TW Anyone know of resources for natal victims of transgender rape?

[IAteAPrittStick]

Hi NC for this because I feel sick even thinking about it. I've been on the women's rights board for a little while but I can't deal with this being linked to my main profile so please please don't namecheck me if you know who I am.

10 years ago, I had an incident. I've purposely not thought about it in the intervening years but today it's just exploded in my face, I've spent most of the day reliving parts of what happened, how it happened. I've thrown up a couple of times from reliving it. My words are not so good right now. Basically I was a naive student and thought she was a lesbian, when she said she was trans I thought that meant someone who did not have a penis, and who took hormones. I was accepting of this because as we all know(!) TWAW. I was very, very wrong on both counts, as I kept finding out in new ways over the next 48 hours.

Over the past few days of reading around various GC stuff it's become sickeningly at the forefront of my mind. I've tried to Google and DuckDuckGo anywhere I can talk to someone about what happened, if I even should talk about it given I just can't get the words out properly to explain what happened without zoning out and reliving it again... I just don't know where to turn or what I need. I don't want to go into details but I am currently alternating between crying and remembering things I don't want to remember and sort of zoning out again. Can anyone point me in the direction of some help please? I don't even know where to begin.

Sorry if this is a jumble.

Sorry this happened to you. Do you have a SARC (sexual assault referral clinic)? In my area they are excellent. Wait I will Google. Hang in there.

www.nhs.uk/service-search/other-services/Rape%20and%20sexual%20assault%20referral%20centres/LocationSearch/364

You can search your local area here. They deal with recent and non recent incidents.

It sounds like you have PTSD, does your GP know you? Give them a ring first thing tomorrow and ask for support, then talk to Rape Crisis and ask for a female counsellor. They won't press you to talk to the police, they'll just support you.
If you can't get through tonight and don't feel safe, present yourself at A&E. They can write you an emergency prescription.

Thank you I wasn't sure if anywhere would listen to me because as far as the world is concerned, she was a woman. I don't have any contact details or even remember what name she was going by.

Oh crap I put my postcode in and they only do England.

@Thelnebriati

It sounds like you have PTSD, does your GP know you? Give them a ring first thing tomorrow and ask for support, then talk to Rape Crisis and ask for a female counsellor. They won't press you to talk to the police, they'll just support you. If you can't get through tonight and don't feel safe, present yourself at A&E. They can write you an emergency prescription.

Thanks I'll try and make calls in the morning. I just don't want to talk about it.

But I know I need help with this at the same time. Sorry I hit post halfway through.

I'm sorry this happened to you. There will be a duty psychiatrist at A&E who will be able to offer immediate help, a friend of mine with PTSD has been told when she gets stuck in flashbacks and can't break out of it to go as often the duty psyche can do some quick EDMR on the spot for immediate relief.

Don't worry about that, its not the issue. You need to get trauma support.
rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/find-a-rape-crisis-centre/

If you are in Scotland you could give Breathing Space a try if you want to speak to someone tonight. They have a phone line open in the evenings. breathingspace.scot/
The number is 0800 83 85 87
Or there is Samaritans, phone 116 123 (free to call from within the UK and Ireland), 24 hours a day or Email: [email protected]
You can also phone NHS 111
I think you need support with this OP particularly if you are having flashbacks and dissociating. Any reputable counsellor will not ask you to speak about things you don't want or can't talk about but they will support you.

Your GP wont go into a huge amount of detail about the how or why, but they do need to know about your symptoms. They should also refer you for counselling.

I haven't tried it myself but I've heard good things about EMDR therapy for PTSD, so ask your GP about that.
www.healthline.com/health/emdr-therapy

Sorry to hear this OP some great advice here and I agree your first step should be support for the trauma.

Just leaving this here for you to think about later. It's for you to decide whether to report to the police or not. Please don't feel pressured either way. I have never reported my rape nearly 20 years ago, but my friend did hers, 10 years later, and although they didn't ultimately prosecute him they did take it seriously and she felt a powerful sense of closure which helped her mental health. Take care x

If you're in Wales there's New Pathways - 01685 379 310 (other numbers available here )