Relief of wearing a face covering

[DoYouRememberTheInnMiranda]

This is a weird one to write, and I don't want to be unsympathetic to anyone who struggles with face coverings due to hearing issues, sensory issues or other reasons, or to those who are forced to wear face coverings by others' views on religion and women's place, but wearing a face covering for my weekly shop this week made me realise how often I use a simpering smile to practically excuse my own existence usually, and what a relief it is to feel my facial expression is none of anyone else's business.

I know for sure that I smile loads more than my husband would on a supermarket trip, and not because I love groceries so much, but to generally signal my niceness etc. It is really nice to not need to bother with that. Does anyone else recognise this part of (my) female conditioning and feel similar about face covering?

That really sucks Penny. I hope that as this goes on, more transparent masks become available to help with this. I tried making one myself but it turned out bloody creepy.

I too like the anonymity of a mask. I probably wouldn't if it were a permanent enforced thing, as it seems to be in some religious groups.

Since my current acne breakout resembles a red and white goatee beard I rather like wearing my mask.

Thanks Nonny, I think you're probably right

Since my current acne breakout resembles a red and white goatee beard I rather like wearing my mask

Unfortunately your acne is being contributed to by your mask. I'm in Mexico and last night's health conference was all about face masks, that's how I know.

All this talk about death and illness makes we want to smile at people all the more, because I don't know what they are going through at the moment

I’ve found it really quite strange not being able to smile at people, I really don’t like it. But I live in a v rural area where I don’t feel threatened , or anything and i do enjoy smiling at people. I think in a city I’d probably be neutral as I tended to have a default resting bitch face. But then again, that was probably partly to avoid being chatted up or verbally abused by randoms...

We’ve been analysing Your Home Made Perfect over on Telly Addicts and someone mentioned Laura, the female architect, and her overblown hand gestures. Watching it again tonight it also struck me how she is quite exaggerated and responsive in her facial expressions as she listens to what the clients say, whereas Robert just sits there looking quite meditative with a kind of faraway smile or just a neutral demeanour. You wonder how much of that is personality, and how much sex stereotyping eh?

I think I've actually upped the 'niceness' when I'm wearing a mask - I think some people seem to be a bit frightened by them, they can be a wee bit dehumanising.

Oh, I hadn't seen your comment, Penny. You're not the only one, I think I see a slight panic in a lot of people's eyes when I'm out with one on. I'm trying to do a lot of 'smiley eyes' and extra friendliness.

All this talk about death and illness makes we want to smile at people all the more, because I don't know what they are going through at the moment

Me too and my usual default position is I don't much like anyone. On my trudge round the block each evening I try to say "good evening" to people I pass.

I have to wear a mask at work at the mo (medical related, not always possible to social distance) - It used to just be in theatre but now it’s all the time. I think you can still smile and convey a lot of meaning with just your eyes. You definitely have to work harder with your words and body language to articulate/gain someone’s trust/understanding though.

I tend to step further away and lower the mask to talk to someone if it’s clear someone is struggling to hear/understand me and it’s safe to do so.

Right now it’s just another constant reminder of how weird things are at the moment.

KaronAvyrus
I couldn’t give a shit what people think of my face at the best of times

You're extremely lucky either because.
A) you've never had blokes shout out "cheer up love" at you, or
B) you have had blokes shout "Smile darling" etc at you but it's never bothered you.

I grew up in a city, then moved to London.

The amount of times I've been made to feel like there's something wrong with my face because I'm just walking along minding my own business is too numerous to mention.

I'm siding with the OP here.

I'm kindof getting used to this mask thing too.
For one, you can actually leave the house without full makeup and not feel self conscious.

I'm been doing that my whole life and not felt self conscious.

But I do feel that the expectation of smiling to be nice falls more on women than men

Completely.
Men go about all the time not smiling, not saying thank you, barging past, whatever, no one bats and eyelid
(Not saying you're doing those things or that women should do those things! Just that standards are different.)

*I’m not wearing a mask unless it’s compulsory.

I couldn’t give a shit what people think of my face at the best of times*

This is me too - I suspect I do sometimes look a bit grumpy when I'm not talking/smiling but I don't give it any thought and no-one comments. .

I can't read eye expressions, either. Everyone in a covid mask looks angry or sullen to me. Yet rationally I know they're probably not.

I totally get the OP, though. I've been described many times as "always smiling". It's nice to hear that, but I never quite believed it, because I think I have a Resting Glum Face. Wearing a mask I realise just how much I do smile after all, because the mask moves or rubs every time I grin.

At first it was a real strain, as I found myself smiling bigger, harder, to try and make it show. Until I realised that I don't have to smile. And neither do I have to keep my smile to myself if something amuses me that others might consider inappropriate.

Yes, it is strangely liberating. It frees me from having to perform.

Men go about doing as they please, traditionally, because statistically they’re more likely to come off better in any altercation so they are not challenged.

I hope this can be an ongoing liberation for you when you lose the mask! Reminds me of my experience of a three month silent meditation retreat. Done in a group of around 30, mingling around eating together, sharing dorms, going for walks etc in between meditation sessions. And no verbal or nonverbal interaction allowed. I remember someone at the start saying to the teacher that they understood why no talking, but why couldnt we at least smile, hold doors open etc. The teacher said that so many of these behaviours are about checking ‘am I ok? Do you like me? Please like me’, and this was a chance to let that all go for a while. We were to practice cherishing other people in our inner attitude and feelings of caring and respect for them, rather than feel this is all about being demonstrative. So fascinating to experience- many people could not help themselves! And you could see it was actually about them and their needs - when I was deep into silence, I actually found their attempts to ‘help’ me with something, or engage me with smiles, to be kind of interfering.

I agree that women are particularly conditioned to be ‘nice’ and pleasant in demeanour, but men struggled with this too. I appreciate many people would struggle with 3 months silence however!!