What should I do?

[shalhoub]

Hi everyone - name changed because this is outing and I'm a bit scared. I thought it was best to put this here.

I'm in Berlin, and we are able to now go out and drink with friends.

Out on a date with a man I've been seeing for a few months in a bar. Next table over is the man who raped me on a date.

I didn't say anything to the guy I'm dating. Was a point in the evening when rapist went to the bar and my date went to the toilet, and I went and spoke to the woman he was with, and told her.

My date and I left right after and since then I've had messages from him on a new FB he's made (I had already blocked his real FB), and on a Twitter account.

We used to be best friends. He raped me. He guilted next and gaslit me and I stayed friends with him for a while after. Eventually cut all ties with him.

I feel sick. What should I do?

Offering a hand-hold. That must have been absolutely horrific for you.

I am guessing you don't want to report (I presume you decided it was not the right path for you back at the time, and that you've not changed your mind) and this is fine. I probably wouldn't either.

I think you did a very brave thing in telling his date - well done.

Could you perhaps get a friend to read the messages, screenshot and save them somewhere, so you don't have the trauma of reading them, then block him again?

Block him he has nothing to say to you that you want to hear

So sorry you had that experience OP. What an utter pathetic waste of oxygen he is. Well done for telling his date. Is he harassing you now?

Sending

The reason I mentioned getting a friend to read them and screenshot them is in case this turns into a prolonged campaign of harassment and you need evidence at a future date because of police involvement. If he's set up one set of fake facebook and twitter accounts to contact you, he could do so repeatedly.

Thanks everyone.

My roommate/friend read the messages, screenshot them and sent them to her phone and deleted them from mine so I don't have to see them. She will keep them for me. And she's blocked the profile.

I'm scared because he knows where I live. I don't want him to come here, and I'm scared for his date also.

I wish none of this had ever happened to me. It never goes away.

That must have been scary - you were brave to say something to his date though. I don't know that I would have had that much presence of mind.

I think the others are right about blocking him. Are you also scared he might keep trying to contact you or is angry? Or that you may see him again? If so, it may be that you should think about whether you want to go to the authorities after all, though it's hard to say what the result might be.

I suppose you could answer his message and say you will contact the police if he tries to contact you again, before blocking him.

I still can't believe I did tell her. I didn't even think, before I knew it I was up and talking to her. Now I feel bad for her I just left straight after. I hope she's okay too.

That was an amazing thing you did to warn the other woman. That's really bravery.
Do you not want to report what happened?
Your friend sounds great also.
Very sorry for what you have gone through.

OP, who knows, you might have saved her getting further involved with this man. You did a really brave thing by telling her.

I wonder if you can log what has happened with the police there? I know in the U.K. you can report a crime (or even just a suspicious incident or potentially helpful information) and just have it filed on record without taking it further.

This means in the UK that they can also have a quick response flagged for your address in the event something escalates (even though it may never do).

You also have the option to take it further and ask them to investigate, if you decide to at a later date.

Hope you are ok OP.

Thank you for warning her.

Well done for warning her, that was really brave and you were obviously following your instinct. That says a lot about how you don't want him to hurt others.

Do you feel you can report it in some way? I have no idea what the police are like in Berlin but if there was a record of the messages somewhere they would at least have a name and a description of him and what happened. I completely appreciate that this might not be what you want to do though.