Surrogacy in Observer magazine: thoughts?

[tiktok]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jun/14/family-planning-how-covid-19-has-affected-all-steps-of-surrogacy is a first-person piece which outlines the impact of the Covid linked no-travel situation on the experience of the writer.
She is an almost 40 year old who is unable to have her own child - this has clearly been a devastating realisation and she has gone through a lot of heartache.
Her solution to this is to hire a surrogate mother, and a separate egg donor, and a baby will be conceived with the writer’s husband’s sperm, in the USA, and when the baby arrives, it will have cost the couple a ‘six figure sum’ (they have chosen the expensive ‘unlimited tries’ option).
They are onto their fifth surrogate mother (no details of what happened with the first four) and it’s not fully clear if and when this fifth woman actually became pregnant.

The issue for the writer is that travel bans may make it hard to collect the infant (I’m inferring from this that the woman they’re hiring is pregnant, though she illustrates her point by referring to other UK parents waiting to collect their baby.

This is like the Ukraine situation we discussed here a few weeks ago.

There is not a single word in the article that looks at the impact on the surrogate mothers (referred to at all times without the word ‘mother’, btw), or on the babies, or indeed what actually happens to either of them.

The focus of the article is solely on the feelings of the would-be parents. I don’t think there is any evidence that there is any care for the emotional well-being of the surrogate mother, or the baby.

Of course it is desperately sad not to be able to have a baby - but this is not the answer. The availability of surrogacy causes these painful feelings to be prioritised over everything else, and everyone else.

It’s not right.

Infertility can be desperately sad for a couple, I'm by no means underestimating that.

But to circumvent UK laws by going abroad and participating in a commercial surrogacy industry is horrific.

For various reasons, we’re working with our fifth surrogate

These reasons should be expanded.

Richard Westoby has been helping people navigate the choppy waters of international surrogacy for six years

I infer this to mean he helps people circumvent figure out what’s legal and what isn’t in the baby buying business.

Natalie Gamble of NGA Law is arguably the UK’s most revered fertility lawyer

Revered is not a word I would use.

I feel sorry for Nicole for her medical and pregnancy history but in no way does that justify partaking in the international baby buying and selling business. It seems to me as though the article is focusing on the US-UK element to try and sanitise it somewhat, but it’s no different to going to the Ukraine, Thailand, India etc. It’s still rich people using the body of a poorer woman to buy a baby. If the word surrogacy wasn’t used, it would be international child trafficking.

"Over the past few weeks we have debated whether to continue with this process. It is so different to how we envisaged starting a family, so much more remote (we will not be able to visit during the pregnancy, as we’d planned) and so much more stressful. But we have decided to do so, because life must continue and we’ve come so far. Perhaps in the coming months, if there isn’t a vaccine, there will be an effective treatment – or at least travel insurance."

Looks like they haven't yet reached the stage of pregnancy but plan to push on anyway. Good luck with the travel insurance.

If the word surrogacy wasn’t used, it would be international child trafficking. It is a shocking trade in babies.

I can't get past the use of 'pregnant parents' in the second sentence.

Pregnant mothers or women. Men and fathers never become pregnant.

Agree OP.

So basically hire a body, buy an egg, send off a sperm sample and write a check. I’m sure this person has suffered a lot and really wants this baby, but it just sounds so transactional.

Is this couple also willing to take on the risk/consequences of birth injuries in the mother or the baby if it’s is born with complications? Can they change their mind or get a refund and try again, like buying a puppy? From here it looks like if you have enough money you can outsource all the unpleasant/risky bits, obviously it’s not the olden days but pregnancy/childbirth is not risk free especially in some parts of the world.

It's the Handmaid's Tale without the rape part. What happened to the other four handmaids? No one cares, we don't speak of them. It's horrible.

You shouldn't be able to buy a baby. It is child trafficking.

obviously it’s not the olden days but pregnancy/childbirth is not risk free

USA has some of the worst maternal mortality statistics in the western world.

For comparison the rate in the UK is around 8 per 100,000

Sorry, I didn't notice those were five year old stats.
Google tells me it's 29.6 per 100,000 in 2019.

In the US, lawyers make sure the commissioners are well protected from any liability if something ‘goes wrong’.

They wouldn’t be doing their job, otherwise.

It’s exactly the same as babies ordered from the Ukraine, or indeed anywhere else.

Infertility is desperately sad. I have children, and I’m as conscious of the sadness as if I didn’t have them - my life would be immeasurably different if I wasn’t a mother and I would have struggled massively to cope.

But I would not have bought a baby. Terrible things happen to people in life. Terrible things happen with health, dreams, relationships. Life breaks our heart, over and over.

But we cope. We find meaning in other things....without risking someone else’s health, well being and future because we can pay them.

I loathe the legitimacy the MSM gives to these people who are buying babies.

Completely agree, tiktok. 'Navigate the choppy waters.' What a thin euphemism for 'identify legal loopholes to exploit women.'

This is similar to Sophie Berensen and the woman X who will buy babies from the states after being awarded the money eh to do so from the U.K. government.

It's child trafficking, creating life as goods to buy and sell. It goes against human rights and is immoral. It doesn't stop it from happening, I wonder what depths we need to sink to as a species.

The surrogate mothers very very rarely get a voice and when they do any issue surrounding their experiences are often dismissed or barely given a mention.

Fancy a campaign on this OP?

@OhHolyJesus, I’m active on other fronts atm.....

At present in the UK, commercial surrogacy is already illegal (rightly, of course) and I don’t think so-called altruistic surrogacy should be permitted either. I see it as a woman’s rights issue and a child right’s issue, but I accept it would be hard to outlaw altruistic surrogacy.

Is there an existing campaign in the UK? I don’t think there is pressure to make commercial surrogacy legal, is there?

Problem is, people with money can overcome barriers. Babies born to US mothers to UK commissioning parents need to get passports and so on. Rich people sort that out. Those babies are already here, and they need love and care. No, they should not have been born in the first place. How is it stoppable?

It's child trafficking, creating life as goods to buy and sell. It goes against human rights and is immoral. It doesn't stop it from happening, I wonder what depths we need to sink to as a species.

I agree. It's the commodification of children. I loathe it.

The problem with so-called "altruistic" surrogacy in the UK is you can get up to £15000 in expenses. That's far too little for me to risk my health with another baby but for a poor woman with few options it is a reasonable chunk of money. People have complex reasons for wanting to do things and often act in self defeating ways - like agreeing to carry a baby for strangers off the internet. I don't think it can be truly described as altruistic like donating blood is for example.
Not only is surrogacy legal but in Scotland it is actually funded on the NHS for straight and gay couples. That is correct, buying babies is funded. Drug and alcohol services are cut to the bone, if you want a gastric band (proven to be the only way to help most morbidly obese people in the long term) you have to jump through a million hoops but we have the money for donor eggs and to pay a surrogate for male couples (and heterosexual but the numbers are much smaller as it would only be women of reproductive age who have had their uterus removed which would be a tiny number of cancer survivors - otherwise you would have to do conventional IVF). They don't fund it for heterosexual couples where IVF has failed. I have a lot of sympathy for people in this position who are desperate for a family but I really don't think the NHS should fund something so potentially harmful. Surrogate pregnancies (with donor eggs) are higher risk to the woman than carrying her own child and there is also the risk to the egg donor. That's to say nothing of the importance of bonding and the mother/child bond.
I wrote to the Scottish government voicing my concerns about protection of women and children and feelings that this is not something NHS funding should be used for and received a total non-reply.

I don’t think there is pressure to make commercial surrogacy legal, is there?

Unfortunately there is. The HFEA carried out a consultation recently with the goal of moving to a more commercial model. The campaign has heavy support from gay couples like Lance Black and Tom Daley who are lobbying hard to change the law.

At present, in the U.K., babies born to surrogate mothers are legally the child of that woman until an adoption order is made. They argue that this puts parents who have paid the surrogate at risk because she might change her mind.

Surrogacy U.K. is very much in favour of changing the law: surrogacyuk.org/2019/06/06/surrogacy-uk-welcomes-law-commission-consultation-paper-on-reforming-uks-outdated-surrogacy-laws/

Is there an existing campaign in the UK? I don’t think there is pressure to make commercial surrogacy legal, is there?

Yes, there is a campaign being formed I heard, watch this space.

The Law Commission want to legalise commercial surrogacy so to, they say, reduce the number of people who go abroad, basically it makes it easier for them as the baby is born in the country they reside. US surrogacy agents assist with birth certificates and passports, or at least they advise. They get a massive chunk of the approx. £100k that it costs to buy a baby in the UK, only a small amount goes to the surrogate mother by comparison. There were agency staff caring for newborns in the UK because of the pandemic, I expect there still some doing that now and more babies are being born all the time. I think in Ukraine I saw numbers of 125 ish?

In the US the baby belongs to the buyer before birth as they have pre-birth orders in some states. In the UK parents would need to seek a parental order and it's a bit late by that point, to dispute how they circumvented UK law and did something (currently) illegal in the UK. Judges tend to decide what is best for the baby, which has already been removed from the oven who doesn't consider herself a mother, legally or biologically so it's a done deal. It's basically all decided by the time you get to conception and it's just a matter of time and money. No one is fighting for these born/unborn children.

I also have fingers in various pies too OP, you crack on, it's like Everest right now...but if you can you could share this www.stopsurrogacynow.com/

and maybe also this - UK MP letter
nordicmodelnow.org/category/surrogacy/

Hopefully others posting here will also consider the links above.

Thanks for that info, @Clymene. Very worrying. Reflects what some people think of mothers and babies. It’s all about the commissioners, isn’t it? The customer is always right. 😡

@Rowanapp, I agree about the wrongs of altruistic surgery....I think it’s also wrong between sisters and friends. It fucks up family relationships big time. I have seen this happen (dh had family friends where this happened - the consequences direct and indirect were awful. Informal arrangement, no payment as far as I know, just one sister doing what she thought was a good thing for the sister who could not conceive. I gather bad consequences are not rare).

Thanks @OhHolyJesus.

What happens in the US if something ‘goes wrong’? Baby born sick, disabled, say?

Well done writing to the Scottish government Rowanapp
How typical that you got no reply. Are you in Scotland?

I am appalled that the NHS will fund surrogacy in Scotland and also in Wales. Are these sufficiently devolved that the wider NHS has no control over this does anyone know?
I recently wrote to Simon Stevens, head of the NHS. My email generated an auto response saying because of coronavirus they would hardly be dealing with any emails at all, there was a list of all the types of enquiries that wouldn't be responded to. So I sent him a letter in the post as well. Not a word.
I wish we could demand an enquiry or judicial review or something - on grounds of the NHS funding harm to the women providing eggs and surrogacy services.

The contracts tend to be watertight and it's like the Wild West for surrogacy in the US. They put in two or three embryos at a time and do selective abortions or 'foetal reduction' if there are then too many babies.

I'd take a look at some realise stories as they are quite complex to explain. I'll come back and post something from a US surrogacy lawyer later as it show areas that are covered in the contracts, even expressing breast milk. It's very Handmaids tale.

I recently read Susan A Ring's book The Unexpected Mother, she had a very traumatic time but she appeared addicted to surrogacy and went on to do it again despite the horrific things she went through. I think there are several cases where the mental health and obsession of the surrogate mother is tantamount to abuse not only by exploitation through their reproductive systems but because they are vulnerable due to their mental health.

Toni here was treated abominably by the commissioning parents, as if they owned her, setting down all kinds of rules after the pregnancy was confirmed - but too late to back out then!

Infertility can be desperately sad for a couple, I'm by no means underestimating that

Crippling poverty that leaves you open to abuse of others for their own gain is worse.