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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Anyone been banned from a dating app because they were same SEX attracted?

20 replies

DJLippy · 08/07/2020 19:27

I got banned from lesbian dating site Her because in one of my pictures I was wearing an adult human female tshirt. Has anybody else recieved similar bans?

As you may be aware internet dating is a bit of a nightmare right now for same sex attracted women. Our spaces are inundated with men, many of whom are not even attempting to "pass." Literally dudes there with beards in sites made for women only.

They seem to be running on a "don't ask don't tell" basis. You are fine as long as you don't explicitly state your sexual boundaries - i.e adult human female seeks adult human female. On Her it is actually impossible to state that preference. You can state you want to exclusively date any gender under the sun - just as long as it isnt an adult human female.

I would be interested in hearing from other women about their expriences on these sites. Have you been banned? Have you had any bad experiences with abusive penis havers? Have you ever been catfished and matched with a man who you thought was a woman?

Anecdotally I hear many same sex attracted women speak of their issues with these sites I wondered if anybody else had experiened any bother

OP posts:
TheSingingKettle49 · 08/07/2020 20:07

But surely even if you don’t explicitly state no penises or no short people or whatever else you’re not attracted to they must know you’d still be screening for those things?

I mean why would anyone want you to sleep with them if they know you didn’t want to sleep with them? Has the world gone mad?

DJLippy · 08/07/2020 20:18

What is the word for someone who wants to sleep with people against their will?

OP posts:
Binglebong · 08/07/2020 20:23

I'm sure there is one DJ, begins with R maybe?

notyourhandmaid · 08/07/2020 20:30

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SapphosRock · 08/07/2020 20:30

That's insane Shock

Wearing an adult human female teeshirt is a great idea, much better to be upfront about your values so you can meet someone similar. I'm so shocked you were banned for it.

It's been over 10 years since I was online dating, sounds like a different world now Sad

MsMarvellous · 08/07/2020 20:33

That's horrible. How are people allowed to do this. Banning people for stating sexual preference and / stating biological fact. Isn't that contrary to every equality law

DJLippy · 08/07/2020 20:44

I didnt even get a chance to SAY anything untoward. Something really hateful like "sorry lesbians dont do dick"....on a female only dating site...

OP posts:
Iamhangingin · 08/07/2020 20:45

I have been pretty horrified by some of the profiles on lesbian dating sites so I'm not using them as it doesn't feel like a safe space. It's such a shame as there aren't the women's venues now there used to be. I don't know what happened to this site but circa 2006 I used this site called (I think) gaydar girls, which was far more about meeting new people not just dating - people arranging nights out, holidays etc. Dating just seems very unfun now Confused

BlueBrush · 08/07/2020 20:56

I'm not a lesbian, and not helping with your question, I know, OP, but just wanted to say how utter crap this is. Sorry this is how things are for lesbians at the moment OP. How fucking dare they?!

DJLippy · 08/07/2020 20:56

Lesbianism has become "the love that dare not speak its name."

It very much reminds me of the policy of gays in the US army. Dont ask don't tell. Like, its OK to be a lesbain, just dont SAY it. Please ignore all these men, its mean to say anything...

OP posts:
TheSingingKettle49 · 08/07/2020 20:58

As sexual orientation is a protected characteristic I wonder if you could bring a claim under the equality act?

londongirl12 · 08/07/2020 20:58

Don't know if I'm being hugely dim, but what's an adult human female T-shirt?

DJLippy · 08/07/2020 20:59

I'm actually bisexual just for clarity except if I want to look for a woman - I'm looking for a woman. I don't go to gay spaces to find men, I can do that anywhere. I feel so much worse for lesbians who have no choice.

OP posts:
EmbarrassingAdmissions · 08/07/2020 21:07

@londongirl12

Don't know if I'm being hugely dim, but what's an adult human female T-shirt?
Literally a tshirt with the definition of woman - (noun) adult human female. Several styles available from various stockists.

www.standingforwomen.com/product-page/t-shirt-with-definition-1

RealityBased · 08/07/2020 21:14

I'm so sorry, OP! Flowers

Frankly, I never gave too much thought to the sex vs. gender question until something like this happened to a friend I've known and loved since we were fighting over shovels and buckets in a sandbox (and were both much too young to worry about romance, sexual attraction or the politics of either). Rather accidentally, I grew up to think blokes were the shit, though, whereas she grew up to think it was women all the way.

Hence: no, you're not wrong! Far from it!

While I'd consider myself a "arguably GC but otnerwise more liberal than radical feminist" for all practical intents and purposes, this is where I'd most definitely draw the line: we all - and I literally mean "all", male, female, race, class, education, political leanings and faith aside, even though I've opinionsbon allnof these - get to say who we are and are not attracted to. And, in my book, there is no racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, socioeconomic superiority or inferiority complex or any other, however random, situation that's not legitimate in this particular context.

For what it's worth: I'm a white (fair skinned, blonde and blue-eyed), upper MC, heterosexual woman. I like my men stereotypically tall, dark and handsome. And I'll throw "brainy" into the mix.

I've dated or have pined after short men, fair men, not stereotypically "handsome" men in my life. But this is down to me and my choice!

Trying to impose rules for whonwe should or should not be attracted to? No! That's several steps too far!

Now, I've never personally felt the urge to shag a short, blonde swarty female Brexiteer. And I suspect it's rather unlikely that I ever will.l, nor am Iblikely to get itm But if that's what you want: more power to you!

Anything else is nothing short of incredibly rapey!!!

BaronessSnippyPantsofCroneArmy · 08/07/2020 22:03

Happened to @luluchops on Twitter too

Anyone been banned from a dating app because they were same SEX attracted?
ChakaDakotaRegina · 08/07/2020 22:17

Urgh! It’s not exclusionary- it’s specific!

Are they going to take all photos down next so nobody feels discriminated against? Pot luck dating like the newspaper adds pre internet. It’s dating it’s not The Voice ffs sake!

I’m sorry OP. This is shit for the L.

EvelynBeatrice · 08/07/2020 22:30

Section 12 of the The Equality Act defines sexual orientation by reference to SEX attraction - you could try pointing that out.

EvelynBeatrice · 08/07/2020 22:40

... and woman is defined in section212 as a female of any age ....

EvelynBeatrice · 08/07/2020 22:43

In fact it occurs to me that tshirts / posters etc repeating the statutory definitions and saying ‘ as defined in the Equality Act 2010’ would be hard to argue with... the law is the law after all...

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