

Unfortunately there's certain sects, especially in America, that demand this if women. It's ridiculous. Though I'm the opposite, dp quickly realised just to let me have my own way!

I find it disturbing because it makes me wonder if that's what I've accidentally become.

Let him be your hero. Yep, he saves me every morning when he sets up my coffee machine for me before he goes to work.

Listen to what he says, but don't always answer. I have 2 autistic kids. I'm a master at listening, but not listening, and just saying enough to make them think I'm listening, when I'm not.

Always look beautiful for him, especially around the house. My husband thinks I'm the most beautiful create to ever walk the earth. I'm not, I'm short and fat and look like a hairy tomato. But to him I look beautiful even when I look like I dies several weeks ago.

Become a housewife. Disability made that decision for me.

Care for his wishes. Don't we all care for the wishes of those we love?

Cry instead of yell. I'm a blubbering wreck these days. I cry at anything. Earlier today I was crying because I saw my cat playing with another cat outside.

Ask him for favors when you know he is in his most relaxed state. If he's not at work he's relaxed so this is easy.

I need to go back to feminist school. I'm not very good at it.

So let him protect you, provide for you, and hold you when you are in deep sorrow. Your husband loves you and wants to do anything he can to please you and make you happy
Great if he does that. But many men don’t. Maybe he doesn’t earn enough to provide for a family on his own. Maybe he doesn’t give a shit when you’re in sorrow, or know how to be supportive. Certainly my DH would call it “pandering” if he was asked to be supportive. And letting him provide is great until he pisses off with someone else and you have no income of your own. It’s just totally impractical and unrealistic.

😂😂😂 I’ve just shown this to my husband and we have come to the conclusion that he is a housewife.

Women have been brought up since the 1960s to develop their careers first before marriage, to compete with men in the workplace, and to train in aggressive contact sports—to think that winning is everything—just like men traditionally have done throughout history. For many women this focus on aggression has led to more unhappiness and more stress in their lives.

This paragraph handily glosses over the concept of the second shift, doesn't it? Yes women have been encouraged to work, but too many men still get away with not picking up their fair share of the slack at home and with the children. So women are now having to work and be full time cleaners/cooks/ mothers (sold to us as 'having it all').

The problem isn't that women are working. That isn't why they are unhappy. The problem is men not pulling their weight.

But saying 'women, don't bother with having ambitions, dreams and achieving financial security because men are too lazy to clean the loo and they're never going to change' doesn't sound quite as positive as 'make him your hero,' does it?

I could do this.

Theres a part about that by being a submissive wife you lower the chance of infidelity. All the women I know that has been cheated on are strong professional women.

I once followed a book called ‘the surrendered wife’ as a last resort when my DP and I were arguing constantly. It’s very similar to what you posted. A lot of it was ridiculous, like if he says something horrible to you just say ‘ouch’ rather than talking back, but I just saw the arguments get less and less so stuck with it, it was probably the most harmonious few months of our whole relationship and I can completely see why some people stick with that sort of lifestyle. It was kind of like being a child, a lot less stressful. But, I never lost sight that it meant we weren’t equals and that just isn’t right. I run a successful business and have children who I want to be a strong role model for. I stopped following it to the letter but the experience did make me realise I’m sometimes unnecessarily controlling, belittled him and didn’t trust him enough. Being submissive isn’t healthy but, yes, I can see how some people get sucked in.

Sometimes I feel like I am that wife, but by nature. It’s sort of embarrassing to admit but that’s just me! I’m still a feminist, I’m just a naturally caring, nurturing, self-effacing, easygoing homebody type as well. If my husband expected me to do all those things or demanded it, though, that would be a different story!

Most of the women in the surrender wife or quiverfull relationships grow up in that insular environment. Until the sexual abuse came out some of them were promoting the life on a faked reality televisions show.

The problem is, for you to be that sort of woman he has to be that sort of man. You can only be protected if he’s protective. You can only be a housewife if he’s a high earner. You can only be submissive if he’s dominant. Western culture doesn’t have so many of those sort of men any more.

I can't read it because of super strict settings on the server for the kids. Not sure what's in it to cause that 🤷‍♀️ but I get the gist. It's pretty dated stuff!!! Some of those things are OK but only if it's a two way thing!