Support for gay dd

[HotStottie]

Dd is 11 and she has told me she thinks she is gay. I’m doing everything I can to support her and I’m pleased she felt able to talk to me.
I am trying to find some online resources for LGB children so that I know how to support her going forward and something that will help dd work through how she is feeling and help her feel proud of who she is.
The reason I am asking here is because I want to find resources that centre women, and I’ve yet to find any that do.

OP there is a board for parents of LGBT children. I think it's under Parenting.

I can't help with specific resources for girls but hope someone else can recommend.

This is a lovely book that might be useful: littleisland.ie/books/the-deepest-breath/

Thank you both. That book looks really good, I’ll order that for her.

I’ve posted similar in another thread (about supporting a GNC daughter) but to repeat on a variation, I think it’s really important to let her see/meet some happy, well adjusted, adult lesbians in real life.

No matter how well-intentioned is straight or bi-in-a-straight-relationship parents are, we cannot model healthy same sex relationships for them by example. We all know how important it is we do that for both boys and girls, but we can only talk theoretically about same sex relationships, and I don’t think that’s enough, sadly.

Get the L Out and LGB Alliance will be able to suggest reading materials for you and your daughter, but if in doubt buy something second hand published prior to say, 2014 and read it first!

@DuDuDuLangaLangaBingBong I agree with everything you say. I know that no matter how supportive I am she needs more. I have brought her up around strong, independent women who don’t need to rely on a man. She understands feminism ( she calls it girl power), but what she really needs is to have lesbian role models. I have always regarded myself as a LGB ally but I still have so much to learn in order to support her.

I recently watched thIs Netflix documentary with my stepdaughter (who is still figuring out if she’s bi or lesbian, she’s 13) and we both cried our eyes out with both sad and happy tears.

A Secret Love -

It opened up lots of avenues for discussion.

It’s very gentle, very moving. Depends on how mature your 11 year old is as to whether it’s suitable but the sad/difficult bits (living in a time when gay bars were raided by police and people’s lives could be ruined by being outed) are balanced by the happiness of a life-long romance, a true partnership, and the moment when they legally wed after (iirc) 67 years together.

The film follows Pat and Terry over a 7 year period, so by the end of the film they have been in love for over 72 years.

I’d probably make sure that she understands the things we all teach our kids - be safe, don’t be bullied/tricked into doing anything she isn’t comfortable/ready for. The usual online warnings of course.

No one should be telling her how to dress, act or feel - and teachers should definitely not be asking her about it or counselling her unless specifically approached. She - like all kids - has to work out her style/tribe.

Relationships are built on friendship, mistakes respect, attraction and shared goals/ideals/interests.

That you don’t care either way, want her to be happy and are always there for her. Also that there are people who will have a problem with it (such is life) and this is because they are jerks.

You aren’t an ally - you’re her mum! Your job is the keep the door open for communication and make sure she doesn’t get her heart broken (well you can try).

Thank you both. I’ll have a look at the documentary. Anything that opens up more avenues of conversation is really useful.

I agree LordFrontPaw, she doesn’t need counselling, she is perfectly happy and proud of who she is. It would be easy for well meaning teachers etc to actually make her feel like it’s something to worry about. I would of course review that if she seemed like she was struggling.

What I’m finding difficult is doing nothing, I can feel that I’m so desperate to support her that I may go over the top with it, so I’m having to rein myself in and take my lead from her.