Are we all too easily offended these days?

[Gigitree]

After calling someone out for their ’jokes’ full of chauvinistic bigotry, I was met with that oh so nuanced argument ‘oh everyone is so easily offended these days, you can’t say or do anything anymore’

What are your thoughts? Are we generally more easily offended these days? Should we just ignore ‘jokes’ like these or should we call people out for their casual racism, homophobia or anti-feminist attitude?

Ive a an ex work colleague Who says ‘you can’t say anything anymore’ a lot

Well no....you can say loads as long as its not actually Racist or sexist or Homophobic or transphobic etc

She has now started prefacing comments to the group With ‘you won’t like this Rufus’ before she says whatever she is going to say

Why did you feel you had the right to challenge him for recounting his father's lived experience?

Ah that’s easy.

1. Because it’s not true. British girls are not easy. I’m not easy, my friends are not easy. The reason why his dad cheated was because his dad was an physically abusive arsehole who wanted to. Not because he was seduced by easy British Girls.

2. most importantly - my daughters were at the table. I will not have him talk about females like that in front of them.

3. he regularly comes out with misogynistic bullshit. Eg.. the reason why men should get paid than women is because men are more stronger

I get that how you feel and deal with ‘offensive’ remarks is down to you but some things really do need challenging.

For example - in work we have a chap who is in his 70s that potters about doing HR. He’s lovely and really not offensive at all but during a conversation he used a very offensive and outdated term for people with Down syndrome. Every one in the office under the age of 45 were agog he’d casually used that term. That needs calling out because it’s very offensive.

There's a lot of variation on both sides here. Sometimes offensive people can be behind the times on language, like my grandad who referred to "Auntie Sarah's special kid" because he thought it was the right thing to say. Other times offensive people can use the exact politically correct wording but in such a tone that their mocking is clear.

People reacting to the latter can usually tell the intent and likely get told they can't take a joke. On the flip side some people take joy in assuming the worst intentions in everyone and turning into a self righteous rage. I do find it interesting though that the latter very rarely get angry at the deliberately offensive - I guess they are more difficult targets.

Spillin I think that is my problem, though, the language of “calling out”. It is a very confrontational notion, implying that everyone should somehow come out against him because he is wrong and they are right. In my view what is actually is needed is for someone to gently let him know (and maybe remind him along the way).

For example - in work we have a chap who is in his 70s that potters about doing HR. He’s lovely and really not offensive at all but during a conversation he used a very offensive and outdated term for people with Down syndrome. Every one in the office under the age of 45 were agog he’d casually used that term. That needs calling out because it’s very offensive.

I agree but it also depends on how you call out. I've had to update people before on things no longer being appropriate, or other terms being used such as the person with X disability rather than X disabled person. Usually people will take it on board, it's only if they persist and become belligerent that I'd feel stronger action needs to be taken.

PaleBlueMoonlight but why do I gently need to do it. He is an adult. He reads the guardian and thinks he knows everything. I didn’t by the way the shout at him I just told him that that term is actually now really offensive. He took it with good grace.

My fil on the other hand needs practically needs a shovel wacking in his face when I point out he is talking bollocks as he is so thick skinned.

I think people are actually getting ‘offended’ at the term ‘calling out’

Well then thread gentle in my book!

*that was

I am not offended by the term calling out, but I do really dislike it. It implies "revealing someone for what they are" (an -ist of some kind) and on social media almost always comes with/implies some sort of negative judgment on the person who got it wrong.

I always think it's a mistake to say something's "offensive" because people will always come back with "Everyone's so easily offended these days" or "No one has the right to be offended". Better to say "That's really unpleasant" or "I find that quite upsetting" or "What an unkind thing to say."

And there is a huge spectrum here, isn't there? The remark about British girls being easy is just horrible and misogynistic. At the other end of the scale you have people like Jess of the Guardian claiming to feel "unsafe" because someone wrote an article they didn't like.

I think there's a generational thing going on (and a social media thing).
OP's example. It's good to call out jokes that use racist and / or sexist sterotypes at their core because that stuff needs to be challenged.
But I've probably laughed at well observed jokes that others think are sexist, and women comedians often tell jokes with men at the butt of them, so there's a tricky line to walk.
If all a comedian's patter is racist / misogynist / rape jokes then they are a pig. But if someone with a good heart tells a near the knuckle joke... I dunno.
Anyway. I think older generations are less quick to 'take offense' about the small stuff. We pick our battles.
But there is a generation that was taught everyone gets a medal for taking part and has been told their whole life that they're special. My kids think I'm mean because I don't tell them every single scribble on a page is 'brilliant darling'. (I did when they were tiny but they're in double figures now.) But learning to take constructive criticism is an important skill, particularly in the work environment.
I've heard so many stories of younger people who've never been told they could do better who need mum to hand-hold them in the workplace because they turn in work that's under par and when their boss asks them to improve they take it as a personal attack.
I see that all the time on Twitter with younger people who seem to see any disagreement or slight disparagement as a direct personal attack. I hate the way snowflake is bandied about now but it was invented for them.
Narcisissts also respond the same way. Minor criticisms or disagreements of viewpoint are seen as personal so their response gets wound up to 11.
And social media anyway just seems to bring out the worst in people. I see people who I know IRL are sweethearts say fairly mean things on social media.
So I think some people take offence more easily and Twitter makes people antsy.

For example - in work we have a chap who is in his 70s that potters about doing HR.
I am deeply offended by that ageist bigotry!
I've had to update people before on things no longer being appropriate
I find all this difficult because it's so easy to come across as a superior pedant rather like correcting someone's grammar or pronunciation.
I take into account the intention of the person. A word is a tool, the difference is in how it's being used.
I'm not really sure what being offended means any more. It's like ripples on a pond covering more and more ground till you end up with the morality police haranging old men 'cos their trouser legs are too short. It's become about power, which is troubling because some things really are unacceptable.

Imnobody I agree. I was trying to write a post to that effect and couldn't get my wording right.

"Well, you just got offended because I didn't like your joke, so yeah"...

Is bloody priceless! Thank you for that.

Yes I think we are , jokes used to be taken as that and weren't taken the wrong way all the time , yes there are times when people go to far
But I've heard moaning of older person calling someone darling etc I wouldn't take offence when that person calls everyone darling as that's what they have done for
80 years and they don't do it to be offensive

Also there are definitely some people who seem to love to be offended and anyone that doesn't share there views offends them in some ways and they are almost looking for something to jump on

I'm not really sure what being offended means any more. It's like ripples on a pond covering more and more ground... It's become about power, which is troubling because some things really are unacceptable.

Totally agree with this. I think there's an element of virtue signalling about "calling people out". By all means encourage a balanced debate and discussion to help people understand other viewpoints, learn and reconsider (hell, you might even learn something yourself) but no-one ever changed their mind after being "called out".

If 1/1000th the effort that went into being offended about what people said went into being offended about what people do - Tory Rape Clause for example - then the world would be a fucking paradise.

Seems to be "being offended" has become the equivalent of "doing something" from 30 years ago.

For example - in work we have a chap who is in his 70s that potters about doing HR

MN is awash with people who virtue signal how right on they are whilst wholly obvious to their own ageist views.

No matter how ineffective, inefficient, time- wasting or ineffectual someone might be as long as they are under 60 they will never be described as "potters about" whilst at work.

For example - in work we have a chap who is in his 70s that potters about doing HR

He does potter about. He is the managers dad who is retired and got bored at home. He potters about.

Totally agree with this. I think there's an element of virtue signalling about "calling people out". By all means encourage a balanced debate and discussion to help people understand other viewpoints, learn and reconsider (hell, you might even learn something yourself) but no-one ever changed their mind after being "called out

I’m not really going to learn anything about why some one thinks it’s ok to call a disabled child a mongoloid. Or intact any other rascal slurs that get passed under the guise of joking.

I’ll call it out every sing time.

He does potter about. He is the managers dad who is retired and got bored at home. He potters about.

And you are being told that the expression "potters about" when referring to someone of an older generation is outdated and offensive.

So apologise and change your thinking.

*I'm only part joking.

I’m not really going to learn anything about why some one thinks it’s ok to call a disabled child a mongoloid.

The history of the word? When it was used? If it was a clinical term? Was it ever intended as an insult? When and why did it become unacceptable?

Milk I know the history of the word ect.. but this is an adult. I shouldn’t have to give them a brief time line of a word that’s was used to describe Down’s syndrome children - that was in fact never acceptable to use anyway.

I potter about. My three year old potters about when she isn’t tormenting her older sisters.

Pottering about isn’t offensive unless your looking to be offended for yourself on some one else’s behalf.

Calling a Down syndrome child a mongoloid IS full stop.

Saying ‘ I’m going for a chinky’ when referring to a Chinese take away is offensive even though many people still say it. And that needs to be called out.

There is no grey area with those examples

I believe both these statements to be true.

There is a trend towards become offended over trivial things which is part of the trend to see ourselves as part of small identity groups and to be hyper-focussed on percieved micro-aggressions against our identity-groups.

Some people will say ''you're too easily offended'' when called out after making a really offensive statement.