This is so powerful:
When I imagined myself as a man I didn’t imagine myself like most of the childhood boys I managed to ingratiate myself with, who lisped, repeated themselves, and tripped over their own shoes. I imagined myself as a musician who was absolutely magnetic, I imagined myself as a writer with a legacy, I imagined myself telling other guys they were stupid shits and they could fuck off. I imagined being able to hold onto a football without dropping it, being able to smoke weed without getting a migraine, being able to talk without squeaking or letting out a little drool.
I thought I would finally be a human being with no embarrassments and nothing that could get me bullied in the bathroom between class. I thought when I would say “no”, other people would listen. I would enter whatever mystical world it is that Ehrensaft names, made of messages and meanings, where every twist of word and piece of clothing said something, connected by a fine filament back to that Necronomicon filled social symbology. And it would make sense.
I would become a lion, not a house cat. And the lion would speak. And we would understand him.
I was talking with some colleagues a while ago and we all said at some point in our lives we had wanted to be male because we wanted to opt out of all the crap that being female brings with it. Reading what she writes you can see how attractive the idea of transition is as a solution to all problems.